I don't think canvas straps are meant to do that!

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December 30th 2006
Published: September 30th 2017
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Standing on the pier at Cozumel.
Geo: 20.3435, -86.5985

Had a rough night - very little sleep. Plus, we had to get up early to catch our tours. We ended up sitting around in a lounge waiting to board a ferry for the mainland (Cozumel is an island, but our tours were on the mainland).

The seas were rough - luckily it was a bigger boat than the little tenders we took in Belize and Grand Cayman. It actually felt a little bit dangerous - the boat was rocking back and forth like crazy. I almost died in the bathroom - try taking a whiz while the boat is violently listing back and forth! The floor was slippery (covered in you-know-what) ... after, I felt a great sense of accomplishment in successfully doing my business without spilling all of it (I think at least 50% made it in the toilet), and without falling on my head.

What a horrible way to die - slipping on a puddle of piss, cracking my skull open, and then drowning in the aforementioned puddle of piss. But perhaps surviving the whiz unscathed was a bad thing ... because if I was knocked unconscious, I might have received mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by ...

Stalking Update

Standing on the pier at Cozumel. Can you tell the difference between this picture and the last? You shouldn't be able to, since us Asians all look the same!
#10: 8:48:41 AM - ... the SNG! They were on-board with the Family. We had never before seen them in such close proximity and such a confined space. They had nowhere to run ... and nowhere to hide ... it was time to escalate the stalking ...

The rough seas meant that many people were getting sick. So in a chivalrous gesture, I offered them barf bags. I didn't want them to ruin their perfect hair and bikinis with little chunks of semi-digested Carnival breakfast buffet food, after all. They were actually quite receptive to it. But they seemed much less receptive to me after they used the bags, and I asked if I could use them as pillows that night. Women - I'll never understand them! Sleeping on their barf bags is a big compliment, isn't it???

Got off the boat, where Tam and I split up (he was going to the ruins of Tulum and I was off to the Xcaret ecological park). There wasn't much that I wanted to see in Cozumel, so I decided on doing a mainland tour. Secretly, Tam and I hoped that the SNG would be on the same tours as us. And though we

I didn't take any pictures today, so these are all Tam's - the ruins of Tulum.
didn't say it, we both knew what each other was thinking - if the SNG happened to be on one of our tours, the other would kill the other and take his place. All is fair when it comes to the SNG!

So of course, they never ended up going on either of our tours. But at least I had their barf bags to keep me company! Off to Xcaret. It's famous for its underground river, where you can float or swim along. It was difficult to do because one of the leg straps on my life vest was broken, so it didn't fit properly. The float down the river was basically an hour long floating atomic wedgie.

The float through the river was actually pretty cool, aside from being violated by a canvas strap in an unnatural way. Afterward, I walked around the park (actually, it was more like waddled - the canvas strap REALLY got to me). I'm not a big fan of the place - more for kids and families than adults.

I found a nice hammock and chilled for awhile, but it was very windy out. I just enjoyed the sun while cheesy Spanish love songs played

in my head. Like I said before, it's a bit of an obsession/mental disorder/psychiatric problem that I have with the language.

Food was pricey there so I was glad that I had some granola bars and stolen bananas in my backpack. Despite working now, I still can't break my backpacking/thieving habits that I picked up in Europe this summer. Also, the Chinese disposition towards cheapness is hardwired into my DNA. It's a tough habit to break.

Like the old saying goes - "You can take the boy out of the backpack, but you can't take the backpack out of the boy". Alright, so I made that one up. I also made up another saying today - just take the previous saying and substitute "backpack" with "canvas strap". At least, that's what the surgeon told me when I climbed out of the river. Luckily, Carnival offered a special on "Atomic Wedgie Rejunvenation" in its spa. Just what the doctor ordered!

After chilling in the hammock, I checked out the bat cave. It was a bust, as I was hoping that Catwoman would be there. I wanted to hear her purr in Spanish. Those damn Spaniards and their sexy rolling of their double

Why does this guy keep appearing in our pictures? He's the equivalent of the Travelocity traveling garden gnome!

Went to the aquarium - nothing special. Really, it's a great place for families but not so good for me. The bus didn't leave for awhile but since I had nothing left to do, I hopped aboard for a nap. On the way I wanted to buy some churros, but they wouldn't give any US dollars for change. I would have been stuck with worthless pesos - if I wanted to stuff my wallet full of worthless money I would have brought along Monopoly money, or even worse, Canadian dollars!

Met up with the other mainland tour groups at the port. Managed to see ....

Stalking Update #11: 5:48:31 - PM .... the SNG once again! I casually scoped them out to see if they were still hot and ... yup, they were! All was still right with the Universe!

Also ran into Tam and Nasser & Jana, a couple that he had befriended. The ferry was late so they really hauled ass back to the boat. The ride was much smoother this time, so I wasn't able to get another set of SNG barf-bag pillows.

Tam bought some more rum on shore. This time, it was confiscated by Carnival. They

had a huge tub filled with contraband alcohol - guess we weren't the only cheap people on board.

Dinner - Crawfish etoufee and ceviche for the appetizers. Mediocre. Chateaubriand - very good; probably one of the best mains I had on the entire cruise. Accompanied with a decent pinot noir. I had a double dessert tonight - baked Alaska and amaretto cake. Both weren't too bad.

After, we did some more stool dancing in the nightclub. Had a good view because ...

Stalking Update #12: 12:48:31 AM - ... we saw the SNG in the nightclub! The older one was shakin' her booty on the dancefloor and as Beyonce would say, it definitely was "bootylicious". But unfortunately they were hanging out with two Latino brothers 😞 I have named them the DALBTIWKTB (dumb-ass Latino brothers that I would kill to be).

The older of the SNG was dancing with one of the brothers and ... wow! Both were incredible dancers. If I shook my hips like that I'd probably dislocate my pelvis! Mental note: take Latin dancing lessons when I return to Canada. It's the only way to catch a SNG! But while the Latino brother could shake his ass way

better than Tam or I ever could, he couldn't hold a candle to our mad stool-dancing skills! And as a stalker, he was second-rate!

We took solace in the fact that the SNG probably had no romantic interest in the DALBTIWKTB. They probably only served as bodyguards to protect the SNG from the CAPS (creepy Asian perverted stalkers) that were on board the ship.

Additional photos below
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Nasser and Jana.


Lesbians in the disco - cool. Cute young lesbians in the disco - cooler. Cute young lesbians bumping and grinding in the disco? The coolest!

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