I don't post on here overly often, mostly because on the subject of travelling, I'm woefully inexperienced (for now!). However, on matters of the heart, I do feel somewhat qualified to pipe up and give some advice- I, like most women, have fallen in love, fallen out of love, been broken up with, been cheated on, had my heart broken, and all that jazz. It's a bit of a cop out, but it's also so true- you WILL emerge from this a stronger, wiser woman.
I don't think you've mentioned your age or whether this is your first relationship and break up but I'm getting the impression that this might be the case. May I ask how old you are, and whether I'm right in this assumption? If this is your first break up with someone you love, I can only assure you that it's not quite the death sentence it seems at the moment. You will go on and have amazing experiences and fall in love again- a few more times if you're lucky! If this is not your first break up, you already know this. To fall in and out of love, to have your heart broken and to break a few hearts yourself is what makes life worth living- it's what makes life interesting, it's what gives you wisdom and strength. What a boring life we would have, and what uninteresting people we would be, if we didn't have amazing highs and heart-breaking lows.
Sorry to get all philosophical on you, but I do feel that at times like this stepping back from the situation and viewing it from a point of broader perspective is what gets you through. You need to look at the big picture. It's the only thing that keeps you sane. That, and having close friends that are there for you through these times.
Now! Onto the specifics. I am in complete agreement with Renee and co, who have pointed out what I believe to be the sad truth- he just wants to be off the hook so he can sleep around while in Europe. You can draw as many convoluted theories as you like, but that is the simplest and it makes perfect sense from what you've written. Plus, he's a guy. It's just what they do (Ooh dear, do I sound bitter? Haha!).
You say he reckons he loves you and maybe wants to be with you (emphasis on maybe) after he gets back from Europe (emphasis on after) but he doesn't want to be with you now- for no solid reason that he will tell you. He doesn't want to patch up the relationship before going away; he won't give you a straight answer on what you mean to him and what your relationship is exactly. As far as I can discern, the only reason he has given for breaking up with you and remaining non-committal about what the future holds is that travelling might change him... I'm not buying it! He's travelling around Europe- not embarking on a journey through the wilds of Siberia looking for spiritual enlightenment and the answer to the meaning of life! He might change in terms of wanting to travel more extensively and perhaps gain some independence, but it ain't gonna be the stuff that changes the very core of his being. And it sure ain't gonna make one whit of difference in his feelings for you. In other words, it's the world's weakest excuse to break up with someone. I really hate to say it, but you just gotta open your eyes, girl.
I really hope that after a month or two away from him, you'll realise that your life is your own, YOU are in control, and you are happy and free to do whatever you want with your life. Focus on YOUR dreams, YOUR goals. I know that you simply get into a habit of being around a person day in, day out, and you can't fathom the thought of them not being around anymore. Hopefully the next couple of months will show you that it's more than possible- and a lot healthier- to get into the habit of being independent and not relying on another person for fullfillment. I tell ya, it's a lot more liberating and satisfying than only pretending to be independent for the sole purpose of trying to get someone to love you more, which is something you mentioned as an option for reeling him back in.
I also hope that you have really good friends who are echoing some of what I (and others) are saying, and not just spouting out what you want to hear. I really do think that my view is a realistic one. Although, of course, everyone thinks their opinion is realistic! So maybe I'm just taking a negative view... but I don't think so.
I'm reluctant to leave it at that, because I feel I have so much more to say, but I think that will do for now!
I wish you all the best, Sophie! Please read and take into account everything that everyone has said, and not just what you were hoping to hear.
Again, good luck with it all. Let us know how you go! 😊
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