Naples, FL (Flippin' Lush!!) - Part 2

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After yesterday's trolley bus tour, now we know where things are, we took time this morning to take a closer look at a few of the features around Naples. Like all cities in the USA, Naples adopts the street/avenue grid system with the streets running parallel north to south and the avenues running west to east. Gulf Shore Boulevard runs parallel with the coast so is also 1^stStreet. We drove the two and a bit miles from our hotel down this exclusive and quiet road that would definitely give the leafy suburbs of Belgravia in London a run for their money.

Originally built in 1888 as a freight and passenger dock, Naples Pier stands as a city landmark. A narrow gauge train transported freight and baggage the entire length of the pier in the early 1900s. This pier has seen more regeneration than the complete box set of Dr Who DVDs having been rebuilt after damage by hurricanes in 1910, fire in 1912 then more hurricanes in1926 and 1960, it remains a major part of the area's history.

Naples is home to a large population of second-home owners, many of whom are affluent and own several homes across the US and around the world. This large transient population (who often considers home to be somewhere else) stay only a few weeks to several months, generally during winter. The likes of Buzz Aldrin, Bill Gates, Judge Judy and Donna Summer to name but a few have property here. Some celebs are full-time residents, while others are part-time and visit periodically.

I must confess, for such a salubrious area, the pier is not what I imaged. Where were the stalls selling ‘kiss me quick' hats. If Naples had latched on to Blackpool's gaudy souvenir trade I'm sure they would at least get the grammar right and the hats would read ‘kiss me quickly'!! No candy floss or toffee apple outlets either. Most disappointing. Not even a sinister looking arcade ‘Zoltar' fortune telling machine like the one seen in the movie ‘Big'!! The pier is simply a 600ft appendage that stretches out from the miles of white sand in to the Gulf of Mexico. The plain pier is what makes it attractive. It was busy today but not over crowded. Fisherman stood at regular intervals, one complaining the Pelican's had stolen his bait whilst another waited patiently for a bite. Looking over the rail to the crystal clear water below, shoals of small fish swam in no particular formation as if poorly choreographed by Craig Revel-Horwood's hip replacement!! They seemed to be saying: ‘Our lives are in danger but we can't remember why!!' There was something Attenboroughesque about watching an excited pod of brown pelicans (I googled the collective noun!!) loitering around ground zero before taking turns in swooping down, ungracefully splashing in to the sea and coming up with dozens of fish in their bills.

After our pleasant stroll along the pier, we wandered around the streets and avenues admiring the decorations celebrating this time of the year. In one front lawn was a full re-enactment of the ‘Nativity'. As with the food in restaurants, the freeways and the amusement park, the nativity was supersized!!

The Naples Depot Museum has the tag line ‘History Starts Here'. I noticed a very narrow gauge rail track that skirted the perimeter of the museum. Not far from the entrance stood a few dungaree clad men wearing Casey Jones style hats. They were gathered around a model train engine. However the steam locomotive must have been at least five feet long and two feet high. As I said, everything is supersized over here!! Interesting as it looked, we decided not to venture in to what I'm sure would be a unique experience as we had two sunbeds back at the hotel with our names on them unlike some of the non-English speaking guests who had their towels on them. I'm not naming the nation although we did beat them in two world wars and one world cup!!!

We decided to have lunch in a restaurant called Milano's on 5^th Avenue. Having been seated and checked out the menu how could we up and leave without seeming like cheapskates. This was not a cheap restaurant? Roisin then spotted a promotional offer. Burger and fries with a beer for $12. (£8) Still sounds a tad expensive but don't forget where we are! When the dish arrived I thought I'd leapt in to an episode of Man versus Food!!!

We managed to find two towel-free sun loungers so spent the afternoon under the sun. The temperature remained a steady sunny 82 degrees.

