Making New Friends In George Town

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I attract idiots.

There's no question about it now. I was pretty sure this was the case back in the UK but, even though still not far into it, this trip has confirmed it beyond doubt.

Take yesterday for example, fate conspired to put not one but two such characters into my life and that can’t be a coincidence. One was a Malaysian Walter Mitty who we got behind in a supermarket queue when we were buying bananas and yoghurt for our breakfast (I know…….but remember, this is the ACDC World Tour and that's just the way we roll ;-). The young guy in front of us seemed normal enough at first but, by the time we'd bagged up and paid, let's just say we didn't hang around to chat to him anymore.

He wasn't a great listener and, in the three minutes we were checking out together, he’d divulged he was born in Malaysia, his dad was in the SAS, he himself had failed his trial for the SAS by collapsing on Dartmoor, he'd lived in China, Australia and, amongst many other places, England (when I asked him whereabouts in England, he said Wales!). Indeed, if you added up how long he said he'd lived in each of these places it made him about sixty when he was thirty at most. In a surreal twist, all his credit and debit cards were then declined and the lady behind us in the queue offered to pay for his £40 of groceries. She didn't know him from Adam but said it had happened to her once and just wanted to help!

It's no surprise the idiot number two appeared at a bus station. As you may read, I've already had an unsavoury experience at one such place in Singapore and it must be a general rule that this is the type of location to hang out if you're a complete fruit loop. We wanted to find out which bus went to the racecourse and I knew the second I asked I'd picked the wrong person. With hindsight, a completely toothless, bald, unshaven and unkempt old bloke in a garish Hawaiian shirt wasn't a great choice. He had absolutely no idea about the answer to my question but we simply could not get rid of him. He proceeded to ask everyone else around the station, dragged me onto an unrelated bus to ask the driver and kept an unnervingly firm grip of my elbow at all times. He was pretty strong for an old bloke, I can tell you.

Eventually, I managed to break free and hot footed it back to Angela who had sensibly distanced herself from this melee. Her words of "he's still following you" made me shudder with dismay and I looked over my shoulder to see him approaching at pace, maniacal grin plastered across his face. We dashed off, dodging into a tiny travel shop in the station itself for refuge. Didn't stop him though, he wrestled with the patio door I'd slid shut when we got into the booth; luckily my grip was stronger than his and he eventually shuffled off muttering under his breath.

We'd chosen a company called Aeroline for our five hour journey from Kuala Lumpur up to Penang and it turned out to be a great decision. Although a coach service, they pride themselves on providing a flight type experience with full meal service, latest films, big reclining seats etc. There’s even a business lounge on the lower deck along with the bathroom facilities. I should have grown out of this kind of thing by now but I was really tickled when I read their online FAQ’s. I quote “be reminded the washroom is meant for a short relief and should you require a longer usage i.e. defecation, please ask the driver”!!.

Now asking that, in front of all those other passengers, would be embarrassing. Imagine if he was hard of hearing and you had to shout over the engine noise to establish your requirements……….thankfully this journey passed off a lot more smoothly than the last one and we arrived at our destination in good spirits and bang on time.

Penang is known as The Pearl of the Orient and its economy has a healthy blend of industry and tourism. We’ve done a fair amount of beachside stays so far this trip so decided to position ourselves in its capital city, George Town, rather than one of the nearby resorts.

This proved the right thing to do as George Town, as well as being a large working city, is an interesting, historic place and another UNESCO World Heritage site. Named after the British King, George III, it was founded in 1786 by Captain Francis Light, a trader for the British East India Company. It was then used as a base for the company in the Malay States and they built Fort Cornwallis on the north-eastern corner of the island for defence purposes. It is home to around 720,000 people and has over 1700 protected buildings within it.

I never miss an opportunity to put my size 11’s in it and Penang Races gave me yet another chance to prove my excellence in this area. The races are very infrequent in Penang and I casually remarked to my Travel Advisor what a fortuitous and happy coincidence they were on during our stay. Cue black looks from Angela who’d spent hours rejigging and replanning our itinerary so we could attend them - ahem ;-).

To get there, we took a taxi to the edge of George Town and were slightly underwhelmed by the racecourse itself which, in football ground terms, was much more non-league than Premier League. To be fair, we did only pay £1 entry each for the locals stand rather than the £4 tourist one which had air conditioning, high viewing areas, comfy seats etc. Our £1 bought a lot less but certainly made for a more interesting experience………….

