Joe Blogs - The Fleshpots of Krung Thep

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WARNING

This entry has been given an XXX Rating by the British Blogcasting Censorship board as it contains themes of an adult nature. People below the age of 18, or those of a nervous disposition, should skip this entry entirely. This includes, in particular, Grandmas. If this applies to you, look away now. You have been warned.

I blame the Margaritas. That’s the only explanation. Well, that and the fact that you can’t come to Krung Thep and not see what all the fuss is about.

So, a Margarita first for Dutch courage, then, oh OK, another quick one just before we go, and then, well perhaps just one more before we actually set of, and before we knew it, we’re in a taxi heading off into town to the Fleshpots of Krung Thep, or Patpong as it’s known. ( There are other areas, but Patpong is the main one ).

‘Why you go Patpong?’, says that taxi driver.

‘Night Market’, I lied.

We arrive. A long narrow street with brightly lit market stalls down the centre selling t-shirts, handbags and souvenirs, banked on either side with bars, clubs and establishments of a more salubrious nature. Young ladies in various states of undress and loud music spill out into the street. It wasn’t long before I was approached by a young gentleman of dubious qualities.

‘Pussy Ping Pong?’, he said.

‘I beg your pardon?’, I replied.

‘Pussy Smoke Cigarette?’, he said.

(Doesn’t he realise he’s addressing a minister of the Presbytarian Methodist Church ?)

He thrust what looked like a menu into my hand. I tried to memorise it (which unfortunately had the side effect of looking like I was more interested than I really was in his proposition). I can’t remember all of it, but this will give you an idea (the punctuation is mine):

(Grandmas, are you still here? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!):

1. Pussy Ping Pong

2. Pussy Smokes Cigarette

3. Pussy Cuts Banana

4. Pussy Shoots Banana

5. Pussy Chopsticks

6. Pussy Blows Candle Out

7. Pussy Opens Bottle

8. Pussy Writes Letter

9. Pussy Rainbow (?)

10. Pussy Electric (??)

11. Pussy Needle (?!?)

12. Pussy Magic Razor Blade (!!!?!!!)

13. Pussy Little Fishes (?????!!!!!????!!!!)

14. Man Makes Love to Woman

15. Girl on Girl Lesbian Action

Not right now, I said. Maybe later. I couldn't eat another thing. Thanks very much. He hassled us for a bit, but we shook him off. Two minutes later, another one. Same menu, different club.

Show start right now. Happy Hour. No charge to look.

No thank you. Maybe later.

All the way down the street (and back up the other way). A little bit phazed by it all, we thought we ought to at least have one drink in the Fleshpots, just for the experience, so we looked for a bar, we wanted seedy, but not too seedy. We picked Kiss, which looked as though it might have air-conditioning and wasn’t too busy.

The bar followed what appeared to be a standard room plan. Rectangular, with a bar in the middle and seats and tables all round the walls. A platform in the middle of the bar was a dance floor where half a dozen scantily clad young ladies, clearly bored out of their skulls, gyrated slightly out of time to the music. We ordered two beers off a large, middle-aged Thai lady with a broken arm and tried to avoid eye contact with the bored dancers. Shortly afterward, we were joined by what I can only describe as an extremely large, elderly Geisha pensioner, wearing far too much makeup and dyed hair.

‘My Mama was a baad lady’, she leered in a gruff voice.

I gave Moi a look which said ‘we have to get the f*ck out of here now’, which she understood immediately and we politely paid the bill and left.

Mmm. Not quite right. We’d obviously picked the wrong bar. Let's try again.

This time we picked one that seemed very popular and was very busy and lively and looked as though it might be quite naughty - Kings bar.

Same room plan, but the difference was the party atmosphere and the abundance of scantily clad ladies both on and off the platfrm (including naked ladies in the audience too). We were shown to the back of the room, seated, and then the swarm arrived.

All of a sudden, we were joined by a bevy of 6 lovely young ladies, all dressed in very skimpy bikinis, some sporting tattoos, piercings etc., probably between the ages of 23 and 28.

‘Hello, my name Bee. What you name?’

‘Hello, my name Amy. Where you from?’

‘Hello my name Li. How long you in Bangkok?’

And so on.

Bee sat next to Moi, Li sat next to me. It was a bit of a squeeze, but we didn’t mind.

‘You buy drink for us?’, said Bee ( or was it Li, or was it me?).

‘Hang on, you want me to buy all 6 of you a drink ?’

‘Yes’, they chorused.

Well, when in Krung Thep and all that. Why not?

‘Champagne’, I shouted flinging a wad of Bhat’s into the air, ’Champagne for all’.

(Actually, it was Coca Cola, and I signed for it).

Meanwhile, while Bee was busy squeezing Moi’s breasts, another one arrived.

‘You buy drink for me too’, she said.

'Of course, of course, more champagne'.

‘What’s your name?’ I asked.

‘Number 3’, she said, pointing to a small badge with the number 3 on it.

('Surely not Miss Pussy Cuts Banana?', I thought)

Another one arrived and squeezed in between me and Li.

‘This is my friend’, said Li, ‘she called Neam’.

Neam (skimpy bikini, huge breasts) looked at me with her big black eyes, and said, in a low husky sort of Thai-builder’s voice, ‘You buy me drink too’.

Gulp, I think her name was more likely to be Frank, but I didn’t like to refuse.

'More champagne', I shouted, less conviction this time.

So, there we were, me, Moi and our 8 new friends having a great time, Bee squeezing Moi’s breasts while Frank squeezed my arm and leg, growling softly in my ear.

But my they were thirsty girls. Before long they were asking for more. In the meantime, the waiter (who incidentally also wanted a drink) had surreptitiously passed them all blue receipts. So that was the game, they were on commission, the more drinks they got customers to buy for them, the more commission they earned.

We’d had our fill. So bid farewell to our new friends including Li, Bee, Amy, Number 3 and Frank (Number 3 insisted on showing us her/his breasts before we left which I thought was very thoughtful of her/him) and we paid up and tumbled into the street.

I punched the air with glee, another one in my I-Spy book I could tick off.

We poured into a taxi and laughed all the way home thinking up new activities for their menus like:

16. Pussy Ties Shoelaces

17. Pussy Builds A House

18. Pussy MOTs a Van

19. Pussy Discovers The Higgs Bosun

And so on.

We arrived back at hotel. Just one more quick Margarita before we tumbled into bed at exhausted, hot and extremely amused., completely oblivious that we had to be up in 5 hours for the Sky Train and Boat Tour.

(Grandmas – are you still here?)

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Comments

[Sed]

Pussy Does....
Great description well impressed by your bravery but did you get to see Pussy Rainbow thats got me well intrigued :-)

[On The Blog]

Pussy Rainbow
I shudder to think. But actually, looked it up on the Internet and it seems its when the pubic hair is dyed all the colours of the rainbow (phew!)