Blue Pill/Red Pill

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Geo: 7.89072, 98.3988

We all know the cliched pop culture reference - take the blue pill, and you remain in an ignorant state of bliss, content and unaware of the true nature of the World you live in. Take the red pill as we did today, and you may end up experiencing a reality you wish never existed ...

On it's simplest level, life is nothing more than making a series of choices, some big, and some small; it's funny how at times, a seemingly simple and innocuous decision can have life-altering consequences ... would you think that choosing to go straight instead of turning left could have such profound repercussions?

Japan and Chiang Mai were the highest of the highs, so of course, things could only go downhill from there, though we didn't expect to descend into the lowest of the lows here in Phuket Town - getting jacked at knife point! Like I said, life is all about making choices, and simply put, we chose poorly today - very poorly ...

It's the law of averages - Thailand is the 70th country I have visited, and though we have both visited so-called sketchier countries than here, we have been fortunate that nothing like this has happened before. Sure, I have had two near incidents before in Brazil, but those are what I would term "innocent" mugging attempts, where safety was never really in question.

The sad truth is, that with this much travel, it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens, though there are many things that can be done to either mitigate the consequences, or try and avoid these types of situations all together. Simply put, we didn't need to be where we were, and chose to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Again, it all came down to one of those simple decisions, to either go straight or turn left ...

Our first impressions of Phuket Town were great, arriving mid-afternoon to an awesome little old town, a tad gritty but slowly gentrifying, and filled with all sorts of cool Sino-Portuguese architecture. Checking into our hotel was also a great experience, a beautifully-restored classic building with the most amazing and welcoming staff. A delicious Southern Thai meal that was so spicy our heads nearly exploded into flames, a nice little stroll around the neighbourhood, and a wickedly torturous Thai massage - it couldn't get any better than that! And of course, it didn't get any better than that . ..

As is typical in Thailand, Phuket Town has areas filled with street food vendors, popular places for locals to go for an evening meal, good spots for people watching, and for soaking in some of the local vibe. The thing about the centre of Phuket Town is that with only a handful of steps, you can go from bustling to completely dead - just up the street from what the locals call the fresh market is a block that appeared to be more of a day market area, and at 10 PM it was completely deserted and dark. Storefronts closed, awnings hanging over the sidewalk, and really no street lights to speak of ... why would anyone choose to walk along this street?

In fact, we didn't have to walk along this street, and even paused before entering it - waiting at a light, I noticed another tourist couple waiting to cross, but they seemingly paused and decided to turn left, instead of continuing straight. That was, shall we say, a rather fortuitous decision for them, and perhaps not so fortuitous for us? There is a chance that, had they decided to go straight, they would've been jacked and not us, or perhaps neither of us would've been, as we may have ended up loosely walking together as a group of four.

But that didn't happen and for a moment, I did ponder following them, but thought to myself "Nah, it's a pretty small town, and it's only a short block to the next main street ..." What's the worst that could possibly happen? Playing back this type of experience in your mind is an interesting one; at the time it happened, everything was a bit of a blur, difficult to process all that transpired for a couple of reasons - things happened so quickly, and perhaps more importantly, simply not wanting to believe this was actually happening, instead hoping that this was all some mistake or bad dream ...

At one point, I tripped on a brick, and looked down to see several of them scattered about the sidewalk, and comically thought to myself "Well, if somebody tries to mug us, at least I can pick one up and bash him on the side of the head!" Funny to say now, but not so funny at the time, especially in a fleeting moment of fear mere moments later, when like a scene from a movie, I heard the sound of a pop can skittering across the ground ...

I quickly turned around to check things out, coming face to face with ... an empty street. As we continued to walk, I thought to myself "Must just be the wind ...", perhaps not wanting to acknowledge it, but deep down knowing that it wasn't the wind. Barely even a few seconds later, feeling that something just wasn't right, I looked back again to see a dark figure rapidly sneaking up upon us, with something in his right hand ...

It seemingly took forever to process everything and get over that initial moment of disbelief, that fraction of a second it took to realize that yes, this really was about to go down, and to yell out one word - "RUN!!!" But it was too late, as the shadowy figure was already only a few strides away and moving rapidly, while we were flat-footed. In another split second, another decision was made as I grabbed Benita and held her back - hand it over, and maybe this would all turn out OK ...

If there was any doubt before as to what he held in his hand, it was now 100% clear as he menacingly made slashing gestures with his right hand as he berated us loudly in Thai, calmly and coolly stalking upon us, one step at a time. You don't need to understand a lick of Thai to comprehend what his intentions were, but it still took time for this unwanted transaction to unfold, too much time in fact, which felt like an eternity.

