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DO ask foreign travel companions to do an American accent. Not just because it's funny, but because what they say inevitably reveals some stereotype about Americans. Like that we're all from Texas or frequent Sizzler Steakhouses.
DON'T wear a baseball cap. Seriously. As well as it disguises disheveled hair or covers your face from the rain, Europeans just don't do it - you might as well be wearing a fanny pack on your head.
DO pack a pashmina or light scarf. Not just to keep warmer and cover a double chin, but to dress a casual outfit up or dressy outfit down.
DON'T doubt the veracity of the voltage listed on the hotel's bathroom outlet, or you could end up getting dressed in the dark because you blew the fuse. Hypothetically.
DO add an extra five minutes per inch of wet hair when you are trying to blow dry in Europe. Even at maximum strength, it is about on par with having someone breathe on your head.
DON'T try to do as the locals do by eating while walking. Not only does it require multitasking, but teetering on cobblestones is already hazardous to one's health.
DO keep small change or good friends on you at all times in case you have to pay to use the bathroom.
Related: DO budget your daily liquid intake if you're going on a bus trip. The toilets are emergency-only, and no one wants to be responsible for a lingering smell.
DON'T expect any toilet or shower to be the same. Flushers aren’t attached to the toilets, so if you can't find it just press whatever is discolored and/or protruding from the wall. That's usually it.
DO bring a teasing brush if you are a woman or a man with womanish hair to help maintain volume throughout the day.
DON'T believe that no one in Paris wears jeans. They do - they just happen to be dark and cost as much as my monthly car payment.
DO carry individually wrapped Wet Naps, lest you find yourself in yet another bathroom stall with no toilet paper.
DON'T wear white running shoes. Colored track shoes, yes.
DO pack every charger, transfer wire, battery and adaptor you have. It still won't be a failsafe against having to buy a FunCam because your digital is dead.
DON'T forget to write down what you did immediately after you did it. On a trip where each destination is more spectacular than the previous, the beautiful specifics start to blend together.
DO bring a lap top so you can organize, save and back up pictures as you go.
DON'T be afraid to throw your belongings down on empty seats when you're taking a red eye flight to ensure you can sleep lying down, otherwise you'll end up sitting perfectly upright watching "Bride Wars.”
DO book a slightly off-season trip. The weather might be hit and miss, but it's less crowded. Especially if you're on a guided bus tour, which makes your reservations in advance so you can skip lines entirely.
DON'T expect to find an atmospheric and cheap restaurant in Switzerland. Either come armed with plenty of Euros or go to the nearest grocery store (Co-Op) to create your own meal.
DO opt for the budget bus tours if you enjoy people who are high energy but low maintenance.
DON'T forget earplugs and/or sleeping aids - this will help drown out the sound of trains and cable cars.
DO take Airborne twice
a day the week preceding and during the trip. Even if its effect is only psychological, you'll still stand a better chance of avoiding a cold that results in not being able to breathe fresh Swiss air or taste European cuisine.
DON’T kid yourself. If you’re at home and strangers are laughing, they’re probably just laughing near you. If you’re abroad and strangers are laughing, they’re probably laughing at you.
DO pack snacks. Not only does this save you money and hunger pangs, but eating as you go will also shave off enough suitcase pounds to swap in souvenirs.
DON’T forget to listen to the tour guide when he or she tells you the meeting place and time, otherwise you might end up reliving the time in third grade when you humiliated yourself by not following your teacher’s instructions on where to reconvene after the school ice cream social.
DO give yourself a few minutes to acclimate yourself to the hotel buffet, because there is very little uniformity to the contents and layout of European breakfasts. Bread, cold cuts and cheeses were standard, but trying to decipher which spicket had coffee vs. water vs. milk could
result in having a coffee cup full of hot water and cereal bowl full of hot milk.
Related: DO pocket individual serving packets of Nutella if you see them at the buffet. Not necessarily to save as a future condiment, but because it’s Nutella and delicious enough to eat straight.
DON’T get freaked out when the wait staff asks if you want your water with gas - it means bubbles.
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