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Published: March 9th 2014
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The Singapore to Kuala Lumpur Flyer
An excellent method of transport if you can put up with being viciously harangued by tiny, ancient Chinese toilet attendants. Our morning transfer from Singapore to Malaysia got off to
an unexpected and slightly disconcerting start. The coach station wasn’t in the
most salubrious part of town and the dust and diesel fumes mixed with the
searing heat to create a choking, clawing combination. We were quietly waiting
with our bags for the bus to arrive, casually observing a tiny, frail old
Chinese lady. She looked like she may well have been born in the 1800’s and was
crouched over a money box collecting a few cents from people wanting to use the
rather decrepit washrooms.
All of a sudden and in garbled Mandarin, she started to rant and
rave in my direction - it was obvious she’d taken a real dislike to me (not
surprising in itself I know but it normally takes people a bit longer than this to get to despise me!!). A reasonable sized crowd of women had gathered round and found this
unbelievably hilarious. For reasons totally unknown to me, I’d become the
centre of attention and not in a good way either. In between their fits of
laughter the ladies explained our ancient, hunch backed waif of a toilet
attendant wanted me to pay
Jonker Street, Melaka
The main thoroughfare of this UNESCO World Heritage city. It leads eventually to that well known centre of entertainment excellence - the Town Hall Square................. her 10 cents and use her facilities. It was a relief
when the bus finally arrived and I dived on it as quickly as possible with
unintelligible but probably not very nice insults still be hurled at me from
the distance. Very strange………………….
Things got better from then on and the Singapore – Kuala
Lumpur Express proved a comfortable and enjoyable way to transfer over the Straits
of Johor and into Melaka, Malaysia. This is a town I was totally unfamiliar
with prior to our arrival which really did demonstrate
my lack of knowledge
(Melaka knowledge……..my lack of…….oh forget it!). Anyway, Melaka is a very
beautiful, diverse town built up around its peaceful river and was awarded
UNESCO World Heritage status in 2008. Along with the obvious Malay, Indian and
Chinese influences it has, over the centuries, also been governed by the
Portuguese, Dutch and (of course!!) the British.
This rich and colourful history has created a unique
environment full of variety and exhibited in its people, languages and its
architecture. Walking the streets proved fascinating as all races and religions
are tolerated here, each one putting its individual stamp on the town. Crisp,
white painted catholic churches
Tall, Handsome and Naturally Well Muscled
The punchline is way, way too obvious so I'll leave it there!!
Melaka is packed full of interesting cultural attractions.
This isn't one of them. sit happily next to wonderfully decorated Hindu
temples and intricately detailed mosques.
The food is unique too and this area of Malaysia is known
for its nyonya cuisine. This is an ancient Malay cooking method which uses
techniques and ingredients not found anywhere else. By way of an example, we
tried a Nyonya favourite called ayam buah keluak – a deliciously rich chicken
stew which was just amazing. It was a bit off putting that the description in
the menu explained it included an ingredient called pangium edulewhich contains
hydrogen
cyanide and is deadly poisonous if consumed without prior
preparation!! Its seeds are first boiled and then buried in ash, banana leaves
and earth for forty days. This is supposedly how the cyanide is removed and,
judging by the fact we loved the dish and I’m still able to type this, it seems
a successful cleansing method.
Sunday is the happening day in Downtown Melaka and, from
what we witnessed, also the time they let the lunatics out of the local asylum
for a night on the tiles. Everything started off normally enough with us
wandering through the busy evening market on Jonker Street and eventually
finding ourselves in
Malaysia's Got Talent
It's just a pity none of it was anywhere near the stage for the town's weekly karaoke night. the midst of a musical event on the town hall square.
I use the words “musical event” loosely because this was as
surreal as it gets. Rows and rows of onlookers seated on plastic chairs watched
karaoke performers on a stage which was sponsored by Mr Potato and fully
bedecked in Manchester United colours. To a man (or woman), they were truly
awful. Imagine Les Dawson playing obscure Far Eastern country and western b
sides whilst first round Malaysian X Factor failures caterwauled along to them.