When we take root in one place for more than a couple of days, we always check out for local sporting events and on this occasion it was no different. The U.S are currently in the middle of the Ice Hockey season. The local Ice Hockey team, the Florida Everblades, play in the Germain stadium in Estero, on the outskirts of Ft. Myers, about seventeen miles from our hotel. The Everblades are a relatively new outfit having been formed in 1998. They are in Hockey's third tier, the East Coast Hockey League (ECHL) and are currently top of their league. The stadium is all-seater housing 7,100 spectators and apart from a few partly obscured seats, this evening the Germain Stadium was full.

Santa and one of his foxy not so little helpers was posing for photos on the concourse. Most of the spectators were milling around, browsing the souvenir stands and food and drink counters. Some were stood catching up on the latest news via the match day programme. What they all had in common were the stuffed teddy bears they all seemed to be carrying. We had no idea where they were coming from. I could comprehend small children clutching on to their favourite cuddly toy but a forty-five year old with brown cropped hair and arms full of tattoos? Each to their own!

The game was fast paced and end to end. Despite this, the Everblades found themselves 0-2 down after the first period. And still everyone clutched on to their teddies!!

Half way through the second period and with the score still 0-2 to the Royals an announcement was made over the public address system: ‘If the Everblades fail to score in this period the Teddy Bear toss will be done during the interval.' Intriguing. There is obviously a reason why everyone looks like they have just come from having picnic in the woods…and they were the plus one!!!

Just when it looked like being a goalless second period, the Everblades popped up to reduce the deficit by half. 1-2. The crowd rose to their feet and roared. As the other players were still congratulating the goal scorer, the nets that stop the puck from dangerously flying in to the spectators began to raise, as soon a as gap between the Perspex guard and the net appeared, it started to rain teddy bears. All shapes and sizes began to rain on to the ice. Within minutes the field was obliterated by hundreds if not thousands of stuffed toys. Whilst the majority were of the ursine variety I spotted elephants, giraffes the odd Meer cat and many raggedy dolls! All players stood by the bench and watched. Wave after wave the cuddly toys bombarded the field of play until the ‘fluffy' onslaught turned to a trickle (or should that be tickle!!) This spectacle known as the ‘'Teddy bear toss' is a popular Christmas season promotion at many ice hockey arenas throughout North America. Fans are encouraged to bring teddy bears or other soft toys to the game, and to throw them onto the ice when the home team scores its first goal. The toys at this evenings ‘toss' were then slowly gathered up with the help of three pick-up trucks, a bevy of cheer leaders and hundreds of black bin bags!! We were told they will now be donated as Christmas presents to hospitals and charities. (The Teddies not the bin bags!!)

Somehow I can't see this catching on at English football stadiums. The only thing to be chucked on to the pitch given half a chance would be the odd bottle or dart!!

The final score was a 2-1 defeat to the home team but despite this loss the fans knew they had seen something good happen tonight and we were privileged and lucky enough to be present on the one day of the year that this fantastic gesture happens.

So down to our final full day of our holiday. It seems such a long time since Denis and his sing-a-long bus in Antigua. I had developed a cough and cold but as we still have a few days free from work when we arrive home, I hope I can shake off this inconvenience!

On our last afternoon we visited the Naples Player Community Theatre. This is a small establishment in the middle of South 5^th Avenue. The play we had come to see was aptly named ‘the Foreigner' by American playwright Larry Shue.

The plot is based in a resort style fishing lodge owned by Betty and revolves around two of its guests, one of which is on business for the military. As civilians are not allowed on base, Charlie is asked to stay in the lodge for a few days while Staff Sgt Froggy Leseur visits the army base. Unfortunately Charlie is painfully shy and somewhat unsociable and will only stay at the lodge if he doesn't have to speak to anyone. Froggy has the notion to announce that Charlie is from a far foreign and exotic land and doesn't speak a word of English. Before long, Charlie finds himself privy to assorted secrets and scandals freely discussed in front of him by the other visitors. One of the secrets Charlie overhears is between a dodgy preacher man and Owen Musser, the racist county property inspector who plans to oust Betty and convert the lodge into a meeting place for the Ku Klux Klan. Needless to say Charlie uses his subterfuge to save the day. One of the best lines is said by Betty as the play reaches its climax and Owen having been rumbled storms the lodge with some of his hooded KKK mates to try to take it by force and lynch the foreigner. Betty refers to the KKK leader as: ‘Nothing but a sheet head!!'

