Saying Goodbye

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So, this is it. My time in Denmark is over. I have spent my last days fervently trying to see sights and say goodbye to my favorite places. It is an extremely sad time for me. I think the thing I will miss the most is the people. You can travel the world, but you won’t know a culture unless you understand the people. Danes are blunt, loud, fun, and good-natured. They have a strong desire for everyone to be happy but put their own happiness above all else. And when individuals are happy with themselves, they project that to others. It’s a positive feedback cycle.
As I was saying goodbye, I was talking to my friends about how we all had changed. One of my friends went through a radical transformation, but my transformation was much harder to pinpoint. I spoke with my best friend’s host mom about why I did not think I had changed initially, and it related back to a past, awful relationship I was involved in. I was forced to mature to deal with my recent history, and I often thought about my opinions on topics, consistently curious at my developmental milestones. She informed me that she once had had a really bad relationship as well that ended first with her boyfriend trying to commit suicide, then trying to kill her. She said that she could have been scared forever, but then he would have won. I reflected on that for awhile. My past suicidal boyfriend has shaped my relationships. I am scared to be committed, scared that someone will become attached and try to hurt themselves, scared of others being depressed because of me. I realized she was right. There are many more sane people in the world than not, and I will never be able to discover who I want to be with if I stop a good relationship because I am afraid one day it will become bad. My past can shape and mold me but certainly does not define me.
So, I had to dig deeper to see what I learned about myself. I know that I will learn a lot through looking at my old journals and am excited to see how I have grown and place it into a project. Right now, I can say that I am more liberal. I am much more environmentally conscious. I am more for equality and the standardization of a baseline quality of living for everyone. I am less religious (though I actually do not like this about myself), I am more sure of the direction (medical) that I want to head towards, I am more appreciative of nature, the son, the environment, my surroundings, I am more honest, I am more open to criticism, I am less insecure, I am more appreciative of art and history and the past that influences the present. I am more complicated than I could ever imagine. I am happier than I could ever imagine. I learned how to reflect on my life, the questions to ask to find out who I am and why I make the choices I do. I learned how not to be a tourist and how to be a good ambassador for my country. I am less worried about grades and time and more focused on enjoying the present. I am in no rush to graduate though I will be excited when the time comes. I realized how much I procrastinate on everything and how annoying it can be not only to myself, but to others as well. I learned the situations I do the minimum in, and the situations I do well over what is required- basically, whatever my passion is- I spend more time on- that is why I want to do organic chemistry research in the fall! I have a deep appreciation for language and want to live for a year in Germany, absorbing the language and culture, before I attend medical school. I am more nationalistic but call two countries home. And, I am excited and maybe even a little scared for everything to come.

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