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Confused

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Just came back from Peru, volunteered in an orphanage, it was amazing I loved the kids, the culture, everything! Now I feel confused about what I want in life!!
10 years ago, October 27th 2008 No: 1 Msg: #52640  
Hi All

I'm 31, single and live in Wales. As I said just got back from Peru and had a great time, I feel so utterley frustrated with my job, I got a mortgage and before I went to Peru my doctor told me I should start thinking about kids, he said the reality is I got till I'm 35!! I got my job f/t job in mental health this year in a day centre and I wanted it badly, people the same grade as me have been in the same job 10yrs plus cos it's enjoyable, it's easy and people are lovely. I however don't do easy it's boring and now the clients I work with are starting to annoy me because they are far more capable than they make out and I's so monotonous, neither clients or staff move on. I told my parents I'd love to teach in Latin America, but my job, my mortgage, my age and the fact I should be looking for the father of my unborn kid(s) is all getting me down. Any advice or help appreciated

x Reply to this

10 years ago, October 27th 2008 No: 2 Msg: #52641  
B Posts: 11.5K
Hi Claire,

Welcome to TravelBlog.

The fact you are not in a relationship takes care of that one. Sell the house /pay off the mortgage, resign from your job and book a plane ticket. Jobs and houses will still be around for you later.

As for the age, I'd say that's an advantage - maturity but with youth still on your side. If you decide you want kids later and aren't able to have them yourself you could always adopt.

Above all, your happiness is most important, and it sounds as though you would be most happy right now over in Peru :-)
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10 years ago, October 28th 2008 No: 3 Msg: #52724  
Thanks Jo

I really appreciate your advice, I think about the whole situation everyday. I would'nt want to sell my house cos it's really lovely and my nest egg I guess. I'm prepared to rent tho. The other thing I dwell on is am I just running away and if I was to go am I going be in the same position but somewhere else, if that makes sense??

Cheers

C Reply to this

10 years ago, October 28th 2008 No: 4 Msg: #52738  
I am completely unqualified to give anyone advise about life. Heck it took me 46 years to finally figure mine out.

I am one who has sold my house and walked away from a rather decnt paying job. We have been :on the road" for nearly five months now and never felt better in my life. I am fortunate enough to have a little pension to finince my journeys.

I am one of the fortunate ones who has figured out that I will no longer be a prisoner to the 9-5 routine and consumed with the life of material possesions and debt.

Some people think I have absolutely lost my mind and have asked what the heck I am going to do when I finish.

My simple answer is "gee I don't know". For the first time in my life, I have never felt more secure about not being secure in the future and I love it.

I'm sure the answer will come when you are rady for it. Reply to this

10 years ago, October 28th 2008 No: 5 Msg: #52754  
B Posts: 11.5K
What about renting the house out then - that will cover the mortgage payments so the house is there when you get back.

Go back over to Peru (or wherever you choose) for X amount of time. That way, whatever the answer to your question, you'll have it soon enough. Given Peru was a good place for you last time, at least you can be pretty sure you'll at worst have a good time - even if you decide it's not for you long term. You could think of it as time out to have a good think about where you do want to go in life.

I've never heard of anyone regretting selling up and hitting the road :-) Reply to this

10 years ago, October 28th 2008 No: 6 Msg: #52779  
It sounds cheesy but follow your heart !


Your doctor sounds extremly backward. You are 31, you have all the time in the world to have children, hell most professionals hold off on having kids these days until they are much later in life then you. And they are doing that for their career! pooey, what you want to do is a much better life experiance worth putting family life on hold. How do you know that you won't meet a like minded person to fall in love with while doing what your heart appears to be telling you to do. At 31, you have all the time in the world (hopefully) and if you don't then all the more reason to get out and do what you want!
You don't want to be locked down in a job with the responsibility of a family and have it in the back of your mind that there was something you wanted to do that you let slip away. It won't be fair to you or to your potential family to always have that on your mind.
Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and leap off the cliff, the water is always going to be there.
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10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 7 Msg: #52805  
For what it is worth, here is my advice: follow your heart and hit the road! I too have never met anyone who regretted embarking on an overseas journey instead of settling down. However, there are plenty of people who wish they had travelled more and discovered themselves prior to settling.

