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Dating someone who is not into travelling?

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Anyone dating or married to someone who does not share the same passion for travel as you do? How do you deal with it, and does it work? Do you still travel alone?
8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 1 Msg: #149993  
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I have backpacked Europe solo for three months while dating him. He does not have the same passion for travel as I do and just wondering if it can work or should I move on and find someone with the same passion.

I want honesty. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 2 Msg: #149997  
I think my hubby doesnt have the same addiction i have. He is sometimes keen so i normally find something that he would want as an incentive. And that is sport... so to get him to Hong Kong we went during the Rugby 7's...went to 2 games otherwise had 2 weeks of tourist stuff around that. To go to the Carribean same thing, found Australia playing a cricket game, bought tickets for 3 days of it and the other 3 weeks we went to that island and others. I'm planning the same thing for India and/or sri lanka 😊

He also seems to be more comfortable returning to places he's been to before where i want to always go somewhere new...so I negotiate. We will go to somewhere we've been before that he wants to and on the same trip i throw in somewhere new.

We have done seperate trips though... I believe i have said 'im moving to the US and i would love you to come but its up to you'....and he came. And also, 'i'm keen to go to the greek islands and sail around', he said 'im not', so i found someone else and went with them for a few weeks 😊

But...it can be done! 😊 Reply to this

8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 3 Msg: #150002  
B Posts: 24
I have been with my boyfriend for three an a half years and for the last five months have left England and him to travel alone. We are still together and every now and then he comes out to visit - he has joined my for three weeks in Malaysia. Long periods of travel are just not for him and I have learnt to accept that. Travel is my dream. Of course I would love him to share it but at the same time the distance makes us stonger as we learn to appreciate what we have.

To be honest, when I made the decision to leave to travel for a year I knew it would be alone but breaking up did not even cross my mind because I still want to be with him regardless of the distance. Only you know if you want to break up with someone or find someone new who appreciates travel as much as you do and unfortunately you won't find the answers here.

Your relationship will work if you make it work, the same rules apply when you are in the same country. The fact that you have asked this question after being with him for so long might be telling....

Anywho, there is no harm in trying the long distance relationship to see if it works and if it does = great, if it does not then you weren't right for eachother in the first place. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 4 Msg: #150005  
I was thinking about posting a similar question. My husband I are have been together for four years but recently married in September. I have been trying to convince him to leave and travel for long periods of time since the day we met and I have yet to convince him to do so. He is completely content with the short vacations and getaways that we take together.

I have pestered him time after time to the point that it has caused arguements between us. He decided he would do it shortly after we were married but has since changed his mind. He always tells me to just go, but it is becoming increasingly hard for me consider going away for such long periods of time without him.

I feel selfish for wanting to leave without him. I cannot imagine going away and not having him to share the experience with. However, I feel like if I do not do it soon I may go crazy from years of making up possible longterm travel itineraries. So I am starting to plan a solo trip.

*****It has been hard having a partner who does not share the same enthusiasm for travel that I have, but I have to come to realize that it is just as important to have a partner who encourages you and is willing to standby why you accomplish your goals. With this being said, I don't think it is necessary to be with someone who has the same exact dreams, goals and aspirations that you do. While my husband and I have different dreams, we still love each other and encourage one another in what we want to do. If you truly love your boyfriend and he loves you, then he will support you in what you want to do.
[Edited: 2012 Jan 08 16:21 - and all the world came tumbling in:220391 ]
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8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 5 Msg: #150009  
Thanks a lot for all the replies. This is something I really need to think about. I just wanted to see if there were people out there who do deal with it and succeed.

We have been drifting a bit and to me it is because of separate interest for out future and what we want out of like, not just the travel issue.

when I went backpacking in Europe, we were having issue and almost broke up and that is when I decided to do the trip. I moved away and went and worked for my dad to save money for the trip. I was away from my boyfriend for over a year and it did help out relationship and he waited for me. But when I was in Europe I really wanted him to be there with me to share those amazing moments. When I see so many couples on this site who have the same passion and do RTW trips together it makes me want it more.

