The Epic Visa Quest

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Now children, I'm going to tell you a story, a story of an epic and at times seemingly impossible quest. The quest for the Golden Tourist Visa into Paraguay. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

I went into a London last friday, the train ticket costs £21. Already I was not a happy bunny. Anyway, so I get to London, and head off to the Embassy on High Street Kensington. Now normally as you walk around London you see this big Embassys with their flags and so on. I got to the Paraguayan Embassy and couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry for them. Theyw ere just on the 3rd floor of a non-descript building, no flags, and when I got there - only one room with two little desks in it. Bless. Anyway, I was prepared for this bit, I had my passport and photocopies, the visa application forms, the photocopies of my plane ticket and bank statement. So it was all good. I just left it with them and was told to come back on Tuesday to collect it. However things got complicated. They only issue tourist visas for 3 or 6 months. And I'm staying for 9. So while I'm out there I have to get my 6 month visa extentended for another 3 months. To do that you need to take with you your birth certificate and a criminal record background check. But they have to be 'legalised'. Now this is the part where it all gets rather stressful. I go to the legalisation office, get my little numbered ticket which is my place in the queue. I'm C60. I look up, they're on B80. I'm going to be here a while. Then one of the men comes up to me and explains that before you can get a CRBcheck legalised you first have to get it certified by a soliciter. Right. So I get given directions to a soliciter's office and head off. I get a little bit lost, but find a rather posh looking soliciter's office, and thinking well this is London after all, assume it must be the right one. Go in. And get a rather snobbish dismissal from a rather posh receptionist. Oooops. So I go back to the legalisation office, and by now they're on C50something. So I sit and think well I'll just get my birth certificate done now, and certify my CRB at home and get it legalised when I come back on tuesday to get my visa. So I sit and wait. They call C59. I get ready to go up. Then they call C61. Wait, what? I go up to the men at the back and they give me better directions to the soliciters. So I go. I get there, see the soliciter and she says, "Okay, do you promise it's real?" ... Yes I promise. She stamps it, I sign it, she says, "That's £8 please." What. I grin and bear it and pay, then go back to the legalisation office. By which time they're now on C80something. I think they're probably not coming back to my missing number. So I go back again to the men at the back and explain, he laughs and tells me just to go straight to the front. I go, but then think, hold on these people have been queueing for hourse, they're going to massacre me if they think I've just pushed in! But I don't really have any other choice, so I go to the front and explain. I hand over my two documents, "That's £54 please." Double what! I sigh and pay. Then go to Covent Garden and buy myself a cookie. So that was the stressful bit. The rest of the evening was lovely, as I met my Auntie Charlotte (who's not technically my auntie but for all intents and purposes, is.) and we had dinner. I ate kangaroo. It tasted like beef. It was good. Then on tuesday I went back and picked up my visa, which cost me £35 (plus another £21 train ticket). By now my bank balance is crying, weeping for mercy. Then I met up with Nandi, Dave and Lori, went to see Nandi and Lori's new flat and went to lunch at Pizza Hut (I figured my bank balance was already utterly destroyed I might as well not go hungry). Which concludes the epic quest for the Golden Tourist Visa, which only cost me £139 altogether... Plus lunch x2 and a cookie... *Whimpers*

It's official, from now on I'm only visiting countries that don't care. Like Brazil or Argentina.

Also, I still have no idea what to pack... Help?!?

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