In that instant, I hoped that this moment of duress would trigger a distant memory a la Jason Bourne, where I realized that in a former long-forgotten life, I had been trained as an elite special forces operative, and unleash some brutal and deadly martial arts skills. The ultimate end to this story would have been me grabbing a magazine out of the nearby trash, rolling it up and using it as a blunt object to bash in his face. After a few blows delivered with surgical precision, I'd toss away the magazine, trading it for a rag and choking out this mofo, and deliver a final death strike by snapping off both of his middle fingers, and gouging his eyes out with them.

Or even better, maybe I'd realize that in a previous incarnation, I had been horribly exploited as a performer in one of Thailand's terribly tacky and infamous ping pong bars, and had a natural ability to fire deadly objects with laser-like precision from an orifice. But no, that wasn't the case! Perhaps the earlier hotter-than-a-nuclear-explosion Southern Thai black pepper curry we had eaten had given me the superpower of burping out flames, but again, that wasn't the case!

Unfortunately, I realized that the only training and skills I could call upon in that moment would be that of an engineer, and sadly, the only weapons we know how to use are a mouse and a keyboard, and the only real damage those items could inflict is carpal tunnel syndrome on our own wrists! Once again, the plan became to hand it over - from then on it's all a bit hazy, but what follows is my best recollection as to how it all went down.

"PAD THAI!!! SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT!!! PING PONG BAR!!!" the mofo yelled (we can only speculate as to what he was really yelling in Thai, and this is as good a guess as any).

"Mofo, unhand my purse! I got my mochi and matcha biscuits in there, BITCH!!!" Benita snapped back, struggling to hold on to her purse with both hands, as he continued to tug with his left, while making a few warning slashes in our general vicinity with the other.

"Let it go!!! If he slashes up my arm, how I will I be able to eat any more deliciously spicy Thai curries? It'll burn my eyes and nose if I can't use my arms and have to dip my face into the bowl!!!" I cried, desperately trying to pry the purse out of Benita's death grip and hand it over to him.

"Step off bitch, aint nobody gonna touch these tasty and meticulously-packaged Japanese sweets of mine!" she snapped back.

"Give it up!!! Do you know how much it'll hurt if he stabs me in the stomach, and all that hotter-than-a-nuclear-explosion Southern Thai black pepper curry spurts out of my stomach and burns the cut?" I desperately implored.

"What??? He's got a knife??? Take it then, mofo!!!" Benita offered, as she finally released the purse.

"Khob Khun Krup ..." the mofo politely thanked us in Thai, graciously bowing as only the Thai can, before running away.

Alright, I'm pretty sure that he didn't actually thank us, but I'd like to believe that the one Thai asshole we came across during our entire time here was as kind, polite, lovely, and impossibly gracious as every other Thai person we've met so far.

Left shocked and bewildered, we were quickly snapped out of our stupor by the sound of a dirt bike engine revving, as the mofo hopped on with his waiting accomplice, and they made their getaway. Yup, there were in fact two people involved which, in the complete chaos, I didn't even realize, though Benita did, thinking he was an innocent bystander who might actually help us.

Fight or flight are always two options available in this type of scenario, but you need to remember that there is always a third option available - give it up, like we fortunately did, as things could have gone far worse had we struggled in any way, with the mofo's backup waiting in the wings. So as quick as it all began, it was over, thankfully without a scratch on either one of us.

It was positively surreal, how in an instant, we went from a wonderful day to this, going from a lovely experience and nice chat with the awesome team at N & Friend Massage, to one of the crappiest things that can happen. In fact, we wished that the N & Friend gang had been nearby, as they surely would've used their powerful hands to dislodge a few discs in the mofo's back and rip off his arms, and beat his accomplice over the head with them.

The end result of all this was a lesson learned, and while it was an expensive mistake, it was a necessary one, as we have grown complacent while traveling the past few years, perhaps thinking that since nothing bad had happened to us so far, surely nothing bad would happen to us in the future. The traveler's mantra is always to use the same common sense you would use in any big city around the World, something which we had seemingly forgotten, but were emphatically reminded of today.

Some might say this was an absolutely shitty thing that happened to us, but I beg to differ, as I think it was an incredibly fortunate thing that happened. The bottom line is that once this chain of events was set in motion, there was no changing the fact that the only possible outcome was something bad - there's no disputing that, and the only unknown was the degree to which how badly this would turn out.

When you think of all the other possible outcomes - a slashed wrist, a knife in the gut, a night in the hospital, or worst of all, a visit to the morgue - we are the luckiest people in the World, to have escaped unscathed. I'm 100% positive that our assailant would've harmed us if he wanted to - any of those menacing slashing gestures could have wound up cutting us up, as we were both well within his reach had he lunged forward, and in fact, I was less than an arm's length away.

