Why would you need to wear sunscreen in the disco?

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Geo: 16.4144, -86.362

After another mediocre breakfast, off to try and find a canopy tour. There's really nothing near the port - only a few vendor stalls. We ended up splitting a cab with a Toronto couple (Zahir, Tazmin - sp?). Both are electrical engineers. Zahir and Tazmin opted out of the canopy tour - they've been to Costa Rica and have done it before. They went to the iguana farm while waiting for us.

You get some pretty good speed going on the ziplines, and could hang upside down and do a few tricks. Overall, it was pretty fun but I don't think I'd do it again, unless it was in Costa Rica. It sounds like it's much better over there.

Hit the beach after - crappy weather. Cloudy, windy, and actually a little bit chilly. We picked up some cheap beer before going to the beach. Beer and bananas stolen from the breakfast buffet ... our lunch of choice while ashore on the cruise!

Got in a little bit of Spanish practice with Kenny, our taxi driver. Sounds like the people here are very hard-working. Back to the ship. Went to the "Secrets to a Flatter Stomach" seminar at the spa. What a scam and a sham!

The whole point was to scare you into buying their metabolism analysis services. Cruises are all about making a buck off of the passengers. A lot of people at the seminar were eating up the propaganda, like so much crappy buffet food that was available on board. It was like sitting in the audience of an info-mercial. People were sitting there nodding, and saying things like "You're SOOOO right!". I was waiting for Ron Popeil to come out and sell his rotisserie machine! Set it and forget it!

It was pretty hypocritical - the instructors were all talking about how bad people's eating habits were, and how they were slowly killing themselves. Hmmm ... you're on a cruise ship, where the biggest selling feature is complete gluttony, and you're basically scolding people for their unhealthy eating habits?

It reminded me of a conversation I had with Kyle, a bunkmate in London (see Europe 2006 blogs entitled "Parting is Such Chocolatey-Sweet Sorrow" and "Depression is Starting to Set in"😉. He's a personal trainer that previously worked on a cruise ship. He couldn't stand working on the ship because he basically had to sell his soul to pad the bottom line. Always selling services and products that customers didn't need, often using scare tactics.

Can't say that the instructors were all that bad ... Tam and I paid them $100 to tell the HLS that the secret of a flatter stomach was to wrestle nude in chocolate pudding, with Asian guys while on a Christmas Caribbean cruise. Sadly, they never approached us for our help, though they were told that they would die a horrible death unless they did this! Come on girls, think of your health!!!

Afterwards, took a nap, had the requisite rum and coke, and off to listen to some more classical music. I've been mixing our drinks pretty strong - ½ rum and ½ coke, so we were a little bit tipsy as we listened. It definitely made it more interesting! Once I put on my beer goggles, the already cute violinist was even cuter!

Off to Scarlett's (the on-board NY Steakhouse-style restaurant) for dinner tonight. It cost an extra $30 per person to dine there. Excellent presentation but the food was only decent. The escargot dish was unique and had four variations. The first - wrapped in rice paper; the second - surrounded by potato and then encrusted in panko; the third and fourth - forgotten due to the excessively strong rum and coke we had beforehand.

The bread was excellent - rosemary foccacia, pesto bread, and brioche. It was served with three butters - rosemary, garlic/herb, and truffle. The truffle was the best and as a result, I overloaded on bread. But at least it soaked up some of the rum floating around in my stomach.

A good fresh-made Caesar salad preceded the main course. Served with whole anchovies on the side. The main was a giant 24 ounce porterhouse. I could only finish 2/3 of it. Good, but not enough béarnaise sauce was served with it

Dessert - not your typical cheesecake (see pics). Like a pudding, served in a bowl, along with two slices of toasted sweet bread. I could barely eat a few mouthfuls because I was so stuffed. Guess I won't achieve that flat stomach that the spa instructors talked about. But at least if I get my metabolism analyzed, I won't die a horrible and painful death!

As we got up to leave, they brought us a few chocolate truffles to nibble on. So we nibbled, despite being a couple of overstuffed pigs. Hawaiians actually chased us after we left the restaurant, trying to slow roast us for a luau.

But it was alright - we needed some exercise after stuffing our faces. We missed the start of the show as a result (turns out it was one of the better ones, too) so we couldn't find a seat. Decided to have some more rum and coke instead.

Stalking Update #8: 11:06:22 PM - Encountered the younger of the two HLS in the disco with her parents. Funny - as soon as the parents stepped away to dance, pathetic vultures would circle and swoop in. She shot down at least four or five of them in a matter of minutes. The only thing more pathetic? Two creepy Asian dudes sitting in a corner, drinking their too-strong rum and cokes while wiping the drool off their faces.

I actually had a near-death experience that night - I didn't have any sunscreen on in the disco, and was almost instantly incinerated when I walked too close to the younger of the HLS. These girls are HOOOOOOOOOT! The HLS will hereafter be referred to as the SNG - Super Nova Girls!!!

