College freshman, no idea what to do with life, parents haven't been out of country
I come from a large family (8 siblings, I'm the 6th oldest). My dad is very financially conscious and wants me to get a degree in whatever will get me the most amount of money when I graduate. I have no clue what I want to make of my life and feel like opportunities are slipping through my fingers.
I had a Europe trip planned last summer but gave it up to go on a vacation with my girlfriend of 2.5 years (who then broke up with me 2 weeks into college...). I'm starting to feel like all my ties are cut with my past and like I'm finally have a chance to live only for myself. There is a need to go on a personal journey, one of soul-searching and self-definition, very much like Chris McCandless (pardon the reference, but it's absolutely true).
However, my father's voice in me tells me there is just no way I can pull it off. For example: "I'm going to college, shouldn't I be working my ass off in the summer to pay for it? How could I be so careless and lazy as to think that I could go on some trip instead of making money? I don't even know another language, etc."
Then again, I battle those concerns with: "I could go in the summer, get a job paid under the table. I could connect with a church abroad and ask for support or a place to stay. I could make friends with people abroad and stay with them. I could use the money my grandma left me in her will, it wouldn't even be that expensive if I was smart."
Making things more complicated, my parents have only first been out of the country this past year and do not understand these desires.
Like all college freshman, I feel like my life is totally aimless. I'm sure some of my perception is romanticized, but I feel like every step I take is stapling me in place - inevitably securing me in some "9 to 5" job that I don't want. Live a life of wealth and occasional travel but monotony, or a life of loving what I do but always being under the pressure of poverty?
Everyone goes through this to an extent, but that doesn't change the feelings. The timing of events in the last 2 months makes me hinge on the point of doing something drastic. I want to do things with a clear mind, but that doesn't mean they can't seem "impulsive" in the eyes of others.
Reply to this Hey Chris, I am a guy thats slightly ahead of you but passed thru the same road of which you are at the beginning. Firstly congrats for recognizing " I have no clue what I want to make of my life " . Trust me most people {myself too} don't realize this until when they are stuck like I am now, opting to "get a degree in whatever will get me the most amount of money " but then in the middle of it you realize that without passion for actually doing it you may not last..
Now I don't know if your dad expects you to support the whole family financially or be financially sound in your own life.I will assume its the latter and tell you my opinion based on experience..
Degree is important. But don't think about which will get you most money. Since you stated you don't have much passion for studying and your passion is in Living, try to get a degree that is simpler to achieve. Like a degree in commerce or journalism or something where u don't have to live with calculus. In my opinion calculus is one thing that you can't tolerate even for short span of 3-4 years when you are not passionate.Others you probably can..
Now , once you have a bachelors in your hand , avenues open up for you to make a decision that will give you an opportunity to live the life the way you want it. You can try something and if it doesn't work you can always try something else , secure in your mind that you have a bachelor's in the bank..Money will come. Its all about feeling secure.
Can you tell me which country you are from and where do you live ??
Reply to this I live in the Midwest of the US. My dad only expects me to support myself my own family eventually. I was top of my class in high school and I think I spent too much time getting A's for the sake of getting A's and not ever considering if I actually
enjoyed what I was doing. Now in college, everything is a choice (it was before too, but it didn't feel that way), and my grades so far are suffering from it. It's really hard to find motivation, and the breakup took a lot out of me.
Anyway, I see that my initial post was a tad impulsive. I want to find out what I really like doing, and it seems like even mentioning a slight interest in engineering (which I have) pretty much locks you down for 4 years. Perhaps breaking away and going abroad would teach me things about myself (tendencies, interests, etc.) that would help me with my "crisis." I am bipolar with with my interests, in a way. At times I am
science, science, science and then the next day I am all about
expression. I feel a passion for expression (music and movies, mostly), but when I am interested in science it feels more practical (easier to find a job and feel secure, etc.).