It's easy to second guess life decisions, but people don't have the luxury of traveling back in time to find out what would have happened had they chosen an alternate path; while we think turning left would've resulted in a better outcome, who really knows - maybe instead of getting mugged, we get hit by a bus, instead. Perhaps it's easier said than done, but the important lesson here is not to dwell on the negative, but to focus on better things. Bad things happen to everybody, and in the grand scheme of life, losing some cash and possessions isn't the end of the World, no matter how scary the situation wound up being.

I can't even say that something like this comes anywhere close to ruining the trip - there have been so many amazing experiences in the previous two weeks that will never be stricken from our minds, and definitely not because of a single incident. We've had it good so far in Asia, and nothing, not even if something tragic had actually happened to us, could change that fact. The negative actions of the few should never overshadow the collective good of an entire people, and nothing will ever make us forget how graciously we have been accepted, and the hospitality we have been shown, by the Thai people.

For many, the World can seem like a big scary place, unwelcoming and full of dangers and unknowns - but that is exactly why travelers must do what they do ... travel makes the World smaller, teaching you things that can help you cope and move on from life's negative experiences. Later on, when Benita talked about never wanting to come back to Thailand, it did make me seriously ponder that prospect - I'd be lying if I said that tonight's unfortunate incident didn't make me reconsider my thoughts on travel, or question this insatiable thirst to continue exploring the World.

However, with any traveler, wandering the World is something at the core of our being, something that can't be removed, any more than we could remove one of our limbs. Any consideration to stop traveling was short-lived, but for exactly how long did that thought last? I could never express this as eloquently as Commander Data could, so I'll let you watch this classic exchange between him and Captain Picard to find out!

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Photos

The Good ...
... at N & Friend Massage, with its amazingly friendly staff that gave us a killer painful Thai massage shortly before us getting robbed.

Better Than Pepper Spray ...
... it's common in Asian cultures that lighter skin is considered to be more beautiful, and skin-whitening creams are widely available in Thai shops. I'm sure it'll burn like hell if sprayed into the eyes of a would-be mugger!

Leap of Faith ...
... Rimping Village again changed up the hot dish of the day, this time serving these odd-looking hot dogs, scored on the ends so that they curled up when cooked, and served in a sweet and sour sauce. Not something I would normally go for, but because everything had been so good at the breakfasts so far, we gave it a go - absolutely delicious! And the heart-shaped fried egg was also quite nice, with a good runny yolk.

Snack at Rimping Village ...
... an excellent papaya salad served with grilled beef and sticky rice. The use of green beans and tomato really complemented the dish, and the beef was fantastically-flavoured, though a bit tough - fabulous! They also make a mean fruit shake here.

Southern-Style Drinks ...
... at Kopitiam by Wilai, the coffee shop branch of a longstanding Phuket restaurant specializing in the Chinese-influenced Thai cuisine of the region. It's a long way from Chiang Mai in the North to Phuket in the South, and the cuisine changes significantly. Though the traditional Thai milk coffee can also be found in the North, this purple milk drink made from the butterfly pea flower was new for us - very nice, sweet and a bit creamy, reminiscent of taro root.

Hotter Than Hell ...
... guaranteed to result in a Ring of Fire the next day, Southern Thai food kicks up the spice to a level even higher than the already spicy Northern food. This spicy noodle salad with seafood and pork was killer, with tender squid to go along with some warm chewy noodles, and a nice selection of fresh veggies - cabbage, carrots, chives, lettuce, scallions, and tomato. The Southern-style black pepper curry with pork ribs and young banana was also tasty, and even spicier than the scorching seafood salad. While lunch was delicious, the spice level was off the charts and actually became rather painful towards the end of the meal, leaving me contemplating suicide by plunging my head into the Arctic Ocean, which unfortunately, was too far away for me to try. The waitress later told us that these were mild versions of the dishes prepared for tourists, and I needed to order an iced passion fruit tea in the hopes that it would quell the fires - it did not!

Tea Time ...
... not only did Kopitiam do some mean Thai dishes, they also offered an afternoon tea, with a nice assortment of Asian pastries. The highlights were the great little peanut cookies on the top tier, reminiscent of buttery crumbly Chinese almond cookies, and on the bottom tier, the hollow and chewy puff pastry, and the fried pastry strands that were dipped in sweet condensed milk. The lowlights were the weird take on Chinese moon cakes on the top tier, with an almost pudding like pastry texture, and the grilled banana leaves stuffed with sticky rice and coconut on the bottom tier - for some strange reason, they almost tasted a bit fishy. The goji berry ginseng tea also wasn't the best accompaniment, since it wasn't very tasty, and the hot temperature set off another fire on our tongues, reactivating spice remnants. Phuket Town has a rich history of Chinese immigrants, which is clear for all to see when sampling the influence they've had on the cuisine of the region.