Spanish night after a morning with Mo in Andalucia

---

Day 5 and it's sales pitch day. Our free holiday comes at the price of listening to what CLC World has to offer. It started with a free breakfast which is a good start; both continental and English varieties were on offer so I had both. We had been picked up for our meeting by our main man Maurice. Now I have to be careful what I'm writing as Claire gave Maurice one of our cards with our blog and website addresses on.

Maurice, well what can I say about him and his line manager, Lorna.... Well, in all honesty, I liked them both. They have a product to sell which they believe in and it's something which would suit a lot of people. It's a long way past timeshare and the accommodation is superb and you can go to many countries and even move about a bit too. If you're the sort of person who likes sunbathing or even sightseeing if you don't want to go to out of the way places this really is for you.

And I think Maurice grasped early on that it wasn't for us. It took Lorna a bit longer but she eventually realised that the product just didn't suit how we do holidays: so they both wished us well and said goodbye. And that was it. It took over five hours including breakfast but it didn't feel overlong, especially when you consider the whole week is on them. And there wasn't really any hard sell. They didn't give us a job though!

I don't want to go too much into the crazy golf debacle but, basically, we couldn't find it despite having the postcode and even asking a few locals in the very near vicinity. So we went back to our apartment.

Having a bit of time to kill some idiot decides he's going to go for a swim and can't be bothered to walk as far as the heated pool. Bloody hell it was cold! I now have an inkling of what Viking bathing feels like but still managed to do a few lengths despite the water not feeling any warmer during or after.

And then we were off out again for a Spanish Night in a place that we made sure we would be able to find....not on the first passing though as it was up through a gateway and there were no signs pointing in the direction we were going...but we found it on the way back.

The night cost €55 each and was a well ordered programme starting with a horse show. Claire assures me that what the horses and riders were doing was incredibly difficult but, without commentary, some of it just looked like walking up and down. One guy came on and walked behind a horse for a bit holding reins and then did it again the next time he came out. It was then strange to see the horse follower actually up in the saddle for his next appearance. Weirdo!

One guy rode round being followed by four horses who were loose from him but tethered together. Lots of horses walked backwards and sideways and some leapt into the air. The control the humans had over the horses was incredible and the 75 minutes or so soon flew by.

Next up was a three course meal and someone trying to sell me a picture of myself for €10. Fortunately Claire was in it too so it was priceless despite my ugly mug devaluing it and making it almost worthless.

He photographed other people too, printed the pictures, framed them and then sold them in a funky gift bag. Lots of people bought them, of themselves I should add for the numpties, but we thought it was a complete rip off and will no doubt be setting up a rival company selling them for €20.

So, the meal, well it was okay. The chips were better than at Ricardo's recommended restaurant yesterday and the soup was pretty good. To finish the night we had a flamenco show. There were two guitarists, a 'singer' and then two dancers.

The dancers were great, very passionate and very good though I think the lack of maraccas was unforgivable. Claire okayed me shouting 'show us your maraccas' but I think she just wanted me to get punched.

There was one guy earlier who strutted in like he owned the place and I presumed he was in the band but it turns out he'd just turned up to watch. I mentioned that he had his head up his arse then elaborated saying he had his head so far up his own arse he could stick his tongue out of his own mouth.... Apparently we can all do that according to Claire...

Anyway, apart from the two dancers there was a 'wailer' but not as in the ones who hung out with Bob Marley. No this guy really did wail and everyone was greatful when the dancers stamped on the wooden stage so they drowned out his cacophony.

There were two guitarists who were probably quite talented but when you're playing the Spanish equivalent of jazz you're not going to win any music prizes. Jazz is the musical equivalent of getting lost in the Sahara and constantly going in the wrong direction whilst being shit on by seagulls. I'm sure you know what I mean.

They did well to support the dancers though and we both really enjoyed the show. We'd also got to visit all the horses in their stables after the show and, if the money, goes towards their care, then the night was worth it. I bet there aren't many places where you can get all that in the same night!

---