I just want to feel free to love life, meet people, be totally independent, and feel like I am doing something significant. Maybe I just can't do the work that is required of me, or I've learned to be helpless. Part of this is also probably me competing with me ex-girlfriend in a way. I feel like I have to do better than her, and going abroad would make me feel "accomplished." My vision is that going to Europe would kind of give me a chance to start over. I could meet lots of new people, learn a new language, and learn to fend for myself.
Reply to this Hello Chris 😊
Many of us here have had the same scene with our parents as you are having. I personally chose to cut loose and am glad I did. I dont think my life has turned out any worse than the lives of my more settled siblings have.
As for languages, I have been to many countries where I dont speak the language.
Then again, I battle those concerns with: "I could go in the summer, get a job paid under the table. I could connect with a church abroad and ask for support or a place to stay. I could make friends with people abroad and stay with them. I could use the money my grandma left me in her will, it wouldn't even be that expensive if I was smart."
Just live simply and save as much money as you can. Maybe use a little of your Grandmas money and put the rest by for when you are older, and get a part time job to earn more money. That is how most of us afford out travels. Might be an idea to not let your parents know how much you are saving. I made the mistake of doing that. Just save up and quietly make plans.
...or a life of loving what I do but always being under the pressure of poverty?
I am not rich, but I dont think I am poor because of my travels either. In fact, travelling in the third world has changed my perception about how much money I need to enjoy life. I probably need a lot less of it, than I would have thought I needed if I never travelled in the third world.
Mel
Reply to this Now in college, everything is a choice (it was before too, but it didn't feel that way), and my grades so far are suffering from it. It's really hard to find motivation, and the breakup took a lot out of me.
Sounds like you are going through a bit of a crisis. Maybe because you didnt get enough opportunities to have fun when you were younger, because of the pressure to achieve at school.
I think, balancing your studies and responsibilities with some fun may be what it takes to get your studies back on track. Consider what fun activities you can immediately put in your life. Making plans to travel is good, but is there anything you can start doing right away. Try more balance, rather than going from one extreme to another. As you said yourself, you first post was a tad inpulsive.
At times I am science, science, science and then the next day I am all about expression. I feel a passion for expression (music and movies, mostly), but when I am interested in science it feels more practical (easier to find a job and feel secure, etc.).
Everything does not have to be useful and academic. What about having music and movies for fun.
Maybe I just can't do the work that is required of me, or I've learned to be helpless.
I doubt that is true. For a start you are much much better with school stuff than I ever was. Maybe the thing is you are so good at that, that in comparison you feel you are not good at anything else, or dont feel comfortable with others seeing you do something you are not so good at.
I feel like I have to do better than her, ....
Take her out of the equation. For sure it is good to do things for others now and again, but you seem to be thinking about doing things more for her or to punish her, than you are doing them for yourself.
Reply to this I feel I need to make a story for myself, as if nothing I've done
matters. I've acknowledged that my ex-girlfriend is a component of my feelings - she is taking a French class and I can't help but imagine myself in Paris. Obviously it is not so simple as to consciously "take her out of the equation."
However, a very large part of this is for myself, and not for any sort of vengeance. Many of my reasons are very similar to those of other travelers. Perhaps I could take my second semester off, immerse myself in a foreign country with a job, and then take summer courses there through my university (UW-Madison, if anyone cares).
I feel that I started college out on the wrong foot and that going abroad would allow me to reassess my interests in a totally nonjudgmental environment (no parents, siblings, friends, etc.). I would want to come back with a new drive and more focus. I've picked up guitar in the last week, and I'm trying new things, but there is no motivation for my studies, except perhaps psychology.
Reply to this I think you will make your own story, and what your girlfriend is doing will become less and less important to you over time.
I feel that I started college out on the wrong foot and that going abroad would allow me to reassess my interests in a totally nonjudgmental environment (no parents, siblings, friends, etc.).
After highschool, I just took a year out to do any job in another country. It is the best move I ever made. It is what introduced me to travel. And most importantly, it did take me away from parents, siblings etc.... It gave me breathing space. It didnt instantly give me renewed drive and focus, but it is a big part of what made me who I am today. It determined my future, to a large extent.
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