If possible, try to have something to come back to - such as money, furniture, or your house (you could rent it out.) Coming back to absolutely nothing (no job, no house/apartment, no money) is tough. Consider your options, it may be possible to do both.

Just to give you my example: I am over 40, single, rent, no car, stable government job, and all my excess monies are spent on travel - and it is one of the wisest choices I have ever made. I don't want to go to the grave wiith any regrets. This lifestyle does not suit everyone, but it works for me.

Write down the pros and cons of each choice you have and consider them with an analytical mind. Best of luck and hope that you are at peace with your choice. Reply to this

10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 8 Msg: #52821  
Hello Claire 😊

I am not surprised you are feeling a bit confused. The decisions you are trying to make are overwhelming.

I would let your fantasies run wild and imagine that there are not barriers to the life you want and then imagine living that life. Most of getting what you want is passionately wanting and believing it can happen. After you imagine what you want you can then take steps to getting it. It may not happen exactly when you want or exactly the way you want but I do think it will happen. The things you are describing in your opening post are not so unrealistic and unattainable. I was in a similiar situation to yours in my late 20s. I had a decent enough job, I had done some travelling and I did not want to stay put holding down this job and paying the mortgage, and people kept talking about kids and the future. I started by doing some of what I wanted. I did lots of overtime at work to get more time off for travelling and I spent all my time off travelling. Even though I thought all guys of the age I was interested in were divorced and had kids and tonnes of problems that I did not want to be involved in, I decided to be open minded and date lots of them to get to know them and find out if there was one I could like more than the others. And there were other small changes I put on my life that made a huge difference. In just a few years my life had completely changed and I found myself living in a foreign country with a boyfriend and daugher. I wasnt getting to do much travelling which disappointed me a bit but then a few years after that I started travelling quite frequently again, mostly by myself, sometimes with my boyfriend or daughter and sometimes with both. And I am still constantly working on adding more of what I want to my life in whatever ways I can.

For a start, yes you can get a tennant for your house. I have one in mine who pays the mortgage while I live in another country. Managing this from a foreign country is not easy but as you said you dont want to settle for easy.

When you say you are afraid that you are running away, what is it you are afraid you are running from? Maybe what you really want to do is make your life more balanced in your own country rather than moving to Peru? Which aspects of the expat life appeal to you?

Mel
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10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 9 Msg: #52837  
B Posts: 151
Hi Claire,

The only usual advice you're gonna get in the "Traveblog" community is to leave everything and go travel. So I'm going to offer a different perspective to balance it out a bit. 😊

I think deep down you already know what you want in life. You're just probably confused what you want now.
The key is to write down what's on your mind and prioritise base on importance and urgency.

You've mentioned kids, work, home, being 31 and single, and wanting to teach in latin america. So I'll assume that
you want to meet the love of your life, have wonderful kids in a lovely home (which you already have) and to top
it all, a rewarding job teaching kids in latin america....OK, I'm just really stating the obvious here 😉

It really comes down to either work on starting a family 'now' or get your dream job teaching in Peru. But if you
really want to have kids of your own someday, time is your toughest enemy 'cos your biological clock is ticking away...

and not to mention getting the right partner to father your children. My brother-in-law once told my sister when
they were just dating:

Finding the right person to spend your life with is like going to a public toilet,
all the good/clean ones are taken and the rest are full of shit

.

Anyway, not all is doom and gloom in the procreation department. If the right guy didn't come along, there's always a "Sperm Bank" right ?! ... who needs a man, yeh? 😉

It's true...you could always adopt but apparently it is even a more painful process than childbirth (even Madonna and Angelina Jolie had problems with the whole adoption thing). Personally, I can honestly say that the best thing that ever happened to me is have children of my own. Everytime they smile, kiss you and give you a nice warm hug, your heart and soul just fills with so much joy. They give your life meaning and purpose. I wouldn't swap that with anything else in the world, not even with the best trip ever in the most exotic place here in earth ... (ok, I'm just saying this because travelling becomes harder once you already have kids)...no really...my kids are my life.


