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My boyfriend left me before he leaves for 2 months to europe! - Help

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2 weeks before leaving for europe, my boyfriend left me withotu really giving me a reason and i dont know if i should have hope when he comes back considering he still loves me.
10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 1 Msg: #69190  
I don't normally do these things but writing how i feel is the only way i will feel better right now.

This week has been really hard for me, my boyfriend broke up with me because of too many arguments and the fact that hes leaving for europe. he wants to be alone for the days left. i have tried everything to get him back but it just wasn't enough. he tells me we wont be a couple again before he leaves and that well see when he comes back. So now i must move on and ive never had to go through something so hard. i've never loved someone so much and i have no choice to let them go, many of you have probably been through this so it is nothing new.

we ended on a good note, it is quite the strangest thing because he gave me no reason for doing so and he still says he doesn't know why. he still loves me no matter what and that im a big part of his life. he misses me but his decision cannot be changed because he thinks there is no point in fixing the relationship before he leaves. it hurts very much and he said well see when he comes back but theres no garantee which breaks my heart. i dont know how to deal with this, we love each other but were not together.. i was ready to wait and committ to him before he left for 2 months. now i have to let go and move on even though i wanna keep trying when he comes back.

when we spoke yesterday we gave each other kisses and hugs but how am i suppose to know this is the end or not? there are chances that he may fall back in love with me when he gets back so i wanna keep positive. i love him so much and i wish he wouldnt do this. i cant bare the thought to see him with anyone else and the thought of him being over me. hes leaving for europe on the 27th of april and hes doing a going away party on the 25th and wont let me come because all his friends are gonna be there and he doesnt wanna present me as his ex. i wanna be happy again but i never thought id have to do it without him..

i dont wanna give up on him but hes giving up on me. it would be nice to know hed like something more serious when he comes back to me. i love him soo much its not easy to let him go when he was such a sweet person and he respected me like no one else did, he encouraged me and took care of me. he wanted to be friends but i told him i couldnt do that since id always wanna be more with him and he agreed that the same would happen to him. is there hope in the end afterall? he wont change his decision and says we wont be together before he leaves and that he doesnt regret his decision.

i have to stop calling him and talking to him because it doesnt help. i gave him all our pictures together since he didnt want me to delet them. he says we had amazing moments together and hes already dealing with it fine but i don't know how to do that. if theres love theres hope no? we use to do everythign together, we were always together and slept together every night. i feel so alone now and i just want him back. we had planned everything before his trip and how wed keep in contact with love letters and that 2 months would go buy quickly. i guess it wont anymore. he was suppose to bring me to quebec again when he comes back from europe, i know he loves me but i just dont understand why he let me go. we had a bunch of plans together but now everything got destroyed. im wondering if its better we broke up before he left or if we stayed together while he left with no garantee when he comes back?

i dont know anyone whos been in a similar situation. what should i do? is there hope or should i forget about him? hes very sincere in every word he says.
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10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 2 Msg: #69193  
we've been together for 11 months. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 3 Msg: #69210  
You've clearly poured you heart out on the wrong site. This is a travel blog not an Agony Aunt. Forget about him and go travelling. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 4 Msg: #69214  
Hello Hilary 😊

You are wrong. Sophie is more than welcome to pour her heart out here. Not only that, but she is not the first we have had on this site in the same situation. Travelling can be hard on relationships.

Hello Sophie 😊

I dont think your boyfriend has necessarily given up on the relationship. You may or may not get back together when he gets back.

I think the best thing to do is give him plenty of space, while remaining receptive to future approaches from him. Also, I would date other guys. I dont mean rush into a relationship, but dating others will help put your current relationship into prespective so you will be in a better position to know if you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend when he gets back or not.