During the second act, having already finished one bottle of water, my throat decides to have a coughing fit. I left my seat as quietly as possible and headed for the foyer in search of the refreshments kiosk. The foyer was empty except for two elderly ladies playing scrabble across from the refreshment stand. As I approached, the lady facing me looked up from her tiles.

‘Can I have a bottle of water please?' I asked turning toward the counter.

‘What did he say?' One of the ladies whispered to the other.

‘I don't know! Something about water!!!'

The first lady (as in lady number 1 and not the president's wife!) rose leaving her game and walked to the side of the counter.

‘A bottle of water please', I repeated pointing to the fridge.

The lady obviously understood sign language because without further hesitation she went straight to the fridge and grabbed a ‘cold one'.

Our journey to Naples saw us take Interstate 75. We decided to return to Miami International airport via an alternative route. We took a road known as the Tamiami Trail. This is a stretch of route 41 between Tampa and Miami and is derived from mashing the names of these two cities together. US Route 41 continues a further 2,000 miles to Milwaukee. Our 2hr 20min journey cut right through the heart of the Everglades National Park. There are many nature reserves en route that offer air boat rides, swamp critter shows and miles of nature trails. There are also a number of Indian villages signposted as such. On this occasion, though, the crocs, snakes and 'injuns' will have to wait until next time we pass this way as time waits for no man (and neither do British Airways!!)

At this point it is usual to conclude by saying, ‘Well that's it for another year' though let's not be hasty. Let's just say, ‘Well that's it for a couple of months' and take it from there!!

The 7 ½ hour flight was pretty uneventful. Of all the flights Mrs. H and I have taken, the flight attendants on this transatlantic flight were by far the worst. There was no banter, no smiles. When I asked for a brandy as my pre dinner drink, I was given just one small bottle. On all other flights, without exception, I have received at least two bottles. We never saw the drinks trolley after that. I have since been told by a British Airway's employee that it is policy to provide drinks after dinner. Either we were facing a very lazy crew or once the lights dimmed in was party time in the galley!! When we came to leave the aircraft none of the crew stood by the door. They were nowhere to be seen.

As we flew home from Miami Premium economy we were automatically upgraded to business class from London to Manchester. The catch was that there is no business class on these flights!! Despite this setback, our tickets allowed us in to the British Airways business class lounge. We landed at Heathrow at 06:30am. As our connection was not until 10:20 it was time to seek out some breakfast in said lounge. Whilst tucking in to my third bacon buttie, Roisin and I heard a distinctive North London accent. Following the direction of the voice, I swivelled my heard to see across a crowded lounge ex Middlesex and England cricketer Phil Tufnell in conversation with ex London Wasps and England Rugby Union scrum-half Matt Dawson. Nah…they couldn't be…..could they??

In the first entry to this blog I mentioned that in keeping within trend Phil Thompson, ex Liverpool and England soccer player shared the flight down to Heathrow with us. Sure enough Phil Tufnell and Matt Dawson boarded our flight en route to Salford's Media City where they're likely to be recording some episodes of Comedy Celebrity Quiz show where they are the respective captains of opposing teams.

‘Oh no! They've put me in another bloody window seat!' Phil Tufnell was heard to have muttered to Matt Dawson as he shuffled his way down the aisle of the Airbus 321, (otherwise known as a ‘Dusty Bin' in the trade!!) passed a seated Roisin and I.

So what have I learnt from this experience? You can't buy figgy pudding in Macys; the Beatles last album was not Abbey Road; CNBC show English premier league football games but it's not possible to hack this TV network from a Virgin Media TiVo box and Phil Tufnell prefers an aisle seat!!!

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