Angela and I watched on in shock as each volunteer climbed onto the stage,
screeched for three minutes and then walked off to complete and utter
tumbleweed silence. A 25 foot Wayne Rooney looked down on them from the stage backdrop
and, even though it was only a photo, he looked truly nonplussed too…….
Getting around Malaysia by bus is proving really easy to do
and is great fun too. Our tickets for the two hour journey up to Kuala Lumpur
cost only £2.60 and, although almost all of this country appears to be covered
in thick jungle, the coaches are really comfortable and the roads excellent.
Once we hit the city
The Petronas Towers
KL's most famous landmark and the most popular with tourists.
Not as popular with its window cleaners though for some reason though, this excellence ground to an abrupt, grating halt
– downtown Kuala Lumpur traffic doesn’t move much at all…………
I’ve had two (yes, two!!) business ideas whilst we’ve been
here. One is for a Shazam type app for languages – simply select the country
you’re in, speak into your device and it will translate immediately and out
loud. This would have saved lots of misunderstandings and patents are currently
being prepared. A more immediate and obvious business though would be one that
mends taxi meters; I kid you not when I say every single one in KL is broken.
Hail a cab, tell the driver you want to be on the meter and then prepare for an
Oscar winning performance as they explain it’s just gone out of order. The
truth is the traffic is so horrendous they don’t feel the metered fare is
adequate and want to negotiate outside of this, taking into consideration
market forces e.g. how busy the roads are, how hot it is, how many bags you
have etc.
Luckily, our hotel has a free shuttle bus which we’ve used a
lot. We’re staying in the Doubletree by Hilton and, because it was our
Our 34th Floor Heaven
The KL Doubletree proved to be the icing on the cake of our 20th Wedding Anniversary.
A great hotel, some wonderful gestures and two hours of free wines and cocktails every night.
Apparently the Executive Lounge is now off limits to anyone from the Greater Manchester area as it costs them too much. 20
th wedding anniversary whilst we were here, they’ve treated us like royalty. On
arrival we were whisked up to the 34
th floor Priority Check In and
told we’d been upgraded to a suite. Chocolates and fresh strawberries awaited
us in the room and the bed adorned with rose petals in a heart shape. That was
all very nice but the best bit was, as a result of the upgrade, we were able to
use the Executive Lounge which has superb views across the city and onto the
Petronas Towers. Every night it provided cocktails free of charge between
5.30pm and 7.30pm and every night, we took full advantage of this ;-)
KL itself sits in the Klang Valley is a relatively new city,
only formed in the 1850’s. It is the capital of Malaysia and home to around 1.7
million people (44%!M(MISSING)alays, 43%!C(MISSING)hinese and the rest mainly Indian). Its most
famous icon are the Petronas Towers which, at 88 stories each, are the tallest
twin buildings in the world (they were the tallest of any building until 2004
but then Taipei went bigger). You can pay to go up to the top but, at £16 a
pop,
Jalan Alor Hawker Markets
We shared barbecued lobster with chilli and garlic and two ice cold Tiger beers to wash it down with - all very, very cheap too.
Life's good!! we contented ourselves with craning our necks and enjoying the ground up
view.
After three days of exploring KL on foot, the time has now come for us to move on. I’m typing this as we wait for our next coach transfer further north and up to the island of Penang. Rather than a dusty, run down bus
station, this one departs from a smart hotel lobby in the city. As yet, no-one
has taken a dislike to me nor is there any ranting or insults being shouted at
me.
There’s still 35 more minutes before the coach leaves though………………….
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MR KAY
OLIVER KAY
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Hello fellow travellers of Asia. Loving the blog (as always) and we've 'warmed' Koh Samui up for you nicely ! Having spent a week on Samui, we're currently in Koh Phangan and would definitely recommend a visit here - particularly to the Anantara Hotel - basic, tropical and laid back like Thailand should be. Enjoy the rest of your travels and keep the stories coming. Catch up soon. Laa gon krap. Ol & Lisa PS. Laab Gai is the future (if you didn't already know).