Mary went to Sexyland to get her Sexyback


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Europe » Spain
August 28th 2007
Published: September 30th 2017
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Breakfast. Buns, croissants, an ensaimada, juice, coffee ... blah.
Geo: 39.4702, -0.376804

Watched some Spanish punk videos on TV before heading down for the included breakfast. Interesting ... couldn't make out any of the lyrics, however. We hiked back to the castle since we missed it yesterday. Quite the adventure! There were some paths cut off with police tape and barricaded. Finally managed to get to the castle - nothing special on the inside. We took some pictures and went back to the hotel.

We checked out and picked up some salads from the grocery store, on the way to the train station. There was nothing departing for Valencia for several hours so we went to the bus station instead. As we ate our salads outside, a catfight broke out! It could have been quite an enjoyable and memorable experience for me if it were between two beautiful senoritas, but sadly it was between two middle-aged women that were the equivalent of Spanish trailer-park trash!

Before departing, I realized that the salad wasn't going to cut it so I purchased a pork/bacon/lettuce/mayo sandwich. Tasty ... on to the bus - despite assigned seating, we found another tourist in one of our seats. She told us that you were allowed to sit
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Why was Mary laughing so hard? Because ...
anywhere - I never understand this because what's the point of assigning seats? There weren't any two seats together left, so we asked her to move. Of course, if she were Spanish ... perhaps I would have been more lenient ...

An uneventful bus ride, with the exception of the chocolate we munched on. Chocolate is always memorable. We arrived in Valencia - I almost left my daypack on the bus, with my passport, camera, iPod, etc! Not good! Luckily, I remembered just after stepping off the bus.

We hopped a local bus to the city centre - I asked the driver if he could let us know when we arrived at Plaza Ayuntamiento. He tersely responded "No!". What the heck? But then he said "Ask me in 10 minutes, when we are closer." It was kind of funny because the first impression is that he was quite rude, but he ended up being very helpful. There were also a few Aussies on board the bus, also here for the tomato fight tomorrow.

Arrived at the hotel - a decent place. Mary-ism #4: "It's too tight, it won't fit!" What was she talking about? It wasn't as dirty as you might
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... she was staring at my butt!!! She couldn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes and said it was the pockets hanging out that did it. Hey, it's how I keep my butt cool on hot days! It's OK ... it's not the first time that women have laughed at my butt :(
think - it was the tiny little elevator we tried to cram ourselves and our backpacks into.

Mary Moment #11: Mary didn't wait for the elevator door to fully open again, and ran into it. Perhaps she was anxious to get out of the elevator because the heat of Valencia was not doing anything good for my BO.

We dropped off our bags and went in search of the TI. The girl working there folded a map for us - I've never seen it done so intricately before. Perhaps she wanted me and wanted to impress me with her map origami skills. Or maybe she was trying to fold it in the shape of an extended middle finger, but couldn't quite do it properly.

Off to the City of Arts and Sciences. Cool! Very futuristic and impressive, indeed. It was a hot day and we had run out of water. Mary had never tried the famous Spanish almond drink horchata before - now was as good a time as any. She said it tasted like mud - I responded that I didn't know, because I don't usually consume mud.

Mary-ism #5: Mary remarked how clean the water in the various
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View from the castle.
fountains and pools was, and wondered if it was special water. I told her that it was magic water that never got dirty, and repelled all trash. Strangely, she seemingly believed me ...

We didn't really go into any of the attractions - science museums and aquariums really aren't my thing. We simply walked around and took some pictures. After, we stopped at a nearby mall in hopes of finding a good dinner option. We thought the mall was pretty similar to one we went to in Lisbon. We were disappointed to find that it didn't have any good dinner choices like the one in Lisbon. Mmmm ... we drooled as we remembered the roasted pork and the duck rice we had in Lisbon ... one of our few good meals on that trip ...

We took a bus back to the hotel - there was a very attractive Spanish girl speaking English with a bunch of tourists. Remember Virginie Ledoyen from the Leonardo Dicaprio movie "The Beach"? Imagine her infused with the natural Spanish beauty and sensibility, and you have an idea of what this girl on the bus looked like. Pretty impressive, eh?

To be honest, I didn't look over
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Again, I didn't want to take a picture of me simulating urinating in a turret, but Mary threatened me if I didn't comply. Bad girl.
at her very much. But I was still mesmerized by her accent - secretly, I hoped that there would be a terrible car accident or gridlock that would extend the ride back to the hotel. I was in bliss ...