Mel

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10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 5 Msg: #69216  
i understand its not the same as most posts but its still related to traveling. in his case he really needs it to help himself through life, i told him i would buy a dog right before he leaves to keep myself busy 😊
theres just been a lot of tension in our relationship before hes leaving and now that its over its hard for me to figure out whether he still has hope or none because he loves me very much were just not a couple. we've both never been in such a serious relationship before so we dont know how to deal with it. well spend maybe 2 days together in those 2 weeks left before he leaves, he owes me at least that.
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10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 6 Msg: #69217  

.....in his case he really needs it to help himself through life,


I think giving a partner the freedom to follow their dreams is the secret to keeping the passion alive in relationships.

....he leaves, he owes me at least that.


I dont know if you are using the expression 'he owes me'' here because this conversation is private from your boyfriend or if you tell him he owes you. I would never go that route in a relationship with a man. Putting him in the situation where you feel he owes you is one way to cause him to lose his enthusiasm for the relationship. If you find yourself doing anything in the expectation that he will do something for you in return, dont. That is the time when you should do something for yourself instead. He will like when you do things for him and make sacrifices for him but then when you start having expectations because of it, this will be a turn off.

One more thing, men like to feel needed and useful, but if a women needs a man for everything in her life this will kill the relationship.

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10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 7 Msg: #69232  
What I mean is, use the time he is away to discover and explore something you like to do. Nights out with friends, some classes to learn more about something you are interested in..... Travelling may or may not be your thing, but something else will be. When he comes back, you might even enjoy the travel stories he has to tell, while also having something new of your own to talk about. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 8 Msg: #69234  
yeah thats for sure, ill be busy enough im trying to find myself a job and i have one month of summer school lol no fun. oh and i wasnt saying he owed me anything but its just because weve been together for a long time that just leaving without saying goodbye wouldnt be fair.
i know he loves me very much and im keeping faith, even though we may be completely over each other (as scary as it sounds 😞 ), he promised me i would be the first person he would come see after his trip. and i have not forced any decision upon him, all of this comes from his heart. we even talked about goign to travel together when he would come back but that was before he left me.
i guess he is just scared of the outcome and scared to leave me because of his trip.
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10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 9 Msg: #69235  

i guess he is just scared of the outcome and scared to leave me because of his trip.


You are probably right. He would have his fears too. Leaving a partner to travel is scary for many. There are also a lot of threads on this site by those who are afraid that when they travel they may lose their relationship.

But 2 months is not a long time. And where men are concerned, I believe that absense can make the heart grow fonder. He may discover that he no longer feels he is the right guy for you, but on the other hand he may start to miss you and feel a stronger desire to be with you. I think you will give the relationship the best chance, if you allow him this freedom. If it does not work out, you will still have given it the best chance. Yeah, I know, not an easy thing to do when your feelings are trying to make you do something else...... Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 10 Msg: #69239  
Hello Sophie,

I'm a male, and we can be odd beasts at times ;-) However, if a male wants to travel - let him go, don't make him feel guilty, don't trap him - just let him go. If you give him the guilts for leaving or try anything else similar, your chances of getting back together are lessened. Buy him a couple of practical gifts to take travelling - such as gloves, alarm clock, find out what he wants and give it to him as a gift - it shows you support him.

Author Byron Farwell wrote a book on one of the great 19th century travellers, Richard Burton. The five page introduction to this book is startling in its insight - and the best book introduction I have ever read - I have even copied the pages and take it travelling with me.

Farwell explains that the spirit of travel and adventure "lurks in all men" to some degree, and that we travel "to conquer" whether that be something external of something within ourselves, and that "...there is something deeper that drives men forth into the world's wilderness". This small summary really does not do his words justice, see if you can get a copy of this book entitled "Burton", but it is out of print now.