I did and solo trip thing and I like that I did it but I really want a partner next time I travel.
I have a lot of thinking to do.

Thanks

Reply to this

8 years ago, January 8th 2012 No: 6 Msg: #150011  
An interesting question but not an easy answer.
I think the best time to ask this question is when you are not in a relationship.

Years ago I decided that I really enjoyed scuba diving and it was important to me to have a relationship with someone who shared that interest. Once I made that decision I made a choice not to date anyone who didn't share that interest because I liked to go diving on vacations. I didn't want to spend my vacation time alone.

When I met my husband he was not a diver but had always wanted to learn how. He got certified before we got married.

I would not advise you to break up with someone you love because they don't share your love of travel if you can handle traveling alone....and.....and this is the tough one... can they handle you traveling alone. Remember once you get married the money more than likely merges and the partner may not want to spend time away but also may not like you spending money on an interest they do not share.

Life is full of tough choices.

Your original post left me feeling that the relationship might be suffering some other issues and in your follow up post it sounds like that is.

I'm now middle aged and I will tell you one of the valuable lessons I have learned --- for myself--- not to settle--- don't give up on your dreams ----- life is very, very short....... and I believe life is meant to be shared.


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8 years ago, January 9th 2012 No: 7 Msg: #150016  
I'd like to echo Merry Jo's words...

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for the last 6. We're only 32, and this year we'll be celebrating the fact that we've been together for half our lives...

Thankfully we have the same passion for travel, always have, probably always will, maybe it's because as we've grown, we've grown together and not apart that we share the same outlook on life, passions and interests. We do have our own interests apart from each other but nothing that would separate us for any great period of time. We have had some distance in our relationship, we went to different universities so were commuting to see each other for 4 years, and this only made us stronger as a couple, so maybe it could work...

Maybe I'm lucky and I would never suggest ending a relationship as it isn't the same as mine, different things work for different people but frankly I couldn't even imagine being with anyone who didn't share the same passions as me at this stage in life. We have done incredible things together, stood hand in hand while experiencing what this world has to offer and as we grow older we reflect on them together. If I'd done this alone that would be lost, and I'd be left remembering and dreaming alone.

Mike Reply to this

8 years ago, January 9th 2012 No: 8 Msg: #150018  
Hi would tend to share the opinion of MJ and Mike.

As a disclamer, I have to admit i'm a complete addict to travelling, so therefore completely biais.

There is a very important point that hasn't been mentioned...travelling is a "nice disease" you can ge it upfront, or you could start to get it lsowly later in life...

My point is that it's not because he doesn't like travelling extensively now that it would be the same tomorrow. In that respect, people do change.

Travelling is like life, there are a lot of faces to it. Some love to plan, other don't...some prefer to lead, other prefer to follow. All of those may love to travel, but some may not want to travel because they are scared of having to lead or be lead.

So it's all a question of mesure....if he is sure he will never travel, and you absolutley wants to travel, you have an issue...not easy to start a family when you both disagree on your way of life.

But it could as well be a question of time, that one of you is simply not ready, than is a question of patience....and than, life will tell if you have both the same patience and love to each other.

I have to admit, I'm seriously lucky to live with Mari who loves to travel. But in our travelling, we both bring completely different pasts, and we both have different personnalities when it comes to travel. To have a great couple, you don't need to be both the same...and that's great! Reply to this

8 years ago, January 10th 2012 No: 9 Msg: #150125  
I think Tam's idea of compromising is great.

Fortunately, Linda enjoyed following me on our travels. However, after 34 years of doing so, she decided to limit how much she would travel. So since 2004, most of my trips have been with my kids who were either in high school or college.

She is interested in some of my future trips, but that interest comes with a price. She wants to fly business class, stay in four star hotels, or on cruises with a balcony, etc. and I like to stretch my travel dollar.

