The country in which I am forced to endure this freezing life of hardship by my captors needs fixing. The heating here is lousy. Its cold enough to freeze the knackers off a cobblers knob. I remember growing up in the tropics, sun, sea & banana pancakes were the norm. Last night, sitting happily on the sofa, next to the radiant heat machine, watching the captive fish in their glass room, the bloody cat (another captive) decides to drag me through the catflap to enjoy a "fresh Yorkshire night". Try as I might, I just couldn't make it back through that porthole, my arms & legs not being what they were, suffice to say I have just suffered a night of absolute torture in what I can only compare to being in a minus several
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