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Photos

a
One of the local buses ... there's actually a town named "Coxen Hole" on the island. It doesn't take much to amuse us, does it? Is it any wonder why we're both single???

d
The Governor of Roatan Island lives here. He actually came out to say "hi" and we snapped a photo of him ...

dd
... it's "da guv-ah-nay-tor"

e
A couple of dorks, ready to go on a canopy tour.

f
Safety first! If your harness is wrapped in duct tape, it must be extra safe ... right??!!?
If you look closely at the front of Tam's shorts, you can see actually see a wet spot ....

j
There were several bridges in addition to the ziplines. This was the first of them.

o
This bridge was the toughest - once one person lost balance, they pulled down the top line and everyone else went with them.
It didn't help that the guide for the group right behind us kept jumping up and down on the bridge, trying to throw his own group off.

r
The "teamwork" bridge - each section of the bridge swung independently of the other. Before you stepped off the one you were on, you had to make sure that you passed it back to the person behind you.

s
Tam trying the upside-down monkey manoeuvre. He actually did it pretty well. I believe the inspiration for this move came from the Kama Sutra.

t
I also tried the upside-down monkey manoeuvre, but wasn't as successful as Tam. After getting upright again, I somehow got turned around just before I was about to slam into the platform.
It's difficult to see because it's a blurry photo ... but if you look closely, you can see a small bump and brown spot at the back of my shorts!

u
Stalking Update #7: 3:45:32 PM - Why does Tam have such a big smile on his face? Because he's standing next to the older of the HLS! Trust me - even though she looks like a wide, hunched-over old lady in this photo, she looks nothing like that in person.
The funny thing? Tam didn't even realize that he was standing next to her. When he wandered up to her, I figured that I'd better quickly snap a photo of it! It's the closest that we would ever get!

v
Taken moments before departing Roatan Island. I was deep in thought ... thinking about our next HLS stalking move!

w
The classical music duo that played every day before dinner. The violinist was actually pretty cute - but after hearing her play, she was even MORE attractive.
It's amazing how attractive incredible artistic talent can be - even more so than beautiful eyes, a radiant smile, or a pretty face. Reminiscent of the violin girl from Florence (see Europe 2006 blog entitled: "What? No grapes or scantily-clad Spanish women?").
We actually watched them play almost nightly. They were definitely good. The Chinese lady and daughter that we ate with also showed up almost every night. And it was just like dinner ... sitting across from them, with absolutely nothing to say!

x
Another towel animal. This time, NOT anatomically correct. Or maybe it was a female dinosaur?

y
Dinner at Scarlett's - this was the escargot dish. Nice presentation.

z
The waitress, making our Caesar salads.

za
Tam is obviously very excited about his Caesar salad! Nice presentation, and the giant croutons were very good - flavourful, crisp, and exploded into crumbs when you bit into them.

zb
A big, bloody steak - is there anything better in life? Though I tried valiantly, I couldn't finish it off. The mushrooms were very good, but the bernaise sauce was a little too thick. Tam's peppercorn sauce was better.

zd
I felt like a caveman, gnawing on a big, bloody, bone. It felt good ... too good ....

ze
Impressive! Tam managed to polish it all off. Mushrooms, a 24 oz porterhouse, veggies, bread, salad, appetizer, glass of wine .... he deserves some recognition - perhaps the "Golden Pepto Bismol" award!

zf
Tam seemed to feel pretty good after eating the huge meal. I on the other hand, felt like absolute crap and wanted to die. Here, I was preparing to have my stomach pumped.
At least Carnival gives you a pretty good deal - with every stomach pump, you get a 10% discount on Tanzanite rings and a free bottle of Jamaican rum. And for an extra $300, they'll encase the contents of your stomach in a plexi-glass box and engrave it with the words "Culinary Memories of Your Carnival Cruise".

zg
Very interesting interpretation of cheesecake. But my interpretation was better - I smeared some of what was pumped out of my stomach onto a canvas and called it "Iconoclastic Reflections of Western Excess".
Carnival helped me sell it to another cruiser for $3,500. Sweet! I am now officially a capitalist pig!

zh
Tam's dessert - I think it was supposed to be a chocolate tart. From L-R: Tiramisu, that melting chocolate cake that is EVERYWHERE on board (I suspect that it's laced with drugs that cause people to compulsively buy worthless trinkets), and some forgotten dessert on the end.
Not bad, but I really didn't enjoy it much after stuffing myself so badly.

zi
The nightclub - pretty dead most nights, probably because most of the guys would just kind of sit on the sidelines. A couple of dorky Asian guys on board were notorious for doing this - they managed to perfect the art of "Stool Dancing" (bouncing up and down on their chairs, doing their lame moves), but would never get on the floor and bust a move.