I'm concerned that I may not be able to travel to Asia again since she doesn't want to go there anymore, and traveling alone as an older white male in those countries puts me into a stereotype that I do not wish to be associated with. But, I will go alone, if I can't find and appropriate travel companion, and she will stay home on some trips. But this is no reason to break up.

So, as for advice in your circumstances, you could try compromising like Tam, or have him visit for short trips during your long trips like Jessica, or go it alone like "tumbling." But if there are questions about your relationship that go beyond just this issue of travel, you need to be honest with yourself. As Merry Jo states, "Life is full of tough choices," and I would add, its better to address them sooner than later. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 15th 2012 No: 10 Msg: #150350  
My husband doesn't have as much as a passion for travelling as I do but he will go on short trips (2 to 3 weekers).

As a compromise he looks after the kids for me while I go travelling. We have my first trip this coming March (3.5 weeks in the UK.)

For us its not just that he doesn't want to travel as much as I do, its also about costs. I am a stay at home mum so we only have the 1 wage so its cheaper to send me off to "do my own thing" as he calls it and we are both happy. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 15th 2012 No: 11 Msg: #150362  
Sounds like a great arrangement! We look forward to you blogging your UK trip as you haven't been active lately. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 15th 2012 No: 12 Msg: #150368  
B Posts: 24
I just wanted to add that it isn't easy travelling apart. Skype and email makes things easier but it is still hard. On the short trips he takes out to see me I find it hard to grapple with being alone again and always have to develop my confidence in continuing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you can make your relationship work if you want to and if he wants to. It doesn't take too much effort to travel Asia and find internet cafes - although I have a little netbook which I travel with which makes private conversations easier as there is wifi pretty much everywhere so I can sit in nearly any cafe or any hotel room or dorm room and talk to him through facebook or skype or email. Maybe a handy thing to take with you? So many travellers do.

It was also mentioned above by someone about whether he can let you go - something my boyfriend couldn't do for the first two years of our relationship as he felt threatened by the possibilities. I had internal debates as to whether I could continue the relationship as I had a desperate need to see the world. On the third year I broached the subject with him and he was whole heartedly supportive. Even now when I have weak moment and peruse skyscanner for cheap flights home he is the one convincing me to continue.

What I am trying to say in a long whinded way is this; if you love eachother and you have a good relationship and he supports you and you trust eachother then there is no reason why you can't travel and stay together. It will be hard work but well worth it. Yes it's much more fun having him there with you BUT there is value in travelling alone, you see a lot more.
And when you are feeling homesick and low, you have a friendly face to talk to on skype to keep you going through those weaker moments.

But as I said before, only you can make the decision to stay together or break up. These decisions are always difficult and we can't rely upon others to make up our minds for us even though we are desperate.

Good luck x Reply to this

8 years ago, January 15th 2012 No: 13 Msg: #150420  

In response to: Msg #150362
Thank you Bob and Linda. I have only been a member her for a month but I have been blogging about a past trip (from 2008/09) mostly to keep my photos and memories in one place. Reply to this

8 years ago, January 17th 2012 No: 14 Msg: #150490  
I am coming in on this a little late. Everyone has great responses. Personally, I think the most important thing to think about is what kind of traveler you are and whether or not you are going to want him with you. How often do you travel and for how long?

I prefer to travel alone for short periods of time, usually to concentrate on my work. However as a vacationer, I have chosen to date someone with not only the same flexibility in schedule and the freedom to leave, but also (and almost more so) has a wild need for adventure. You may however, embrace your time apart and hold close the experiences that are yours and only yours.

Relationships are built off of things shared; experiences, memories, etc. While I am certainly not telling you to end your relationship, its hard for me (who has built my life and career around traveling) to see what makes the relationship. Traveling is about our obsessions, curiousities. Does he not have any of these he would like to pursue?

