I’ve been saying that Chester Zoo is a great day out for the last twenty years without, actually… you know… going. So, a couple of weeks ago we woke up and said; ‘What a nice day. Let’s go to Chester Zoo!’. I went as a schoolboy and had a marvellous time, although all I can remember is laughing at a monkey masturbating. As a thirteen-year-old it was a profound moment that impacted on so many levels. It certainly confirmed Darwin’s theory of evolution, as I and my classmates felt an instant connection to our simian relative. We also figured that the caged onanist was rebelling against his captors, if in a peculiar way. Twenty-five years later, I visited with an extended family group and a tiny primate urinated gleefully on my niece. Well… ‘it could have
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