John flashes his balls at the mall

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May 16th 2009
Published: September 30th 2017
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What would a stag be without embarrassing the groom by parading him around public in a funny outfit? Choice #1: Perhaps Hugh Hefner will see John in this outfit and make him the centerfold in the next "Hot Chinese delivery boys" issue. The downside is that drunken men may throw quarters at him for a chance to pull on his "tail".
Geo: 36.0846, -115.172

3:45 AM - the alarm goes off ... crap ... time to get ready for the flight! Over to Tri's house, where his mom gave us a ride to the airport. The last time I saw Tri's mom was when I helped Tri move some of his old furniture to his parents' place. All I remember is his family complaining non-stop about Tri's gas problems (a very common topic amongst all his friends, also), and his mom complaining about Tri's old bed frame missing a bolt. Tri responded "You don't need that bolt, I've never had it and it was always fine", to which his mom replied with a wink and a smile "It's because you don't use that bed as much as we will!" I kid you not! Too much information!!!

4:30 AM - the rest of the crew arrived at the airport. All week, we had been emailing each other about the embarrassing outfits that we were going to force John to wear while parading him up and down the Las Vegas Strip. We had all decided that the choice would be the Borat Mankini - who knew that such a tiny piece of fabric would give

Choice #2: With this outfit, John can treat any fellow tourists suffering from heat exhaustion. The downside is that the white fishnet stockings will blend in too much with his pale, hairless legs.
us so many hours of jokes and fun, all at John's expense?

Check-in was quick, while customs and security were not. We still arrived at the gate with plenty of time to relax, have breakfast, and make more Mankini jokes at John's expense, before boarding our flight. Nothing of note happened on the flight except for even more jokes at John's expense, which only lasted for about 15 minutes, because we soon all passed out. The other passengers were quite happy about this, as we were all being pretty loud and obnoxious - but hey, it's John's stag so it's expected!!!

8:30 AM - the plane landed and we headed over to the rental car centre. What would be the perfect car for a boys-only trip down to Vegas? Something sleek, something sporty, something sexy ... a ... Chrysler minivan??!!?! That's what you get when there are 7 cheap Asian guys looking to get a good deal on transportation!

Off to the strip - some of the first big name hotels we came across were Mandalay Bay, Luxor, New York New York ... first impression - tacky! All of the construction taking place didn't exactly make for the best first

Choice #3: John could make a few extra bucks with this one, maybe earning tips for cleaning rooms at the hotel. The downside is that guests may demand extra "services". But hey - what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas, right?
impression, and Vegas definitely didn't seem as glitzy as movies and TV would lead you to believe. Hopefully this changes when the sun goes down, and the neon lights brighten the desert sky.

We hoped to get a VERY early check in, and this was likely possible given how dead Vegas is nowadays, with the economic problems in the states. A few of us got confirmation from the front desk that this was possible, and the rest of us brought all the bags in. A VERY pushy bellhop started giving us attitude - "Where are you guys going?" We told him we were checking in. "Check-in isn't until 1 PM!" We told him we had an early check-in. "Early check-in isn't until 11 AM!!!" Dude, back off! Your friggin' front desk just told us to bring our bags up!!!

The room was quite luxurious compared to the hotels I've been staying in the past few years. A huge bathroom, dampers on the toilet seat that prevented it from slamming down, flat-panel LCD TV ... no time to enjoy the amenities, as we were supposed to all meet downstairs in a few minutes. We hopped in the van and waited ...

Choice #4: Princess Leia - John's hair is too short, so he might need to stick a couple of danishes over his ears to get the hair right. The potential downside - Jabba the Hut might find him so irrestible that he keeps John as his own personal play thing, or while walking late at night in the seedy downtown portion of Vegas, some old dude resembling Yoda might ask him to play with his "light saber".
and waited ... and waited some more ... where the heck were Jason and Tri? What could they be DOING together that was taking so long? A little foreshadowing, for events that would unfold tomorrow night ...

Finally, we hit the road for the outlet mall at Primm - first order of business was lunch. The rest of the guys opted for Japanese noodles, but Jason, Tri, and I went to the food court for some Philly cheese steak. Pretty small and blah ... I needed a Coke for a jolt of caffeine. Still needing to wake up, I grabbed a coffee over at Illy - not bad, but a cappuccino or something similar would've been a better choice.

After Primm, we considered checking out another outlet mall in Vegas, but decided to take it easy as we were all wiped out - back to the hotel. Everybody else headed over to the Fashion Show mall to grab tickets for a show tonight, and I grabbed a quick shower and an even quicker nap. My one complaint about the room is the crappy shower - I had to lean in very close to the wall to wash my hair, so

Choice #5: The ultimate choice, the Borat Mankini!!! The most comfortable of them all, as this outfit offers maximum cooling for the horrid Las Vegas heat. Such good friends that we are, we want John to be completely comfortable during all times for his stag. The downside? There is none!!!
that I was practically making out with the shower head. But hey, what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas, right?