Picture a full scale riot from a Mad Max style prison and you won’t be far off. Thousands of scruffy locals packed the stark, crumbling stands, hemmed in from the course itself by thick steel bars and then a large drop onto concrete. Having a strong cigarette spewing out acrid smoke from the corner of your mouth was apparently compulsory, as was continually spitting, sweating heavily and shouting loudly for no apparent reason. As a result of this, we unsurprisingly chose to spend all our time outside in the blazing sun in a decrepit stand totally deserted except for us two. (In fact, it was only as we were leaving we saw the sign saying the stand was closed for repair and to stay out!).

A bigger surprise than the sorry state of the course though was that I managed to back the first winner of the day (no, honestly, I did!!). This was a massive achievement not only as I had to go through the most unintelligible race card form you could imagine (you needed the IQ of Stephen Hawking and to have a decent grasp of the Malay language) but you also had to be able to get a bet on in the first place.

In the UK this is easy. You walk up to a bookie, give him the horses name / number and your money - you’re good to go. Here you had to tentatively re-enter the Mad Max jail, squeeze through the perspiring crush whilst passively smoking the equivalent of 20 Woodbines and constantly apologising for treading on everyones toes. Eventually you reach the front of the queue to bet and that’s when the fun starts.

I need to expedite my Shazam for Languages app as it was very much needed here. Trying to put 20 ringits (the equivalent of £4 - big time I know but were on a budget!) on horse number 1 to win wasn’t as easy as it should have been. The betting booth’s tiny window was completely opaque due to all the smoke meaning I could hardly see the tiny tote lady on the other side of the glass. Because everyone's little here, I was squatting pretty much on my knees to get to the same level as her whilst pointing at Number 1 in the racecard and trying hard to communicate the wager.

Eventually, and much to the chagrin of the long queue of inpatient punters who’d now gathered behind me, I somehow got the bet on. As I mentioned, my horse went on to win quite easily and led me to believe my selection method had a bright future; some how I'd cracked the code of how to make money at Malaysian racing and our financial future was secured. This technique was used for three other races and picked out horses all of which finished considerably nearer last than first............back to the drawing board!

I was pleased when it was me who figured out about how the street signs work here rather than Map Girl doing it as usual. As George Town was founded by the British, many of the road names reflect things from back home such as Buckingham, Campbell, Queen etc. They are prefixed with either Jalan or Lebuh and I felt very proud of myself when I worked out Jalan is Malay for street and Lebuh the word for road. This smug feeling didn't last long when I casually remarked on how many streets called Jalan Sehala there were, loads all over town in fact. I'm not sure if the look I got was one of pity, disbelief or contempt when Angela pointed out Sehala means “one way”!! Note to self – leave things like this to Map Girl in future………….

Time to move on again now. It’s a relief that, on this occasion, there will be no bus stations, idiots (leave it!!) or downstairs coach washrooms involved. There is a concern though as we have a three hour ferry ride to our next destination of Langkawi and my travel partner is prone to sea sickness....

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Photos

George Town is Packed History
But there's still always time for a quick selfie!!

On The Beach Penang Style
We opted to stay in the city itself but our hotel offered us complimentary use of their resort based sister hotels. A couple of days by the beach it is then!

Comfort And Quality In Coach Class
Aerolines provided a comfortable and quality service for the five hour trip from KL up to Penang.
It's important, however, to ensure you're comfortable before you set off........

Fort Cornwallis
Built by the British in the late 1700's to protect George Town from marauding pirates.
An example of marauding pirates would be, for example, the British.......

100% Success Rate
Sadly it went downhill betting wise after Race 1. Still, we enjoyed it whilst it lasted.

The Clan Jetties
These form a complete floating village on the waters around George Town and were built by Chinese immigrants in the mid 1800's.
One of the seven was destroyed by fire but they're still inhabited and form part of the city's living heritage.

Historic George Town
Like much of Malaysia, there is a really diverse mix of people and religions in the city. All have contributed greatly to its development and it's 1700 buildings of historical interest.

An Oyster Omelette Expert
George Town is renowned for its food and I promise you that this dish tastes a lot better than it sounds.
This chap displays photos of him and Anthony Bourdain partaking in his celebrated speciality.