Any kind of job, even the ones you love doing becomes monotonous over time. So yes, you'll end up in the
same predicament as you are now...

But if you still choose to leave everything and follow your heart in Peru...at least keep your lovely home (don't
sell it...simply rent it out) 'cos it's nice to have a home to go back to when travelling or
working in foreign countries start to jade you. There really is no place like home....cheers ! 😊
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10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 10 Msg: #52856  
Private message I received from Gozza


Hi Mel

Sorry I can't work out how to reply to a forum message, so I've gone private. Thanks for the wonderful advice and all of it makes sense. Think what I saying is that if I rent my house, quit job and go teach, am a being a fantasist running away from all the everyday responsibillities everyone has? I got nothing to actually run away from, except the monotony of my job, my friends all have partners, I can find a man thats interesting and I get really bored. Before I went to Peru I actually loved having security of my home and what I thought was my dream job but don't move on, it becomes a rut situation and the 1's that are happy have famillies and want an easy life. I'm not saying Peru is my ideal place but the thrill of the adventure, plus I was on a course months back and I was asked what is your dream in life? and I said to see as much of this world as poss. Though some1 on here has just said to get a job abroad is just like moving your life somewhere else, it's all the same?? I don't know, think I'll have a few glasses of vino tonight and clear my head. Gracias Signorita, mucho gusto.

Ciao

C x

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10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 11 Msg: #52857  
Hello again Claire 😊

I hope you dont mind that I put a copy of your private message here. There doesnt seem to be anything too private in there so I am assuming you wont mind.

I dont know why responding to the thread will not work for you. Would you mind trying again, just to see if there is something not working. Also, is there an error message you get when you try to post?

Or is it quoting you are trying to do? If you want to quote something in order to respond to it then use the code for quoting on the right of the editor when you are making a post.

Mel
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10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 12 Msg: #52858  
Hi Mel, no I don't mind,

Sorry I can't work out how to reply to a forum message, so I've gone private. Thanks for the wonderful advice and all of it makes sense. Think what I was trying to say is that if I rent my house, quit job and go teach, am a being a fantasist running away from all the everyday responsibillities everyone has? I got nothing to actually run away from, except the monotony of my job, my friends all have partners, I can find a man thats interesting and I get really bored. Before I went to Peru I actually loved having the security of my home and what I thought was my dream job but there is little chance to progress, it becomes a rut situation and the 1's that are happy have famillies and want an easy life. I'm not saying Peru is my ideal place but the thrill of the adventure, plus I was on a course months back and I was asked what is your dream in life? and I said to see as much of this world as poss. Though some1 on here has just said to get a job abroad is just like moving your life somewhere else and kids are better than any exotic place, is it all the same?? I don't know, think I'll have a few glasses of vino tonight and clear my head. Muchos gracias Signorita.

Ciao

C x Reply to this

10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 13 Msg: #52861  
Seems to me that what you need more of in your life is fun. You seem to have an overdose of responsibility with your job, house and pressure on yourself to choose security over fun and adventure. Fun and adventure can be found in any country. You wouldnt need to leave your house and job in order to find more thrills and adventure. And if you do have kids in the next 10 years an easy job is ideal because kids already put enough demands on your time and energy without having a slave driving 9 to 8(yeah, I know this is traditionally 9 to 5, but who has a 9 to 5 corporate job these days?) doing it too.

Maybe your job will even start to seem more interesting once you add more to your life.

So, the big question now is what is your idea of adventurous and fun and thrilling? Some would say going away for weekends and spending more than is sensible and others would say that hang gliding is what is exciting and the list goes on..... Reply to this

