Finally, I tasted the sweet lips of the SNG ...

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North America » United States
December 31st 2006
Published: September 30th 2017
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Stalking Update #13: 9:30:33 AM - After breakfast, we found this tray of unfinished food that one of the SNG left behind. Did we eat it? Of course not, what kindo of sickos do you think we are? Instead, we carefully put the leftovers into Ziploc bags. We will attempt to clone the SNG when we return to Calgary. This is purely for scientific reasons. I am conducting a study on the effects that scantily-clad hot latinas feeding me grapes will have on my stress level. It's not about helping myself, but about improving quality of life for all of mankind.
Geo: 23.7762, -81.2241

A lazy day. Ate breakfast, then off to the debarkation talk - just a bunch of propaganda! There were a few useful tidbits but it was pretty much all a last-minute attempt at a cash grab. Deals, specials, sales ... really, why would there be any sales on a ship that will be fully-loaded with passengers again in a day, and fully re-stocked with more junk to sell? It's all a calculated marketing strategy to steal those tourist dollars! But I have to admit - it works brilliantly!

Afterward, up to the pool. As to be expected on a sea day, it was packed and also as to be expected, the weather was nice again once we left the Caribbean. We ran into Tazmin and Zahir and said we'd meet up for lunch. Went up to the top deck, suntanned, chilled, and read my book. Grabbed lunch where we loaded up on the seafood - bouillabaisse, seared tuna, calamari, etc. There was also a chocolate buffet - there was some good stuff and some mediocre stuff. But who can really complain when there's chocolate as far as the eye can see?

Tam and I tried some of Zahir's

It was crunch time ... a bottle of rum and only 2 nights left to drink it all. We made a good dent in it with the first round.
Johnnie Walker after lunch. I think it's an acquired taste. He's trying to finish his bottle like we're trying to finish our rum. Back up to the top deck for more sun. Lazy, lazy, lazy today. After that, I packed and got dressed for dinner. Sat in a lounge for a bit, catching up on the journal. Ate some crappy sushi - I needed to get something in my stomach as I was feeling the rum we were desperately trying to get rid of.

Off to dinner - can't remember what I had, but chances are that it was pretty pedestrian. After, we checked out the big finale show. Couldn't find a seat because there was only one show tonight. Guests auditioned all week in the karaoke bar for the chance to go on stage and impersonate famous singers. It was nothing special but it was actually a really good idea - it got the guests excited, involved in the cruise, and gave it an "American Idol" feel.

Hung out for a bit and went to the disco - it was absolutely dead. There were no SNG sightings all day .... why? Why??? WHY!!!?!???! It's the only thing

Desperate times call for desperate measures ... this cookie house had been on display for the entire cruise. Sensing that my chances to gorge away without conscience were slipping away, I knew that I had to eat everything in sight! See what cruising does to you? It reduces you to little more than a hog with its nose in a slop trough!
that we had to look forward to on this cruise!

But then we walked back to the cabin, where ...

Stalking Update #16: 12:49:51 AM - ... we saw the younger SNG talking to her mother in the corridor. It appeared to be an argument of some sort, in .... Portuguese?!??! Could we have been mistaken? Are the SNG actually half-Latina, half-Brazilian?

My definition of the perfect woman must now be amended to "Petite, half-Spanish/Latina & half-Brazilian senorita, brunette, impossibly cute, shy, with a sexy/seductive/sultry voice, can play "Canon in D" flawlessly on the violin (and hopefully "Ave Maria"😉, and can bake a pain au chocolat so beautiful that it would make me weep."

I actually have that tattooed on my butt so that I will never forget it! After returning from Europe, I had actually run out of room to add any more things to the list. But after the cruise and its buffets, I now have a little more real estate to work with!

My Portuguese is pretty rusty ... but I believe that the younger SNG was saying "You cannot stop me! I have fallen madly in love with, and want to marry that crazy, skinny,

The dining room - the scene of boring dinners and mediocre meals.
and tall Asian stalker with the afro!" To which the SNG's Yummy Mummy responded "You cannot, because your older sister Faye feels the same way! It will break her heart!"

"You are right, Yummy Mummy ... we cannot let this stalker come between us. For my sister, I will forever hide my feelings ..." she sobbed through her tears. This story is completely true! At least, it's the truth according to the quadruple rum and Coke I had downed 30 minutes before!

Grabbed another rum and Coke at the cabin and went out for another walk. Wandered past the disco and ...

Stalking Update #18: 1:26:48 AM - ... we saw the older SNG!!! The disco was pretty dead and we had to get up pretty early tomorrow, so we didn't bother going in. But as I walked by, her eyes met mine and she gave me a look that said "I want you more than anything, but it would break my little sister's heart". At least, that's the story according to the other rum and Coke that I had downed only minutes before!

Back to the cabin to call it a night. On the way ...

Stalking Update #15: 11:38:21 PM - Finally, I tasted the sweet lips of the SNG ... it still counts even though it was via half-eaten and slobber soaked rib bones, right???

Stalking Update #19: 1:34:16 AM - ... we saw the younger SNG coming down the steps!!! We considered following her back down to the disco, but decided not to. Best not to destroy the family, I figured! I am such a delusional ... uh ... I mean .... selfless man ...

Other than that, it was an uneventful night.

Additional photos below
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Stalking Update #17: 12:53:55 AM - Disgusting!!!! Why was Tam licking this rail? Because only moments before, the younger of the SNG was arguing with her Mom and leaning on this very spot. The only thing MORE disgusting that what Tam did? Me trying to lick the rail through a layer of his slobber. Sad, so sad ... only stalkers could turn an innocent phrase such as "Licking the rail" into something dirty!

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