Driving those you leave behind nuts

My experience only extends to the first, but prior to the Internet days, one did need to call at regular intervals as there was no other way to stay in contact (mail from Europe to Australia could take more than a week - assuming it arrived at all).

Once the Internet was invented, contact can be via semi-regular emails - which is must easier and by being a one way discussion, is less likely to see one receiving the bunch of questions (where are you staying, how are you eating etc) which all have undertones of my much younger days. Yes, you can still be in contact, but you can moderate it to something more convenient and pleasant for you.

Nowadays I just say to look at Travelblog and since a viewer can see my last log-on date, then I must be doing fine. If there are long gaps between logging on, then either I cannot access the Internet, or there is something else happening.

Which leads me to the one exception and that is when I am in place where all communication access is very difficult (i.e. North Korea or rural Ethiopia) and where I am incommunicado for weeks.. At that time I'll call or email once I'm back in a more telecommunication friendly area to say I'm doing fine.

Not sure if this assists, but yes it can be frustrating - but you can come to a compromise for staying in contact that does not involve continual phone calls. Reply to this

I had another day of it this week. She messaged me on facebook that her phone had been stolen, she had been stung by a bee, and she was hungry. It was so hard not to book a flight. LOL Reply to this

Our daughter Jenny had her gap break in Canada (prior to the birth of travelblog). She was very good art loosing credit cards at that time so we got the inevitable phone call for help! It all got sorted and we had the lovely glow of still feeling useful!!!!! The most worrying was when Ali got denghi fever for the second time and ended up in hospital - we didn't know which one as he was too ill to let us know apart from a croaked phone call before he went in! We had to research the internet and make a lot of phone calls! I am terrified of flying but I was ready to jump on a plane! Matthew was out of contact on his trip for several days and I got a bit worried because he'd been a regular e- mailer - but I got the funniest feeling that he'd gone to live inside the computer - so I was more worried about my sanity than him!!!! My husband Robert worked at sea all over the world so I was used to him going off but we had very little communication then, so you put worrying thoughts out of your mind. Reply to this

I think, my travels have driven my mother nuts, mostly because she knows of ''better'' ways I should spend money, and because I took years out while at university to go live in other countries, before dropping out of my degree course completely. And, she doesnt think backpacking is ladylike, unlike the package holiday advertisements she clipped from newspapers and magazines, because she thought the comfort displayed in the photos of the hotel rooms, swimming pools, beauty salons etc would lure me away from the backpacker world.

It also drove my mother nuts, that I travelled with my ex, because he is Australian, and she says Australian men are macho, and that I will end up a pregnant hippy holding the baby, while he takes off to some other part of the world. Me and that guy didnt have any baby. She should have worried more about those unmacho European men, because it is one of those who I eventually had a baby with.

My boyfriend worries a bit, if I want to go to someplace that is heavily in the news, because of political instability. I put off my trip to Iran for a year, so he could get used to it. Most of the time he does not worry about, and does not hinder my travels. Sometimes, he even joins me.

Do you really think that's a good idea mum?

LOL I hope my daughter doesnt get like that. Makes one wonder what Ali and the rest of yours get up to on their travels, that they dont want you to do. 😉

Now I have seen guys almost get into accents and come close to slapping a few as we walked down the streets because they were looking at her so hard. So needless to say, I am a bit nervous.

Yeah, I am a bit worried about taking my daughter to India next Summer. She will be 11. I am hoping she will still look childish enough to not attract that kind of attention from Indian boys and men. It is pretty annoying if it happens to me, but if they do it to my daughter, it will bring out my mothers protective instinct, and I am not sure what the result of that would be.

I dont know what I will be like, if my daughter wants to travel far away by herself in the future.I will insist on an email everyday at least, so I am reasured she is safe, which will likely irritate her. When I was in Kuala Lumpur a month ago, she went missing and it was a terrifying experience for me. I told the security people at the shopping center we were in and they found her. When she arrived, with cola and candy and an 11 year old friend, flanked by a couple of security guards I was so relieved I could have cried, and she was furious at what she descrived as 'me setting the police on her'.
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I am single also. I remember my mother telling me I should "Wait for someone to go with me." I looked at her and asked who I was going to wait for? I don't date, so bf is not an option either. I could stay at home and do nothing and get old or I could go do. I am not going to be stuck at home.

As for children - I raised them and lived, is this any harder? Reply to this

Firstly, it is very easy to like the work of A A Milne - takes me back many, many years....

Anyway, onto Cindy's current ear-bashing from three sides (especially demanding when one only has two ears) but I would be exceptionally frustrated if this was to occur to me. Yes, I can understand the need to be considerate of those who are not travelling with you, but they also need to be considerate to you.

One of the rare (and possibly unique) characteristics of humans is our ability to dream. It is those dreams, that hope of achieving those dreams that inspires and drives us. Take away these dreams and one rips at the essence of what makes us an individual. Some people dream of a owning a big home, some dream of a starting a family - but neither of these are my dreams - instead my dreams are to stand amongst the ruins of a long abandoned city or to explore a culture totally different to my own.

