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Published: September 30th 2017
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Our ship, the Carnival Valor. It should have been called the "Carnival Gouge Our Customers of Every Penny Before They Get Off".Geo: 26.9557, -79.8312
Had a crappy sleep, but at least we made it to Miami! But flying standby meant that our luggage never made it. Good thing we stuffed the carry-ons with lots of clothing. Tam got a little screwed - almost all of my clothing made it on the plane, but little of his did.
Put a claim into US Air for our lost luggage. Some old guy went ballistic in the luggage office. He threatened to break his cane over the head of a guy that didn't move out of his way! A lot of frustrations were boiling over ... we met a girl that was stuck in Denver for several days. She finally made it home (almost - she needed to get to Ft. Lauderdale) but without her luggage.
We'll only get $75 USD each as compensation, but they will send us our luggage in Belize. Luckily Tam booked the airfare with his Amex card. We're due $500 USD for the lost luggage. So we decided to take advantage of it - we took a taxi to a nearby mall to buy some clothing before boarding the ship.
I am in Heaven here in Miami. I never remembered so
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Dazed and confused - we finally made it, after leaving my house almost 24 hours before, and after having only a few hours of sleep. much Spanish being spoken here the last few times I passed through, though I suppose this Spanish and Latina preference/fetish/obsession/mental disorder/psychiatric problem is a fairly recent occurrence for me. Chiquitas crawling all over the airport! I think my next vacation will be to fly to the Miami airport, and just sit there drinking beer while watching the chiquitas walk by.
Though I must say that the Chiquita Density (a scientific term I recently coined) is still significantly lower here than it is in Spain. Of course, I did see what was possibly the perfect Chiquita standing in line at the airport - jet black hair, not too short, not too tall ... classic facial features ... not too skinny, not too curvy ... did I mention that I'm in Heaven here??? I think Tam is starting to see what I saw in Spain - the indescribable reserved beauty of Spanish and Latina women.
Grabbed lunch at the mall. Practiced my Spanish and ordered my food in Spanish. BBQ chicken, roasted pepper, salad. A Chinese girl working there was speaking Spanish ... it was hot!
Saw some more hot chiquitas at the mall. It's funny - some of them are completely
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We had to don our life vests for the practice evacuation that is mandatory on all cruise ships. Wanting to impress the ladies on board, we tried to spiff up our appearances a little bit.
This is Tam dressing up like his idol, Avril Lavigne. But when he started to sing "Skater Boi", I had no choice but to kick his ass. disproportioned. It's like you took the top half of a very slim woman and placed it on the bottom half of a much larger one. Case in point - in the Neiman Marcus outlet store, we saw a very slim-looking worker standing behind a clothing rack. As we walked by and saw her lower half ... it was like we were in a "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie - cause there was a whole lotta booty! A Jennifer Lopez fan - definitely, I AM NOT!
We bought some dress shirts and went off to the ship. It was expensive getting to and from the airport (taxis), but it was still worth it to get some free clothing. We arrived at the cruise ship - there were separate boarding lines for those that filled out their personal info on the internet and one for those that didn't. Theoretically, those that did the work ahead of time would get on faster - but we procrastinated and never did that, and ended up boarding much sooner because our line was shorter.
Got to our cabin and did the lifeboat drill shortly after. Saw an old guy with a VERY young lady ... we
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Corduroy blazers and life vests were all the rage in Europe this summer - all the cool guys were dressed like that and had hot European women draped all over them.
So I decided to try it on the cruise and it was just like Europe all over again - the women stayed away in droves. Except for an Asian Avril Lavigne impersonator - he/she/it kept rubbing up on me and bragging about the size of his/hers/its "life preserver". thought it might be the father, but they seemed a little too "close", if you know what I mean. You know the rule for age differences while dating? ½ your age + 7, right? Well, this guy's formula was the cube root of his age! I don't feel so bad about last year in Toledo, anymore! It actually turned out that the guy was her father ... in that case, it's even creepier ...
Up to the Lido deck for some pizza. It was overcast and breezy, but warm. We saw two incredibly beautiful Latina sisters with their parents. Ay caramba! Calientes! Tall, with long brown hair ... one was the model-type (stunning) and the other was the cute, girl-next-door type (funny to say, because Tam and I agreed that we never had girls like that living next door when we were growing up!). Did I mention that I'm in Heaven???
I had a nap and a shower and then we went off to dinner. We were assigned to sit with a Chinese mother and daughter from Toronto - the daughter is an industrial engineer. Probably because there were too many engineers at the table, the dinner was pretty boring.
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Tam stuffing his face on board the ship. This was a theme for the week. The mother and daughter would probably agree - we really had nothing in common with them. Six more nights of this ... it would have been nice to sit at a larger table with more people (preferably with lots of single chiquitas!!!), simply to have some different people to talk to.
Dinner was mediocre - I started with a fruit dish and cured salmon. The lamb chops weren't too bad, though they were a bit overcooked. Had a glass of not-so-good shiraz with it. Dessert - bad crème brulee that was missing the glassy top layer of caramelized sugar (it's always the best part!!!). It also wasn't smooth and creamy like it should have been (kind of chunky, actually - like most of the people lined up and stuffing their faces at the buffets!).
I also had the warm melting chocolate cake - way too rich and would have been better with more ice cream to balance the richness. I need to be careful - if I keep doing double desserts every night I'll end up chunky like the buffet people!
We watched a lame show after dinner. There are no nightly midnight buffets on this ship - only the
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On the left, you can see the younger of the hottie latina sisters with her mom. The mummy was yummy, but the daughter was hotter. You like that rhyme? It took me an hour to come up with that.
Do you notice how I'm not directly looking at the sisters? It'd be like staring at the sun - their collective hottiness (yes, that's a new word that I just invented) would've blinded me.
Anyway, this also became a theme of the cruise - us creepily hanging around, trying to catch a glimpse. And do you notice the slight grin on my face? It wasn't because the pizza was good - it's because the tastiest dishes on board were at the next table .... burger station, pizzeria, and some fruit and desserts. But maybe that's not a bad thing. The ship is pretty dead at night - maybe because it's the first night on board and everyone is tired from traveling, and maybe because it's mostly families on this cruise.
Tam and I went to the singles meet and greet - not organized at all, so we really couldn't tell who was single or not. And since it's mostly families, there aren't many singles on board anyway. Had a beer (Pilsner Urquell, the famous but over-rated Czech beer!) and then off to bed.
Not a very memorable first night (except for the chiquitas!!!). First impressions of my first cruise in ages - kind of lame! Hopefully it will improve.
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