I headed off to the Fashion Show mall on my own as I felt like walking, but didn't feel like doing so in the horrific heat. Ahh ... A/C ... it was a typical mall, so nothing special - but it was worth coming in just to cool off for a while.

Back to the hotel to get ready for dinner - we didn't have any big plans tonight, just dinner and a show. And what would a trip to Vegas be without gorging on a buffet? On our way down to the lobby, John and I ran into a couple and their daughter, who sat right in front of us on the plane ride over. They noticed the ball and chain on John's leg, and realized we were here for a stag. They made some comments along the lines of "So that's why you guys were so rowdy on the plane ..."

Off to the Rio, for their seafood buffet - pretty disappointing, I must say. Perhaps if you're a big fan of cold seafood (I'm not), and you

The first of us to arrive at the airport. This trip started with Tri and Jason, and it would END with Tri and Jason. Ooh ... more foreshadowing ...
don't mind spending 3/4 of your meal cracking open crab legs, sucking on them, and then spitting out little bits of shell (I do mind), this would be a good place to eat. We do have a few big seafood eaters in the group, but even they complained about the general poor quality of the offerings, like the rubbery oysters on the half shell.

There were a few other decent dishes and the dessert selection was alright, but overall the buffet was pretty lacking. It's probably all the hype that Vegas gets, because based on what people say, the buffet should be about 10 times the size. The value was good if all you wanted to do was stuff your face with as many crab legs as possible, which is a very Asian thing to do 😊 But if you're looking to sample a number of other decent non-seafood dishes, this place is both a waste of time and money. Of course, the meal was almost worth the $38 USD just to hear Justin say "Sucking on heads is good, because you get all the yummy juices!" I hope he was talking about the cocktail shrimps! And let's not

Waiting at the terminal - John, and his ghastly pale white legs. John looks so unhappy because we kept razzing him about wearing Borat's mankini.
forget the hot Asian girl eating at the restaurant, that caused us all to salivate more than any of the food offerings did ...

Despite being mediocre, we still stuffed ourselves almost to the point of bursting our stomachs - it's the Asian way after all, and we're damn proud of it! Except for me apparently, as Tri has previously asserted on many occasions that I hate my own kind. Hate is quite a harsh word, it's just that my own kind aren't Spanish enough, and I really should've been born a Spaniard instead of a Chinese man!

Back to the hotel for Cirque Du Soleil's Mystere - most of us have all seen multiple Cirque shows, but there were still some impressive parts to this one. About halfway through, I realized that I had previously seen a good portion of the show before on TV. There was a VERY annoying group of girls behind us that kept squealing with glee over the stupidest little trick, and kept talking, and talking ... until Tri turned around and shushed them. Good job!

The evening winded down with some casino time - neither Tri and I are big gamblers, so John suggested

Tri and Justin laughing about aforementioned mankini, and John still stewing about it.
we play some slots just to get some free drinks. So much for that - I lost $15 and the waitress never came by to take a drink order. We would've been better off just going to a bar and paying for a drink - we did try, but there wasn't much selection in the hotel. Off to bed ... wiped out, after such a long day - we'd all been up for almost 24 hours straight.

Additional photos below
Photos: 46, Displayed: 28



In case you couldn't believe how ghastly pale white John's legs were in the first photo, here's a close-up. He's actually wearing white fishnet stockings, but they blend in all too well with his legs.

Breakfast - a crappy blueberry bran muffin from Tim Horton's. I don't understand why the Tim's past the security checkpoint doesn't offer anything more substantial, like bagels and cream cheese, or a breakfast sandwich.

Feeling unsatisfied and seeing/smelling some of the other guys eating them, I grabbed a breakfast sandwich from Harvey's. Pretty bad.

Justin, sleeping on the plane with his sleep mask. We all wondered if Justin knew that only women wore these ...

John and Tri, also sleeping - John's going to be needing his energy for parading up and down the Vegas strip in a sexy outfit!

Khanh's got a smart method of sleeping - resting his chin on his shoulder allows his shirt to absorb all the drool.

One last shot of Justin - kinda reminds me of those monoliths from Easter Island.

I browsed the duty-free shopping guide, and found another potential outfit for John to wear ...

I found something for my front yard. I hate gardening, but would definitely put forth the effort to install this! Perhaps it would deter my parents from sneaking into my house and snooping around every time I am away.

Khanh's daypack - looks more like a James Bond-style jetpack than a backpack! We all wondered why Khanh didn't just use this to fly to Vegas, instead of paying for a flight. Perhaps Khanh could only use it to save the world from the Russians, the Koreans, the terrorists, or whoever else that Hollywood villifies nowadays in its action movies.

Walking to the baggage claim in Vegas, everybody smiling and happy to publicly ridicule ... uh ... I mean ... celebrate ... this happy occasion with John.

Going down the escalator - notice how everybody is smiling, except for John?

Maybe it was because he saw these signs, and thought we might dress him up as Bette Midler or Cher, or even worse, a hybrid of both.

7th July 2009

What exactly is a Tropical Thatch?<br>Rachelkw xx

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