A complete opposite perspective of your situation is that I dated a coast guard once who was gone ALL THE TIME. (I saw him three times in 8 months for a day at a time.) While I travel just as much, we never saw each other. That's no way to love..in longing? Ultimately it ended, because I decided I didn't want to put myself through that stress. There needs to be some sort of balance. Perhaps figure out how you would maintain that balance.

The realization of whether or not it is worth it will come as you sort it out.

Reply to this

8 years ago, June 17th 2012 No: 15 Msg: #157711  

He does not have the same passion for travel as I do and just wondering if it can work or should I move on and find someone with the same passion.


My boyfriend of 12 years, and father of my child is not as into travelling as I am. In fact, most of the relatively small amount of it has done has been with me.

I think, these relationships can work. In fact, I think opposites attract because there is more chemistry between them. There is also more conflict though, especially during times of stress. Id say, how successful one of these opposites attract relationships is depends on how well you can learn to communicate what you want, negoticate to get it, learn to share time money childcare...

Anyway, how is your relationship going, Lorianne? You posted this months ago, so you likely decided what to do by now.

When I see so many couples on this site who have the same passion and do RTW trips together it makes me want it more.


It is also nice when there is somebody at home, who is interested in getting your emails from far flung places, and who takes care of your banking, child, pet, plants... They dont have to always be with you, to be connected to you and your travels. What is important in my opinion for a relationship is that you live and let live, rather than be interested in the same things and do the the same things.



I just wanted to see if there were people out there who do deal with it and succeed.


Here is my boyfriend on one of the occasional trips he takes with me, taking a healthy interest in the travel bible. 😉 This photo was taken in Delhi, India, a few years ago. There are a few more examples of us in exotic places together in my blogs, for anyone who is curious. 😊
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8 years ago, June 17th 2012 No: 16 Msg: #157717  

In response to: Msg #149993

Hi Lorriann I'm similar to Mel and wondering if you made a decision?
One of your comments lead me to believe that you might be breaking up but not because of the traveling issue....it sounded like their might be other difference that have caused distance.

Hope we see you on the road.
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8 years ago, June 20th 2012 No: 17 Msg: #157867  
B Posts: 897
I feel like a broken record on this subject. To be totally honest, I am probably the selfish person I am often accused of being. I get dumped before every trip to come home to find my partner who I met while travelling a mess even if ive only been gone a week..of course..forgetting he dumped me when I said..oh by the way, im going diving in Sulawesi next week.

Theres a flip side to this. He doesnt earn nor can he afford time of work to travel - so thinks I should give up doing what I was doing when I met him and have always done for the biggest part of my life.

I have been told repeatedly every time the subject comes up that when I leave to do 6 months in Africa, South America and Bhutan on the way home he will not be here when I get back.

What do we do? Who's life are we living? Are we supposed to live the life someone else wants us to - is that selfish? - or are we to live our own dreams and lay down our own footsteps because that is selfish too apparently.

Im prepared to have this relationship end once and for all if it does when I do a 6 month trip. If it doesnt, and I am not being emotionally blackmailed the entire time, then so be it. If it does, then he didnt understand me enough to know I travel because I have a massive curiousity for life not because im out there trying to meet Johnny Depp..im 46 years old for crying out loud!

You do what you need to do. And dont feel guilty about it. If he isnt there when you come home, he wouldnt have been there one day when you came home from the post office. I sound like Sting....if you love somebody set them free LOL Reply to this

8 years ago, June 20th 2012 No: 18 Msg: #157870  

I get dumped before every trip...


Seems like your guy is the perfect partner for a traveller, because of this. It leaves you free to enjoy a holiday romance on every trip. 😉 Reply to this

8 years ago, June 20th 2012 No: 19 Msg: #157876  
B Posts: 897
LOL Mel I never thought of it like that! Bonus! After all, I am Miss West Ambon even if I am 46 😉 Reply to this

6 years ago, September 27th 2013 No: 20 Msg: #175586  

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