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Published: August 21st 2008
OLA from Barcelona! Sorry it might have seemed like a long time since you have heard from me but I have been writing as much as I can so I don´t have you miss out on too much. Unfortunately between seeing the sites and having an amazing time partying I have had very little time to write so I will just have to start writing more of an overview of the highlights rather than such detailed description. Also excuse the grammar of this post as these Spanish keyboards are little difficult to get used to and I can´t seem to find the apostrophe that doesn´t put a space in before it, never mind that now though.
Firstly I would like to thank all of you who are writing to me. Even though I am not replying please keep sending them to me because I am reading them, it´s not just that I am ignoring them the reason I am not replying is because I am paying for all my internet at 1 Euro for 15 minutes so by the time I have written the blog entries I do not have much time for anything else. It was also mentioned that I may have used at bit more colourful language in my list of problems with long haul flights. I do apologize if I offended anyone and I will try to keep it at an M15+ rating from now on. Finally I will apologize for the last couple of posts saying that the photos will explain things and then not actually putting the photos up. The thing is there is quiet a few of them and I don´t really have time to upload them all as they are quiet big so I might have to organise to put them on to some CDs and mail them to the subscribers of this blog at the end of the trip or something.
I will start by typing out what I have written in my journal and then fill in the gaps from when I stopped writing; Well the plan to write everyday didn´t quiet go to plan it´s difficult to find the motivation to write when there is so much to see. Three days ago we hit Paris like a hurricane they didn´t know what hit them. The start of the trip seems a sensible place to start the story.
We had organised on our facebook group to meet at the pub in the hotel so I strolled on in to the London Pub to check out the party there. What a night! We all tucked into some beers and had a good old laugh. This is where the reign of Kind Wingnut began. Oh my god the people on this tour freakin love me. I am nearly always the centre of attention...I am happy. This was also the day that most of my tour mates met Jerry, he was also a big hit and sometimes I find he even steals my thunder, this displeases me. Driving to Paris was so much fun everyone was laughing and singing and I thought it was funny how as we drove into France that all of the graffitti was in French, but then I don´t know why I expected to be in English.
Upon arriving at our caravan park on the outskirts of Paris we were introduced to the Joker game. This was a game that we played the entire time in France and the rules were if someone showed you a Joker you had to pull your pants down and assume a muscle man posed unless you too could produce a Joker. This was a fun game but people pretty much gave up on it when they realised that a few of had lost our Jokers and didn´t care about it.
Once we had our things in our rooms and we had all had our complimentry Escargot it was time to take a bus tour around France. Oh my god that place is amazing with all of its old architecture and I thought it was really cool how everything was so elegantly lit up. We also tackled the Arch de Treumph which is a 12 entry Killer-bout with no rules! Literally! We were told that once your enter the Arch de Treumph all of your Car, Life, etc. insurance become null and void.
The next few days were pretty much a carbon copy, during the day we saw the sites and during the night we had a party and usually the life of the party was Jerry, we found out he was a very good dancer when Emma had her hand up his butt. Rather than bore you with the details of the site seeing as they were pretty much the same I will just give you a highlight reel of some of the better things be they funny or amazing.
The morning before we left for France we woke up very, very blurry. We had drank till closing time at the London pub and would have gone to bed if we hadn´t found another bar in the hotel lobby. We had the worst shower, it was freaking hilarious, so I turned it on, which soaked the entire bathroom because of a nozzle that didn´t want to roll with his homies. Then once I got in I could feel the water wearing a hole into my back there was so much water pressure so I decided that something had to be done about this so I started to adjust the taps. The details of what happened next are a little blurry as they happened so quick and painfully. I accidently turned the cold tap off and the hot tap further on. This caused me to perform some sort of an half pike pain turn which saw me slip, do a half turn and land with one of the very pointy tap handles up my ass and then I continued to fall the foot drop from the bath to my bag leaving me in quiet a bit of pain and soaking all my clothes while I tended to my third degree burns, all silently mind you so as not to wake up my roomies in the bedroom nearby.
The other funny thing that happened was in Paris at the caravan park bar. Danny, my new Candian friend, who by the way I have really hit it off with he is a freaking legend, anyway, Danny and I were having a drink at the bar and some girls from another tour had put a chair on the dance floor and were giving lap dances to some of the boys on their tour. Two in particular were pretty good looking and Danny told me that the next time the chair emptied I should just go and sit on the chair, stare blankly and do nothing because he thought it would be funny. Well the chair didn´t open up for quiet a while but when it did after a few arguments over who should do it I strolled on over and took a seat. A few minutes in and everything was going to plan all my tour mates were laughing and all the other tour was wondering what I was doing. I looked around and realised that both the hotties were now making out off to the left of the chair with their dancees and a third girl came over and told me that I could be waiting a while. Then it happened...It amazed me how fast she moved for such a portly lady. The heffer mounted me and I was told later that with each grind the chair made a painful screech as it moved across the floor.
What do you do in this situation? Well really at this point there was nothing I really could do because I was going to struggle to lift Bessie off, so, I celebrated. Bad idea this was a red rag to proverbial bull and as I gasped for air in between getting my head dunked into more than ample breast I couldn´t help but wonder if this was what hell was going to be like. Anyway as she got up to turn around and continue I stood up gave her a kiss on the cheek and piss bolted back to our leaning post at the bar where I laughed with Danny so hard that we had to seperate each other to calm down.
The one amazing thing was the Eiffel Tower at night. We went to it during the day and took photos from the outside. Then in the afternoon the boys and I raced each other up the steps, all 700, to the second level; we were devisated when we were told that we weren´t allowed to climb all the way to the top but once we got up there and it was dark and Oh. My. God. it was gorgeous. I have never seen anything like it I was seriously struggling to stop looking it was so beautiful with all the lights and stuff, it may sound a bit poofy but it seriously had me dumb struck. Then when we got half way down they turned on the stobe lights stuck all over the tower. The video of it is amazing and probably my favourite recorded memory in my camera so far.
The other thing that I really enjoyed in France was learning the language, by the time we got the hang of it we were leaving which was a bit unlucky but I now know enough to get me by and be polite which is great, I feel so cultured. On our last night in Paris we went out on the town to an Irish pub and I knocked around with these two French guys all night who were great, they taught me a lot more about how to be polite when using the French language and they showed me some very interesting drinks like the Irish carbomb which I was told after consuming it with them was a shot of half Baileys and half Jamesons dropped into a pint of Kilkenny (Dark beer a bit like stout) and then consumed as quickly as possible. Probably not one of the better drinks I have had in my life but I had forgotten how to say "I have had too much to drink" in French.
Well this is getting quiet long and I am starting to run out of Euro to pay for the internet so I might have to fill you in on the rest a little later. Till then take care and keep in touch.
One last thing all I have left to do is use this key on the keyboard ç oh and this one ¿ tee hee...awesome.
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Lisa and Craig Braddy
non-member comment
Hi Again
You sound like you are having a great time and meeting fantastic people. Hope you are slipping in a few alcohol free days - that might help the budget. France sounded brilliant and it sounds like the sites were amazing. I think your lap dance with the fat chick would have been a very special experience for you. Dad and I nearly wet ourselves. I love the way you never discriminate. Keep having fun stay safe Love Mum and Dad (porky and Chester too)