I saw a depressing movie in my cancer course and so many insecurities rushed to the forefront of my mind. Oftentimes, when I am frustrated, I make lists. I show the lists to no one and end my handwritten fury by ripping up the paper, crumbling it into a ball, and throwing it away. Because I am trying to find out more about myself, I was thinking, maybe I should keep these thoughts (at least sometimes) as a reminder that, while I try so hard to be optimistic and write about how much I am learning, I often find myself going in circles. I am going to copy the list down exactly as written, fragments. This is not easy for me to share: “I’m sad, dunno if I wanna be an oncologist, life changing decisions, want
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