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Published: February 14th 2012
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6:30am – next day. Beep beep beep beep. Snooze. 9 minutes later. Beep beep beep beep. Snooze. Nurse!
9 minutes later. Beep beep beep beep. Snooze. 9 minutes later. Beep beep beep beep. Shit. NURSE!
Snooze. 9 minutes later. Beep beep beep beep. Aaaargh – we’re late !!! Oh God? What happened last night? Do we have to get out of bed? Can’t we just not go? No, we made such a fuss about getting a new guide. Tablets. Who the hell was Frank? Pussy needs tablets!! What the hell am I talking about? I need the loo. No, I need the loo first. We both need the loo first!!!! NUUURSE !!!!!!!
Surprisingly, we’re only 10 minutes late in the lobby. The new guide (squeeze, yes lady) is brisk and efficient. No nonsense. Chop chop. 20 minute walk to the SkyTrain.
Did we bring the pills? 15 minutes train to the water taxi.
Oh no, I forgot the toilet paper! 20 minutes boat ride to the flower market.
I hope I’m not going to be sick! 15 minute brisk walk to revisit one of the same temples we went to yesterday.
Wat Pho.
Because we said we hadn’t learned anything.
No, Wat Pho.
I just said, because we said we hadn’t learned anything.
Oh no when will it stop, can’t we just go home? Actually, our new guide was really good (it was the customers that were the problem this time). We learned more about Bangkok (sorry, Krung Thep) in the first 5 minutes than we had in the whole of the previous day. We just weren’t at our most . . . . receptive, shall we say.
Oh no, I’ve just thought about Frank again. Did we want to use the toilet before we visited the last temple – Temple of The Dawn (Wat Arun) ?
Yes please.
In Thailand, we have expression for when people go to toilet. For men, we say “shooting the rabbit”. For women, we say “picking the flowers”. You go shoot the rabbit while we pick the flowers.
I didn’t think I should tell her that I wanted to pick the flowers too. Actually, bomb the shit out of the flowers might have been more appropriate.
Aaargh - no toilet paper. (Lucky flowers, poor rabbit).
Pick up the pace. Temple of Dawn. This that and the other. Facts, facts and more facts. Groan. We finished yet? Yes. Good. Taxi straight to bed. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 Baht.
Tomorrow we go on holiday. We’re ready for it. Krabi. Sitting by the pool, relaxing. We could do with a holiday.
Some interesting facts about Thailand The film “The King and I” is banned
They drive on the left in Thailand. (Actually, they drive on the left in Nepal too. I’d say they drive on the left in India, but I think it would be more accurate to just say the steering wheel is on the right of the car). They drive on the right in Cambodia.
Thailand is the only country in the world that uses Buddhist years (taken from the year Buddha died), not Christian years. Today is the 13
th February 2555. We’re actually 543 years in the future!!
Oh no.
Oh God no.
Of course. How could I have been so stupid? It’s obvious now when you know!
They’re not speaking a foreign language at all, they’re speaking English !!! English which
has evolved over last half millennium !!!!
Which means . . . .
Oh no, this isn’t Krung Thep!! it’s London!! It’s London, in the future.
And what’s more, I can understand the monkeys . . . . . . .
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