i'm serious. martika, who is five and up past her bedtime, was in one of the bathrooms just now. when she came out, i asked her what she was doing in there and to show me what she had done, because she isn't supposed to play in the bathrooms, clearly. she said, like all jamaican children do, "my doodoo was comin' down!" so she took me in there and i had her flush the toilet and start to wash her hands. there was a huge cockroach by the toothpaste and we both screamed and jumped back laughing and i smashed it with my shoe and i am telling you, toothpaste and guts came out of that thing and smeared all over the wall. ...or maybe there was just toothpaste on its outsides because i tried smashing
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