my sense of wonder

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There is a lot I don't understand.
I don't understand the thanka paintings on the temple walls. They are frightening- Buddhas depicted with snake tongues, sharp fingernails, ivory skulls, wild eyes. Where are the fat, smiling Buddhas with the Santa Claus bellies I see in the west?
I don't understand the spirit of the old woman who spends her days circumambulating a holy site. Each step wracks her body with pain from her sad, 80-year old hips, but she doesn't stop. Her eyes have failed and when she spoke I saw black nubs where teeth should be, but on she walks, only stopping to press her wrinkled brow to the smooth rocks in prayer and devotion. When she asks for money I give the twenty rupees in my pocket but I wish I could just take some of her pain.
I don't understand this old monk, Palden Gyatso. He was a political prisoner for over thirty years and during that time subjected to starvation, betrayal and physical and mental torture. He lost his teeth when an electrical baton was shoved in his mouth. Here he is today, with a set of too-white dentures. Still in a monk's robe with a kind heart that I don't understand. How is it not black with bitter hatred?
I don't understand most of the words that swirl around me, this Eastern language is tangled in my brain and only intense study will allow it to make sense. The jokes go over my head, but I see the eyes wrinkle and the lips pull back in a smile and I can't help but laugh.
I don't understand why when I ask what time to bus leaves to Dharamsala I get told 3 different things by three different people. Do they really not know, do they want to confuse the tourist, or do they not know enough English to explain that nobody can ever really be certain what time any bus leaves to any place?
I don't understand the slow, Indian way of life. How so many days can be spent sitting in the shade, having the same conversations while swatting away the flies and sipping small cups of chai. How twenty people can crowd the road side to watch somebody change a flat tire but nobody sees the dead animals on the street.
I don't understand most of what I see. But I do understand how it makes me feel. Grateful for plentiful life I have and the love I receive daily. It makes me feel curious for the other places in the big, wide world I don't understand. It makes me feel humbled and small, but happy where I stand. It makes me feel like a child who can be entertained by staring out the window or watching life from a street corner. My sense of wonder is renewed and I want to carry it with me for the rest of my days.

I traveled to another Tibetan settlement, Bir. Seeing the culture is a more pure form, with less tourists and modern technologies and fashions, inspired this sense of wonder. And the bud trip, it was about four hours but always an experience. My health is great. There is less than one month left on this trip, a fact that saddens me a bit but also inspires me to really do all that I want to while I'm in this magical place. While writing this I was interrupted by a guest very dear to my heart, the previously mentioned Palden Gyatso. His book Autobiography of a Tibetan monk is an account of his experiences in jail and I read it here and it completely amazed me. But he came to the office and absolutely loves Alaska which he says "Aliaska" He only speaks Tibetan so his words were translated but he took out his dentures and showed me his gums and thanked me for my work, I feel completely renewed. He also invited me to come party in Tibet when it's free! Man, I love this place

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Photos

another thangka
do you understand?

Comments

[momma]

wow
Mar- your writing is like looking at a canvas and having it come alive! Your words paint such a vivid picture. Is this the same monk which we have heard and met in Homer several times? It truly is a small world? I am blown away by your sense of wonder and curosity and the courage you have to follow your quest for each. But yet I can't wait to have a hot cup of chai with you and give you a great big hug and kiss. Until then, I'' love you forever yo momma

[Aunt Diane]

Forever Transformed
Marin, my heart if full of love and admiration for the journey your life is taking you on and the way it is transforming your life. Continue to take in all that this magical, mystical, place has to give you each day. Much you will not understand now, but throughout your life this journey to India will speak to you when you need it. Much Love, Aunt Diane

[zandra davis]

beautiful
habutzi mamma! your words have left mine tangled...and I feel like I have to reply, say something of the beauty, hardships, humanity, and learning that you are experiencing...but all I can say is that your words are beautiful, and that not understanding is all a part of growing and figuring out that we are all so small is this big world! I love you marin..and appreciate everything you are doing! I send the peace I have in my heart, from costa rica, all the way to yours in India!

[Aunt Leslie]

Mari - I love to read your blogs! The sense of wonder you have when you experience the world is wonderful. How neat that you can see the details. Your life awaits for you here too, fish to be caught, friends and family who love you and can't wait to sit around a bonfire hearing your adventures. Make the most of the time you have and know we admire you. xoxo

[Dorle and Rick]

Thank you for sharing, Marin
You write so very beautifully, Marin. Your heartwarming accounts of this adventure are very special. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and for giving us an insight into the Tibetan culture. We can't wait to hear more and share the summer with you. Love, Dorle and Rick