Bug

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Geo: 17.2171, -89.6232

Staying in the jungle of Northern Guatemala makes for the perfect jumping off point to visit Tikal, site of Guatemala's most famous Mayan ruins. Beyond that, staying in the jungle for a few nights is just plain cool, a nice escape from Guatemala City's grit and sprawl, and a peaceful spot to relax for a few days. Could there possibly be a downside to staying in the jungle? I can't think of any, except for one thing ... bugs! Nasty bugs!! Nasty disgusting giant bugs!!!

You're in the jungle, so you expect to come across some bugs, right? But it's still a bit of a surprise when you come across them in the middle of night, when you flick on the bathroom light as you heed the call of nature. At first it was just your garden variety cockroach crawling on the mirror - ugh ... definitely not pleasant, but nothing terribly unusual.

Then it was a larger, more exotic bug, crawling on the sink - definitely grosser than most bugs you would find in Canada, but nothing horrific. But then, there it was ... OMG!!! What the Hell is that thing in the bathroom!!! I've been known to exaggerate, but believe me when I say that this bug was even more horrific than the one pictured on the left!!! I've never seen such a disgusting, terrifying insect in my life! What is it? What planet is it from? Would the Men in Black come to my rescue???!??!??

It's a good thing that I was in the bathroom to pee, because quite honestly, the sight of that bug's massive jaws in motion was enough to make do so involuntarily anyway! My mind raced, trying to figure out what to do next - the standard weapon of choice, the ever-so-powerful flip flop, simply wouldn't do against such a formidable foe. It simply lacked the mass to dispose of this evil alien creature, and I feared that it would only anger the bug like a slap would piss off a 300 lb bully, inciting the bug to bite my head off in a fit of rage.

The only other viable option that came to mind was to run back to the bedroom and grab my imitation Swiss Army Knife, but again, it wouldn't be an effective weapon against this gargantuan creature, no more than a thumb tack would slow down an elephant. As I finished peeing my pants, I made a mental note to fill out the hotel's comment card and suggest they keep an emergency chainsaw in their bathroom, if by some miracle I managed to survive this night ...

I had run out of options, and resorted to adopting a tactic that a borderline Atheist like myself considers nearly inconceivable - I shot out of the bathroom like a bat out of hell, dove into bed, pulled the covers over my head. I prayed for God to save me, for Him to send this bug to where it belonged - to Hell!!!

An hour later, it appeared that my prayer was answered, as I was still alive, and all my body parts still intact. But still not feeling entirely safe, I took a few more precautions, first rolling Benita's sleeping body across the bed and closer to the dangerous bathroom and second, sprinkling granola bar crumbs all over her, making her a more delicious victim for the bug to eat. Sometimes, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do ...

It ended up being the longest night of my life, but somehow, some way, I survived ... perhaps because it was a pretty short night, since we needed to be up before the crack of dawn to catch our tour to Tikal. Upon waking up, I was paralyzed with fear at the thought of what I found find in the bathroom; however, there was a simple solution to this conundrum - I waited for Benita to use the bathroom first, and when I heard no screams, I knew that it would be safe for me to enter.

Tikal is considered a must-see for those following the Guatemalan tourist route, but for the first couple of hours of touring the site, we found it to be over-rated and not really worth the time or effort to get here. Wandering around the hot, humid Guatemalan jungle and climbing up several temples after hearing all those promises of spectacular views wasn't all that enjoyable, especially when those views really weren't all that spectacular, barely able to see the tips of various temples scattered across the site. Of course, it's possible that last night's brush with death dulled my senses so much that I couldn't possibly enjoy today's visit to Tikal ...

However, as we climbed the final temple of the day, our negative opinion swayed, now able to see the tips of multiple temples jutting just above the trees. The views were nice, and the significance of the site finally sunk in, as we realized that perhaps the attraction of Tikal wasn't about its beauty, but about its achievement. It's the fact that an ancient civilization was able to accomplish so much, so long ago.

There isn't much else to do in the area, so the rest of the day was spent lazing about the pool, napping in our room, and building makeshift weapons and armour to defend ourselves against another likely bug invasion this evening. Just another relaxing night in a bug-infested jungle ...

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Photos

Not So Overrated, After All ...
... finally, a view of the tops of three temples - Tikal ended up being pretty cool, after all.

Sundowner in Guatemala ...
... ... at El Muelle, a restaurant/hotel on Lake Peten, directly across from where we were staying.

Spicy Sirloin ...
... what we've learned about Guatemalan meat so far - tasty and sweet, but always tough. There aren't many dining options within Tikal National Park, but the food at the Jaguar Inn was surprisingly good. The veggies were great, and it was fitting that the green bean looks lke a caterpillar with antennas, because the highlight of the meal was when a cockroach crawled out of my napkin-wrapped cutlery. Yum ...

Chicken Pepian ...
... a very traditional dish, with a sauce made of pumpkin seeds, tomatoes, and a little hot pepper.

Avocados ...
... perhaps the best thing to eat in all of Central America, they taste so much better when eaten in their native land - rich, creamy, buttery ... and even though the guacamole here is quite simple, it's still some of the most delicious stuff you can get anywhere. And they were even better with a couple of mojitos at El Muelle!

Not Tex Mex ...
... fajitas, Guatemalan style. Nice and saucy!

Grilled Green Onions ...
... Guatemalans seem to love them, something I never would have thought of doing, but something I definitely will start doing back home. Again, the steak was tasty but tough.