I would never tell someone not to pursue their dreams. Can you imagine stating to another person "I don't think you should own a home", or "I don't think you should have children" or "I don't think you should attend art school." Most people would consider these comments to be inappropriate - yet someone whose dream is to explore the world are supposed to tolerate "I don't think you should travel". Sure, you can express your concerns to someone, but once the decision has been made, it needs to be respected and neither pressure nor attempting to evoke guilty feelings is tolerable.

No-one ever tries this "do not travel" line on me anymore, as they know that they will not convince me to change my mind. I'm a strong-willed individual, and once a decision has been made on something such as this, the opinions of others will have no influence on me. Sure, I can accommodate ways to keep in contact if they are particularly worried, but it won't stop me for going.

Cindy, maybe you should try to convey to others that for you, the dream is to swim above the coral and amongst the fishes. Your dream is to feel the sun on your face when you surface after an exhilarating dive and to watch the sun setting after a day of exploring the underwater wonderland. This is the essence and driving hope of you as a person, and nobody can understand that dream more than you. Others should respect your dreams, just like you respect the dreams of others.

Hope this helps.


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Cindy,

I'm so glad you are back on the forums as your postings are always amusing!

As always Shane has wisdom to offer---

I can understand the need to be considerate of those who are not travelling with you, but they also need to be considerate to you.

Cindy my guess is that by the time you were finished writing this post that you knew what was the "right" thing for you. Trust your gut instinct as it will always serve you well. Sit quietly for a few moments, go to your happy place, think it through. You have the answer.

With that said, my comments will not change your mind but here is my personal opinion. Guilt is over rated--- do not let them make you feel bad. As you said you have been through a lot the last few months, your free spirit has had many limitations and you need to regain your balance in life.

i just want some bloody peace and quiet and time with the fishies!

Sit them down and explain you wont' be gone long but you need to go blow some bubbles. The fishes are awaiting you.

Extremely well written

try to convey to others that for you, the dream is to swim above the coral and amongst the fishes. Your dream is to feel the sun on your face when you surface after an exhilarating dive and to watch the sun setting after a day of exploring the underwater wonderland. This is the essence and driving hope of you as a person, and nobody can understand that dream more than you. Others should respect your dreams, just like you respect the dreams of others.

I do believe your loved ones don't really want to change who you are--- they are thinking of themselves and not what you need right now.

we met when I was travelling solo, diving around the globe

There are times when you need to put yourself first-- before others. Sounds like the time may be now. Go enjoy Wakatobi....and for goodness sake publish a blog with lots of photos and watch out for horses!!


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I did say to Ali that a 'those left behind ' page might be a good idea so we could all discuss our neurotic worries and let the adventurers get on with it unmolested!

I like that idea. I will put it on the 'Potential New Forums' list, so Ali will know there are now 2 votes in its favour. There are quite a lot of threads posted, by left behind girlfriends/boyfriends, parents... Maybe a forum especially for them would make them feel welcome on TravelBlog, even if they dont travel themselves. As well at that, travellers could hand them over to the rest of us, when they cant listen to anymore or dont know what to say to them. 😊



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Thank you all 😊

Shane your words are always so full of wisdom and poetic..you 'get' it. And as always the rational and calm voices of D & MJ - I AM going, I did go to my happy place (watching a lot of vids of diving in Wakatobi and Bunaken) and thought..why should I feel guilty?
I explained to my sons (LOL @ Shane with the two ears) that they had to look at it from my POV. I earn a fair bit more than Giant does, I also have almost two years of leave up my sleeve so getting bored and booking a flight is something i have EARNED. I guess it goes a little deeper too, since we met 18 months ago I have paid for him to come overseas 4 times. Ive changed my style of travelling to accomodate him on all of those trips (finding hotels with gyms, not taking 4 flights in a day) so is it fair to expect to come on every trip when you are not contributing anything other than a few hundred dollars?

Opens up a whole other can of worms doesnt it?

He will get the trip to Bhutan that had to be delayed next year and he will get his week in his new favourite place Ao Nang.

Ive tried to explain to giant this is about me not him. I dont handle being tied down well, I dont do playing the daily routine well. Gigs the injury was a racehorse induced severed tendon but its coming along better than expected. The only advice my doctor gave me was ''find a flat island'' and...stay away from horses! :-)

I guess this is the bit where we find out what a relationship is based on...being together 24/7 and turning two people into one.....or embracing the soaring spirit and dreams of two people.

Gigs must say a special hello - my mother also said she did not raise me to be shark food, but as I tell her..theres not enough sharks left and I would be the last choice of diver to be eaten, im way too skinny, only my bones for toothpicks would be of any use to a shark!
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Cindy-- when will you be in Bhutan? I'm fairly sure Dave and I will be there next year. Maybe we could hook up. Reply to this