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Published: October 8th 2013
Okay, first off, let me explain that the hooker discount coupons were for the purposes of research and because Claire wanted to see them. I personally find them disgusting. Anyway, moving on...
The third day started off pretty badly for me. I woke up pretty early after a wild (solitary) night on the Vegas tiles 50 bucks poorer and with a slightly sore head. Pretty convenient because about 5 minutes later Tina called me from their room asking if she could come get the laptop charger before they disappeared on their three hour Vegas timeshare sales pitch extraordinaire. I went for a walk around the strip to try find some WiFi (which is surprisingly sparse in the USA of all countries) before finding a smidging of internet outside Bubba Gump’s. I sat on the bench outside next to my box of chocolates and checked in to HQ.
When Rob and T-bag returned, we headed out to find some food and ended up at Paris buffet. The food itself wasn’t the most exciting selection in the world but I’d had an empty stomach since my 3am alcohol fuelled shenanigans and could've eaten a
You ain't happy 'less you got one!
horse by this point. The best part was the made-to-order crepes. We all got crepe’d out our nuts and headed back to the hotel to be picked up by the Guns ‘n’ Ammo shuttle bus.
We arrived at the shooting range like kids in a candy store (possibly a distasteful comparison). We agreed on the package where we each get to pick 3 guns with 2 mags of ammo for each. The choices were as follows:
- G3 Rifle
- Some sort of AK74u equivalent (Black Ops NOOOOOOOOOB)
- Tommy Gun
- Desert Eagle .44
- Tommy Gun
- M1A Rifle
The experience was amazing. Tina went first with her three choices. Her MP5 kept jamming which was a little disappointing, but the frustration was relieved when an empty shell from her Desert Eagle fell down her quite frankly disgustingly exposed cleavage and burnt her. That’s what you get for pretending you’re Lara Croft I guess. She then went full auto with her AK47, to which the
range master exclaimed “GET SOME!” followed by me and Rob bursting into hysterics (Full Metal Jacket, anyone?) Rob went next, and his AK74u noob cannon was ridiculous. The range-guy had warned us that the gun can be ‘like a fire spitting dragon’ beforehand. He wasn’t kidding, that was some crazy shooting. He finished his turn with the G3 rifle, which quite honestly was an embarrassing attempt at hitting a target. I certainly wouldn’t want him in the trenches beside me. The wall took a good pasting though. Lastly, it was Lieutenant Dan’s time to shine. The P90 was ridiculous. It weighed nothing and had zero recoil. The Tommy Gun was EXCELLENT and certainly ticked a box on the bucket list. Lastly, the M1A rifle was great, although a little painful. I found myself wishing for my turn to be over as shot-by-shot the recoil seemed to be getting worse. After the experience, the ranger master told me that I was the best shot (which quite frankly was never in doubt) and that it wasn’t bad for a Brit. Damn Yanks. We each picked a t-shirt and left the building!
After Guns ‘n’ Ammo we visited the Stratosphere and rode
the rides, including the hyper-blaster type thing which is apparently the world’s highest thrill ride. Rob went into Jack-Nicholson-The-Shining mode when he had to ride the spinning ride to make up numbers. He seems to get extremely angry when he has to do anything exciting. Later on we went to see Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity at New York New York's theatre, which was a sort of sexual version of the infamous acrobatic show. Sufficed to say, I think the hooker discount card distribution guys probably went home early that night.
And with a bonus.
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