10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 14 Msg: #52867  
Hello Claire. This is not meant as advise but only as a sharing of my own experience. I always wanted to travel more than anything, but I had a good job and I met my husband and did a bit of traveling with him before having my daughter at age 32. Yet there was always something calling me. Something that said that I would never be happy with a traditional job and my own huge house and large mortgage. Having my child WAS the most wonderful thing I've ever done and your kids DO become your life and give you purpose and priorities. But if you're a good parent, you give them strong roots and then you give them WINGS and they fly off as they should. As a woman who has had children, I can honestly tell you that the experience of letting your child "FLY AWAY" is very difficult!
So, I am now one of those people that waited to do this until my child was grown. I envy those that did it while they were younger. Youth is loaded with possibilities, including the possibility of finding a special person to have your children with. I have had some great travel experiences (a lot of them with my daughter), but I advise her now to go off and see the world. Have fun! Don't worry so much about the "responsibilities" that society urges you to take on. Travel will give you experiences that will fill your life with joy, interesting friends, and wonderful memories! Seeing the world and meeting people from other cultures will also give you a better appreciation of your own life. All this makes you better prepared to guide another life into this world (to be a better parent). Whatever you decide, have fun and good luck. At 31, you are just beginning!

A. zudro Reply to this

10 years ago, October 29th 2008 No: 15 Msg: #52879  
B Posts: 151
Hi Claire,

I would like to share a philosophy that might help shed some light with your personal dilemma in life and to other confused souls out there ...

" A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous . . . "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided. "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; god, family, children, health, friends and favourite passions, things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter; like your job, house, and car.


The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"So, pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, fix the drains, put up that shelf.. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities, the rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked; it just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."


Cheers ! ... and have a nice life !
Jo 😊
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10 years ago, October 31st 2008 No: 16 Msg: #53067  
Hi Claire,

Ill offer you my opinion for what its worth. I think that one of the biggest problems with travelling, is that many of us including me feel exactly the way you described in your original post when they return home or even settle somewhere for a decent amount of time. That being bored, somewhat frustrated and unable to settle. I think travelling or the experience you get from it is like a drug and once you have done it you can never go back to the way you were. Meaning that a lot of the time you struggle with the life you once had, the values you once held etc. I think if you go to Peru for a decent amount of time, you'll eventually find that you feel the same way there and its a problem you will likely face for the rest of your life when you settle somewhere, that being bored and somewhat frustrated, because you know whats out there and your value system has been influenced by more than one culture/set of ideas. So you wll have to learn to live with that problem whereever u go. Now after me transplanting the problems i have faced and am facing from travelling onto your problem which may be completely unrelated, what advice would I give you, well I would say go to Peru, but then I'm on the drug 😊 Reply to this

10 years ago, November 2nd 2008 No: 17 Msg: #53200  
Hi Claire;

Peru is an amazing place. My husband daughter and were there over three years ago. We absolutely loved it and are dying to go back. Peru gave us a whole different outlook on life, so much that we now have started a new coffee business because of that country. If this is really a burning desire I would pack up and go. We met a young 30 year old male in Costa Rica 2 years ago while touring that country. He was an american who was an ex navy seal, then he joined the (sorry I cannot remember the name of the u.s. group he joined) and asked to be stationed somewhere on the pacific coast in South America as he loved the water. He ended up on the Andes in Peru (so much for the beautiful beaches). His story was fascinating. We asked why he was in Costa Rica. He came to surf and to meet his dad who had a home in Costa Rica. He was then going back to the mountains where he lived with a ketchuan family - he spoke fluent spanish and ketchuan. What was even more exciting was that he was planning to get married to a peruvian girl. He was a shy young man, and would visit a little cafe in the mountains where this young woman would help run the coffee shop for a relative. She broke the ice one day and spoke to him. He told us he had is eye on her but was to shy to say anything to her. Well the rest is history. The whole point was that he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life after being in the military. He was in Peru helping families live from day to day. Do want you want to do or you will kick yourself in years to come. You will meet new and interesting people. Go for it.

Tome una oportunidad en la vida!
Darlene



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10 years ago, November 2nd 2008 No: 18 Msg: #53222  
Here is a related thread.

Oh Happy Days
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10 years ago, November 6th 2008 No: 19 Msg: #53694  
B Posts: 102
As Johanna said...you've come to a travel community...I think the advice is a bit biased here. 😊 Reply to this

10 years ago, November 6th 2008 No: 20 Msg: #53700  
B Posts: 102
Hey...how did Jo get an actual smiley face instead of just 😊 ? Reply to this

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