Back at the hotel - the reception guy kept rebuffing my attempts at speaking Spanish. Have my skills really gotten that bad? No matter; I couldn't care less about Spanish hotel receptionists that weren't female, cute, and sweet anyway!

Off to dinner - Mary-ism #6: I joked to Mary that I should charge her for being her tour guide. She told me that her "companionship" was enough. I think her "Fortune Cookie" persona was coming out to play. Mary! What kind of guy do you think I am?

Dinner at "El Rall" was decent, but not overly memorable (not many meals in Spain are!). I tried listening to some of the locals talk - the dialect here is definitely distinctive, or it may even have been Catalan.

Mary was feeling sick so we weren't able to finish the sangria. A shame! We walked back to the hotel - a car full of guys drove by and screamed something unintelligible. We guessed that
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Many people carved their initials or messages into this cactus. At least Mary was smarter than John and didn't decide to grab it with her bare hands.
they may have said "How much for a 'Fortune Cookie'"?

We passed by a table with one Spanish guy and 4 attractive Spanish senoritas (3 were VERY attractive). What's his secret? Is there a school I can attend to learn? Who do I pay? I'm prepared to sign up RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

Back at the hotel - the reception guy asked me to fill out some paperwork. "Didn't I do this already?" I thought. I then noticed a very Asian-sounding name that wasn't mine. Us Asians all look the same, right?

Back in the room - we noticed that Mary's swollen ankle was getting VERY big. It started to resemble a "cankle". Not good! Bugs must like the taste of dirty girls - it's not the first time that bugs have feasted on her!

Mary's stomach was giving her problems. After a lengthy battle in the bathroom she emerged victorious, but worse for wear. Exhausted, she was only able to utter "I advise you NOT to go in there!" as she pointed back to the bathroom with a trembling hand, just moments before collapsing on the bed in a heap of fatigued human flesh. It was like something out of "Gladiator",
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Mary-ism #7: In a case of Mary seeing what she wanted to see, she laughed because she thought this was the "Parc de la ERECTa". There was a restaurant there and she told me that she would have loved trying the sausage there. Mary!!!
almost like when Maximus collapsed after defeating Commodus in Rome's Coliseum. I shed a tear ...


Additional photos below
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Mary Moment #12: What would her mother think of this ... going into a sex shop in broad daylight! Have I taught you nothing Mary? You're supposed to frequent these establishments only after dark while wearing a hoodie, and you need to park your car at LEAST a block away! And for those of you that know Tai - remember his incident at the adult-video store? Classic ...
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So that's why the Spanish hotties stayed away - we had a sign outside our room saying "Don't molest us".
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Munching on a salad just outside the bus station. It was a meal and a show - from this stoop we watched the catfight unfold.
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I was probably booking accommodations for our next few stops. Or I might have been surfing for porn. It's a 50/50 proposition with me.
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A map of the region. I think Mary snapped the photo because she thought the cartoon of the Spaniard was hot.
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In Valencia at the "Ciudad de las Artes y Sciencias" - the City of Arts and Sciences. Mary with her horchata (aka - cup of mud).
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Mary, next to one of the "magic water" pools.
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I think this was the science museum.
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Looks like something out of Star Trek. Notice the flowers? Many people take wedding photos here.
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Innovative lighting feature or futuristic toilet? You decide!
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This was only a small portion of the large aquarium complex.
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Looking like a giant bug, this contains a theatre or auditorium of some sort.
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I stepped in front of Mary's camera just as she took a picture of the parking garage's rooftop garden. I was trying to lend a stalker-like quality to the picture - I did pretty good, didn't I?
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I tried pushing the envelope with the next shot. Even more of a stalker feel to it!
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My best Mary impersonation - drinking sangria by the pitcher. Our first sangria of the trip - yummy. This was accompanied by some crappy bread, olives, and a mixed salad.
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Carrots, jicama, assorted greens, red peppers and onion, tomatoes, cabbage, and endive. The dressing was too plain - it may have just been oil. A nice light salad, but lacking in flavour. Luckily the freshness and quality of the ingredients still made it decent. My only other complaint was that the red peppers were sliced too thinly, wrecking their texture.
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Paella with chicken, chicken liver, green beans, snow peas, and lima-like beans. I actually ordered the wrong paella and ended up with this one. We originally didn't want this version because we thought it contained rabbit (Mary objected to that), but luckily it was only chicken. It was decent, but lacking some saffron. I've had better in Calgary, but who knows how authentic the Calgary stuff is. Valencia is the birthplace of paella, after all!
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Some cool architecture in Valencia - there seems to almost be an Italian influence in this city.
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I've been practicing my stalker eyes - can you tell?


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