My girlfriend and I love travelling. We both went to India after 9 months of dating and I really enjoyed having her company and I know she enjoyed the trip too. However, now she wants to go alone..
My girlfriend graduates university this year and I don't finish until a year after that. We have been together for almost 4 years now and are both very into travelling. We are quite serious and have discussed marriage and everything. However, she recently announced that she wants to go travelling alone for one or even two years.
I could understand if it was for a few weeks or even a couple of months, but the fact that she wants to go for up to 2 years without me worries me.
I have asked why she doesn't want me there and even suggested she put it back a year so that I could join her - even if we did go separate ways a couple of times to see different places. But she doesn't want this and wants to go as soon as possible.
Am i being unreasonable in feeling like she is deserting me? What do you suggest I do?
If she goes, how do we keep things normal? - I know that travelling can change a person.
Thanks.
Reply to this Welcome to Travelblog. You start with a tough question. Travel always changes a person, expanding their horizons. Whether this includes finding someone else along the way is a real possibility. We hope that is not the case for your sake. So you are not being unreasonable to be concerned. But you should in no case become possesive or controlling or otherwise exhibit paranoid behavior...this would just drive her away. Try to understand that she may need some space, and that it is her choice how to keep you in her life. We hope that she agrees to Skype you and otherwise stay in contact with you on a regular basis. Meanwhile, do well in your last year of uni.
Reply to this Hi Dominic, just thought I'd give my own personal experience of travelling apart. I was with my boyfriend for over 5 years when I left to teach abroad last year. Like you we are serious about each other and were talking of buying a house etc before realising that weren't ready to settle down yet. I left for Spain and Korea, and he moved to Canada six months later. We keep our relationship going with skype, sending letters, whatever we can. Both of us are allowed to see other people, but our relationship comes first. It is tough being apart and there is always that worry that he'll meet someone else, but we realised that this was something we needed to do as individuals, and that if we didn't follow our dreams then we'd end up being unhappy and resenting each other. Luckily I've just been able to visit him for two weeks after 11months apart, but we won't be together again for another year.
Echoing Bob and Linda's advice, all you can do is try not to be paranoid and be as supportive as possible. This is something she clearly needs to do and you can't afford to block her road. Trust that your relationship is strong and agree to maintain regular contact. It's surprising how quickly you'll fall into new routines. And focus on yourself this year and things that you want to do for yourself. You never know what the future holds, you may be able to see each other again sooner than you think.
Reply to this Travelling solo is a completely different experience than traveling with a partner. There are pros and cons to each. If she is set on wanting to travel solo, now is a great time to do so since you're busy at the university anyway. It gets increasingly difficult to do independent travel the more settled you become as a couple and the worst thing in any relationship is to build up resentment by holding each other back.
While it's perfectly understandable to feel left behind, lamenting this fact won't make it any easier. Try to be supportive and focus on the times you CAN meet up and chat with each other. Travel changes people, but time does too.
Reply to this It is a hard question. Did she give you a reason why she doesn't want to travel with you? For my point of view, maybe she knows that you're busy on your studies. Traveling alone is thrilling and less worries. Maybe she is thinking of your situation or she just want to travel alone and enjoy being independent.
Reply to this hiya, similar to Bob and Orca i'd say let her go, and see how it goes. My work offerred me travel overseas when i was first 23 and i was living with my bf in a house we owned, and off i went. I was possibly being selfish but it was something i wanted and needed, so i was going. At 26 they offerred me 2 years in the US so i said to my bf (same person), i am going to the US, and i would love for you to come, but its up to you. He came, we got married, and now we live back in Aus happily ever after. He still travels every few weeks for work and we travel together at least every quarter but travelling is in our blood and we love it. It doesnt have to be together and we've done quite a few trips seperate, probably at longest maybe 5 months apart, before really missing each other and getting to that point where you just want to go home.
Good luck and i think you need to let her go without too much fuss. Let her know you are waiting patiently for her and maybe see if you can organise a few catch ups every few months
tam
Reply to this Good luck my friend. This is a tricky subject. Marriage is the real deal and maybe she needs to find herself. I have been with my wife for 17 years now. You have up and downs. This is a great test for you both pre marriage. If you get pass this, the two of you will have a happy life together. Cheers
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By James R...
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[Edited: 2013 Feb 05 22:23 - Jo Trouble:16935 - url removed.]
Reply to this I can understand your situation...but i also know first hand the one single worst thing you can do to someone is try and clip their wings..no one will be happy, she will resent you for holding her back, you will eventually reap the bitter seeds of that resentment. Tams story shows it can work, mine shows what happens if one partner thinks they can forbid the other from chasing their dreams.
Reply to this This is definitely a difficult question considering she wants to leave for such a long time (1-2 years). However, it seems like you two have been together for a very long time and could manage to stay strong. But this is maybe another reason as to why she feels that traveling solo will be good for her - she may want to experience new things and see what it feels like to be on her own without always having you there as a companion. Don't worry about her deserting you. She wants to know what it feels like to be by herself, and after university is a critical period to understand this.
I would suggest that you let her go and not to worry, although that sounds near impossible now. Thanks to latest technology, you can communicate over Skype or another video chat program. Traveling can change a person but also for the better. Keep in mind that distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you are truly meant to be together and decide to take the next step into marriage, it will happen. But let her experience this before you guys take that plunge. You will also have your own thing going on while she is gone.
Best,
Sasha Nakoryakov
[Edited: 2013 Feb 24 02:16 - Wanderled:257927 ]
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