Travelling without my boyfriend

Help!! i'm going away for 3 and a half months in 8 weeks and it's getting weird with my boyfriend, knowing that it's not that long away!

we've been together for a year, and i was starting to organise my travels when we got together. if i'd have realised from the beginning i was gonna fall inlove with him then i might not have organised it for so long and maybe split it up into less than 3 months, but its arranged now and i need to find a way for us to be ok!
i want us to stay together while i'm away, but he on the other hand doesn't think we should, he really doesn't want me to go and it's really straining the relationship, he thinks travelling is a stupid idea and a waste of money, but i've always wanted to do it! i'm set on going, it's booked and i can't wait, but at the same time when i think of aaron i'm scared it really will ruin us, and of breaking his heart or something!
he thinks i'm going to come back a completely different person and not want to be with him when i get back, he doesn't want to be held back from anything while i'm away and then, if he does hold on, find out it was a waste of time because i don't want to be with him anymore!!

i want it to work and see a future with him but he doesn't, not with me going away, cause if i wasn't going then we'd be moving in together and the relationship would be moving on to new and exciting things, but i am and it just seems to be plodding along, waiting for me to go and to see if we'll be together at the end of it or not!

so what do we do, stay together, break up, calm it down so he can't be held back and see what we both think when i get back?
what and how do i do?

I'm sure so many other people have been in the same situation, please help mine!! Reply to this

Hi Elisabeth

I agree with everything D&MJ have said - if you dont go because you are worried about breaking his heart...what about yours? You will resent him for stopping you - are you ready to enter into a long term relationship with someone who seems to think what you dearly want to do is stupid and a waste of money? Think it through carefully - perhaps it may be a sign of things to come. If you dont go, and move in and play happy families with the seed of resentment at the back of your mind, is Aaron going to stop you from going out on a girls night out? stop you going to a concert?

It seems your values are different - people dont have the right to control other people. Its not like you have suddenly sprung this on him, he knew when you met.

I met my partner travelling. He is (or was lol) a typical travel agency booked stay at a resort around the pool type person with very little travelling (two ten day trips in 50 years!) until we bumped into each other on a beach in thailand. In the 18months since then he has been dragged through 9 countries "my way" that is, travel by the seat of your pants. He does not share the same insatiable need for travel but he understands my need to do so. He has even said "Will you please go on a trip somewhere you are going insane and driving me nuts" because I NEED to travel.

Ferrari's make some people happy. A leather sofa makes some people happy. To me, buying a leather sofa would be a stupid waste of money compared to zipping off to the south pacific. Id rather sit on a milk crate and have great memories. Everyone is different, if he doesnt respect your desire to do something to make you happy, he cant expect you to do something you dont want to do to keep him happy (stay at home).

Relationships are a two way street. Have fun on your trip. If he is still there when you get home, great, if not, he wasnt the right person for you. Dont feel guilty, we get one shot at life and a life lived under another persons directions is only cheating yourself. Reply to this

I totally agree with D&MJ also. It does sound like you have fundamentally differently values if he thinks travel is a waste of money and you're very keen on it. This is a big thing. Also you meet so many people when you travel why would you want to miss a potentially wonderful opportunity when you may find you get home and things don't work out anyway? If this travel is already causing problems and you haven't even left yet, it's likely to be even worse while you're away. My friend travelled without her boyfriend and hated the whole experience because he was on her mind too much. And they ended up splitting anyway. Do what's best for you in the long run. Whatever way you choose to go be sure that you're making the decision for the right and I must say realistic reasons. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Reply to this