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Published: September 26th 2006
A Hoi An Wedding Ceremony
Seeing as we were having a ‘home-made’ wedding with ingredients from Scotland, Ireland, Vietnam and Pakistan thrown in, we thought we would let you know what was happening on the day. Since we did not have a priest or registrar marrying us, the beach ceremony in the afternoon gave our friends and family a chance to be involved - we like to think that our family and friends were the ones marrying us! Here is how the days progressed... Thanks a million once again to Huma for the fantastic pictures. Click
here to see more of her photography. Unfortunately Huma is nowhere to be seen as she was always behind the camera!
The Sequence of Events Wednesday Morning *After a lovely long breakfast, we started to get ready. Warren left the shower at 9.45am and was still looking for black socks and cufflinks five minutes before deparure. Sofie had two lovely Vietnamese girls working on her hair, flowers and make-up for about two and a half hours. Warren hardly recognised his bride in the foyer at the hotel!
*10.00
First glimpse of the bouquet
It was nice being pampered on the balcony of the room. We had a great view of the river, and the serenity of it really helped me!We left our Hoi An beach resort (the lovely Dong An at Cua Dai beach, Hoi An) by coach to go to the Chinese Commune House (temple) in the Old Town of Hoi An.
*10.15 We made a procession through the streets with 8 children carrying traditional offerings and umbrellas to protect us from the sun (and rain). The locals all stood and marvelled at the scene and waved their congratulations.
*10.30 At the temple we were directed through traditional Buddhist prayers and tradition by a Mr Vinh. We lit incense and candles, made our prayers and were congratulated by our loved ones before the beautiful temple altar.
*11.00 Afterwards we walked the short distance along the river to our wedding boat which was waiting to take us back to the resort. On board we had a cocktail party (which could have been the undoing of some of us…!). It took about an hour and a half to get back to the resort
*12.30 At the resort, Huma, Sofie's sister, organised us into credible permutations and combinations for the photographs which you will see below. The weather was not so kind and the skies were grey
Salim
Sofie's dad enjoys a cuddle with mum Ruby. What a cheeky chappie! but there was little rain and temperatures were pleasant. Winds of 7-8 kmph caressed us from the South.
*After the first part had been documented for posterity we were all free for lunch, beach, and relaxing by the fish-shaped pool.
Wednesday Late Afternoon We had planned to make our way down to the beach around 4.00pm but the weather was not clement. Instead we moved the ceremony to a small wooden, covered bridge over a pond in the lovely hotel gardens. This decision inspired by Brian (thanks!) worked really well and made the whole affair even more intimate.
*4.15pm Ruby (Sofie's mum and Warren's current mother-in-law) presented Warren, friends and family with flower garlands in the traditional way of India and Pakistan. It was a chance for people to ask Warren if he was nervous and whether he had worked out the escape routes or not. Also a beauticul hand-made wedding book was available for everyone to sign.
*At 4.30pm Salim (Sofie's dad) led his daughter onto the bridge to the lovely sounds of Sigur Ros. Ruby (Sofie's mum and Warren's current mother-in-law) had already presented Warren, friends and family with flower
garlands in the traditional way of India and Pakistan. It was also the perfect occasion for people to ask Warren if he was nervous and whether he had worked out the escape routes or not! Also the beauticul hand-made wedding book was there for everyone to sign.
*When Sofie arrived on the bridge there were some minutes of Sigur Ros to sway through and this time was used by Ruby to welcome her daughter and for Warren and Sofie to welcome those assembled.
*Sharon was appointed Mistress of Ceremonies and she invited people to read a piece of literature or a poem, to sing or to speak from the heart. Sharon, Joyce, Ciara and Huma did readings, and if there were any dry eyes left after Yeats, Gibran et al, Niamh and Sandrine, singing their Scottish and French songs respectively, made tears inevitable.
Here are the readings taken from well known literature and poetry:
From "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams (read by Warren’s sister, Ciara) "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
From "Gift From The Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (read by Warren’s sister, Joyce) When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
An excerpt from "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibrain (read by Sofie’s sister, Huma)
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
"He Wishes For Cloths of Heaven" by W B Yeats (read by Warren’s sister, Sharon) Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
*Warren and Sofie then took turns to speak and exchange vows and rings. The vows were as follows:
Our Vows Today we join with our family and friends as witnesses as we begin a new
chapter in our life together.
I promise to be true to you as a constant friend, lover and faithful partner.
I accept you unconditionally, I will never try to change you, and I will
always hold you in the highest regard.
I will work with you to create a home, a family and a life together.
I promise to share your dreams and encourage you in all the things that
you give your heart to.
I will inspire you, laugh with you and share all your joys.
I will always try to be understanding, listen to you, and trust in you
completely.
I will allow you the space to continue to grow and be your own person.
When the world makes you sad, disappointed or anxious, my love will be
there as a sanctuary for you.
I promise to love and care for your family: Jimmy, Kay, Sharon, Joyce,
Ciara, Orlaith and Elaine / Salim, Ruby and Huma. From this day they are one
family with mine.
These promises I give to you today and all the days of our life.
Please accept this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment for you.
Sofie / Warren, will you be my wife / husband?
*Sofie did manage to get the ring on Warren's proper hand after one false start but we laughed that off and after the incense that wouldn't stand up, candles that kept blowing out, child-born umbrellas that insisted on smacking us in the head and clouds that continued to pepper us with rain the newly-weds took it in their strides.
*We then lit a single ‘unity’ candle. Well, at least we tried to light it. Whether by a pesky wick or a too-strong breeze we were foiled.
*At that moment, on the count of one-two-three we were pronounced man and wife by those who had come to see us married:
*We had our first kiss.
*After we were congratulated in turn by our friends and families we walked off the bridge
The love boat
The staff at the resort did a lovely job of decorating the boat. We had a cocktail party on board after the ceremony at the Pagoda. side-by-side and were pelted with flower petals (another touch from Pakistan).
*After this there were more photo opportunities. We were tosated with champagne.
Then the games really began.....
A Post-Script
The next morning after all the wedding celebrations were over (and a few of the guests were going around in dark glasses) we had reason to celebrate again. Tommy asked Sharon to marry him - and of course she accepted! It was the perfect end to one wedding knowing that we have another McAree wedding to look forward to. We wonder where the next exotic wedding location will be? Watch this space…
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WazzaSof
Warren & Sofie
After that, it feels like I was there too
It looked absolutly amAZing. You look beautiful Sofie. Warren you scrubbed up nicely too. Again, wish I could have been there. Like the readings. Talk to you both soon. Orlaith