Princess Mary and the Human Vibrator

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I take a torch into the shower with me just in case, but today the lights stay on, and when I get out of the shower Issy is still asleep. This is yet another great example of Murphy's Law in action.

First cab off the rank this morning are the remains of the Arab Baths, which are right next to the hotel. They were built by the Moors in the eleventh century, and the remains are all underground. We watch a short information video and learn that the baths were used by the men for hygiene, and for ritual washing before prayers, and were also important as a social venue. The ruler, or caliph, had an entourage of men wash and shave him there every day. There were separate times set aside for women to use the baths, but only once or twice a month. I wonder what they did the rest of the time. I suspect they didn't have baths at home, so I hope they had lots of deodorant.

We move on to the nearby synagogue. We read that there are only three surviving medieval synagogues in the whole of Spain - this one in Cordoba and another two in Toledo. At one time Spain had one of largest Jewish populations in Europe, but most of the Jews were expelled from Spain along with all the Muslims at the end of the Reconquista in 1492, and they were only allowed to stay if they converted to Christianity. The Cordoba synagogue was built in 1314 and has only survived because it was later converted to a hospital. It's very small but impressive, with a number of original Jewish scriptures on the walls.

We go to join our tour of the Mezquita Cathedral; Mezquita is Spanish for mosque. We hadn't heard of this before planning the trip, but it's apparently one of the most famous buildings in Spain. Our guide tells us that there was originally a small Christian temple here, built by the Visigoths, and when the Moors invaded in the eighth century, they built a massive mosque on the site. When Cordoba was recaptured during the Reconquista, the mosque was then converted into a Catholic Church. A massive nave was then inserted into the structure in the 17th century. We go inside. We'd heard it was impressive but I'm not sure either of us were prepared for anything quite this massive and stunning. Most of the columns and white and reddish brown striped arches from the original mosque have been retained. Apparently there were originally over a thousand columns; some of these were removed when the nave was inserted, but more than 800 still remain. It's certainly the only church I've ever seen that has Muslim and Christian architecture all combined in the one structure. We spend a long while walking around inside after the tour finishes, trying to take it all in.

There seem to be an unusually large number of policemen walking around in the streets near the Cathedral, and they're all carrying machine guns. Issy says she wonders if the machine guns are real, or just for show to scare people. I'm not sure I'm all that keen to find out. We feel a lot less like we're going to get pick pocketed here than we did when we were in Barcelona. It was very crowded at most tourist haunts in Barcelona, and every second person seemed to be from an English speaking country. It's much less crowded here in Cordoba, and most of the tourists seem to be Spanish. There are also no African street vendors, in fact there are no street vendors at all. I'm not sure whether this is because they don't think there are enough gullible English speaking tourists here to make it worth their while, or because they've been scared off by the machine gun wielding policemen.

I've booked to climb the Mezquita Cathedral bell tower this afternoon, but Issy has decided to pass on this and rest up back at the hotel. The massive bell tower was built around the original mosque's minaret, and dominates Cordoba's skyline. Visits to the top are strictly controlled; only twenty people are allowed in at a time, and you can only stay up there for half an hour. We stop at the first level, and some officious hombres then quickly herd us up to the next level. This process is then repeated on two more levels. They are clearly very keen to make sure that no one stays up here a second more than the allocated half hour. I hurry. I hurry too much. I hit my head hard on the top of one of the small doorways in the bell tower. I'm sure I must have concussion. There's no sympathy from the officious hombres. I'm herded on. The views from all three levels are excellent; at least I think they're excellent. I'm seeing double. I decide that I should take lots of photos so that I can check later whether or not they really were excellent, or indeed whether I was really here at all. Lots of people are taking selfies which wastes a lot of the short time we have as well as taking up a lot of space. Selfie sticks weren't allowed inside the Arab Baths this morning. I think that selfie sticks should be banned everywhere.

It's again ridiculously hot so we both have a swim in the now very crowded hotel pool.

Our dinner choices seem a bit limited tonight, and we walk around for a long time without finding anything that looks attractive and that we haven't been to before. A lady in the street tries to convince us to go into a restaurant that has a flamenco show. We ask her what time the show starts. She doesn't speak any English so she leads us down some stairs into a basement so we can get some more information from someone who does speak our language. The manager tells us that the show is about to start and for an extra charge we can also get dinner. There are hardly any other people here and Issy is looking very sceptical. The tables are very small, and Issy tells the manager that she thinks they look too small to be able to accommodate a decent sized meal. He assures her that it will be alright. Issy then sees a bigger table and says that we should move there, although I'm not entirely sure why she thinks that we might get a bigger meal just by sitting at a bigger table. The manager says we need to pay up front. I think he thinks that we might do a runner if we don't like the show, or if there isn't enough food. I give him my credit card, but he says that his eftpos machine isn't working, so we need to pay cash. This is never a good sign. Issy is now looking more sceptical than ever, and I'm feeling a bit suspicious as well.

Our waiter is very animated and doesn't speak any English. Issy says that he reminds her of Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

The show starts with a guitarist dressed all in black, playing solo. He is soon joined by two male singers, also dressed all in black. A female dancer then comes out. We both agree that she looks exactly like Princess Mary of Denmark. She's wearing a long dress with lots of pleats, and dances spectacularly. It seems that Flamenco involves a lot of very loud clapping and even louder tap dancing. Princess Mary approaches her dancing with a lot of passion. She finishes her act, and is replaced by a man who looks like he's just come off the set of a Latino movie. He has long black curly hair and a three day growth, and is dressed in a black suit, with a white shirt, a very wide tie and white shoes. He's even more passionate than Princess Mary. His coat and tie soon disappear and his shirt then somehow becomes unbuttoned down to his waist. Issy's scepticism appears to have evaporated and she now appears to be enjoying his dancing just a little bit too much. It gets faster and faster. He's now shaking so much that he needs to hold his pants up to stop them from falling down. Issy says that he looks like a human vibrator. Princess Mary and the Human Vibrator then appear on stage together. She's now dressed all in white, and he's all in black except for a pair of bright red shoes. Their passion reaches new heights. They seem oblivious to the audience. This is a bit worrying. I hope they don't completely forget where they are and start doing what it looks like they want to be doing. The show finishes. Despite our scepticism it was actually very entertaining.

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Comments

[COG]

Princess Mary and the Human Vibrator hahaha