It may not be possible to understand your boyfriend's actions, but at least you can support him. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 11 Msg: #69240  
i am fully supporting him, i am happy for him to leave. considering we are not together anymore, i dont know if i should still buy him something for his trip. i thought of writing him a letter for on the plane. i dont understand why he had to leave me 2 weeks before his trip. i am scared of the outcome, especially when he comes back. i keep thinking theres hope but i have to let go. i dont know if his trip would make him think positively or negatively about me. if only there was a magic spell! Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 12 Msg: #69241  
A gift is a better option than a letter - though writing a letter may make you feel better! A gift expresses many things without words - and make it a gift which he will use often.

I would suspect the decision to split up 2 weeks before departing would make it easier for him to leave and/or allow himself to focus more on his plans. If he is travelling solo (especially for the first time) it is not an easy thing to do. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 11th 2009 No: 13 Msg: #69242  
i will buy him a book which he wanted for his trip. hes traveling with his friend. i just wish i could of been part of his trip. it breaks me to pieces to know hes leaving me, especially to not know the outcome of what will happen to us when he comes back. i really hope he wants to get back after. poo Reply to this

10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 14 Msg: #69244  
Buy him the book for sure!

This is obviously a hard time for you - if I were in your situation, I'd want to travel with him too! Thankfully 2 months is not an overly long time to travel, so keep yourself busy whilst he is gone, and don't give up hope. However, that is an easy thing for me to say in theory since I am not in your situation, in practice this will be harder.

Ah, and one other thing, don't email him constantly telling him how you miss him or if he is safe - he'll think you are not letting him have his "space". I'd let him initiate each email and you respond. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 15 Msg: #69245  
about the emails, that was exactly what i was going to do which he did promise to write me some. but if he doesnt not write any then i will give up completely on him.

of course i want to travel with him but i have school during the summer, my graduation and hopefully a job. we agreed on traveling together when he got back but that was before we broke up. there is a chance at the end of his trip but i dont want to get hurt again. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 16 Msg: #69264  

...considering we are not together anymore....


He didnt actually say the relationship is over..... While dating, most men will initially chase heavily and then pull back when they feel the need for space. This is a time to give them space to allow them to discover what their feelings are for you. Maybe this is all that is happening with your boyfriend. It is important to not chase them, while they are in this stage. A lot of potentially good relationships end at this stage because of this.

i dont know if i should still buy him something for his trip.


Buy a small gift as a gesture to show your acceptance and support of what he is doing. I would skip the letter. Give a card wishing him a great trip. Keep it short and dont put anything about missing him or about being upset in it. As Shane points out above, giving him reason to feel guilty will lessen your chances of continuing the relationship when he gets back

While he is away I would also send him an upbeat email about what you are doing and what is happening in your life. Send it after he has been away for a month or so. Make the email FYI and avoid putting any questions in it and dont talk about missing him. This will show him that there are no hard feelings, which will encourage him to approach you when he gets back.

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10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 17 Msg: #69287  
he did break up though he said we were not a couple and thats its over. he keeps contradicting himself and its very confusing for me, it hurts me a lot. even though eh says its over, he wants to come see me before he leaves, we gave each other kisses constantly as if it is not over.
its really hard to let him go and move on. i dont understand why hes doing this, we love each other so much and now he has to force himself to move on and i have to do the same.
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10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 18 Msg: #69292  
If you dont feel up to seeing him before he goes, then ask him to leave it until he gets back. Tell him you need some space for a while.

I suppose he keeps contradicting himself, because breaking up with somebody he loves is difficult. Reply to this

10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 19 Msg: #69300  
yeah i went to see him today, wish him a happy easter, i brought him some tim hortons coffee and muffin hehe! he was really happy to see me and he really wants us to get back together after his trip but he left me because he is scared that his trip will change him to the point where he does not want to be with me. but we both agreed that we dont see how that could happen so were keeping positive and we both need to move on for now. if its meant to be its meant to be 😊 Reply to this

10 years ago, April 12th 2009 No: 20 Msg: #69301  
Sounds good.

He is right. A trip can change a person. It is wise of him to keep an open mind to this posibility. And you are wise to keep an open mind too about how things might or might not go in the future with him. Reply to this

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