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Published: March 20th 2007
The country in which I am forced to endure this freezing life of hardship by my captors needs fixing. The heating here is lousy. Its cold enough to freeze the knackers off a cobblers knob. I remember growing up in the tropics, sun, sea & banana pancakes were the norm.
Last night, sitting happily on the sofa, next to the radiant heat machine, watching the captive fish in their glass room, the bloody cat (another captive) decides to drag me through the catflap to enjoy a "fresh Yorkshire night".
Try as I might, I just couldn't make it back through that porthole, my arms & legs not being what they were, suffice to say I have just suffered a night of absolute torture in what I can only compare to being in a minus several degree wind tunnel operated by a Human with extreme dandruff.
One of my Keepers helped me in this afternoon & (credit where it's due) apologised profusely on behalf of the cat & has provided me with central heating, something the outside world here could surely benefit from. Cuts no ice with me I'm afraid. This is WAR!.
I'm told we now have only 3 more sleeps before going on several flying machines to visit the land of my 4 fathers (four fathers?, forfathers?, 4 feathers? Forfar Vers? - no idea what that means - I truly believed I only had one dad. (Note to self. Must check out family tree on internet on possible return.)
Between me & you I shall be looking for any reasonable excuse to escape when we get to the Hot Place. I'd rather take my chances with the mosquitoes & sand flies than have to endure such humiliation in the future.
Next post shall reveal all.
Mr. M. :-
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