My Theory and Thoughts on Personal Space

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Ok I have a theory. I think that India is a land of dehydrated women! The reason is two fold- first there is really no decent safe water to drink other than water that is purchased, any local “government” supplied water generally travels via pipes that leak rendering the water dirty when it arrives. The other reason is there is absolutely nowhere to use a toilet other than a private home or restaurant. Many women have yellow whites in their eyes - a sign that the liver is not flushing properly. This is my theory - who knows if it is true.

I spent a “painful” day out at one of the older girls’ home. To protect the girl, I will change her name to Sara. She has an apartment nearby that which is subsidized by Child Haven as she and her sister are completing their studies at university. She shares the 2 bedroom home with her sister and two brothers, who are also children of Child Haven International (CHI). Her older brother works and also chips in on the rent. I respect CHI for having the foresight to provide housing as integration to society for them. She is learning to cook and take responsibility for bills and food costs. It was very comfortable home despite the fact that it did not have a single piece of furniture! Floor mats, blankets and a TV were the only “furniture” along with two built in wall cabinets and shelves. As I was the guest of honour, she prepared a special meal for me- chicken and rice briyani a Hyderabad specialty. Well the day prior I watched in the market how they process chicken- totally unhygienic, slitting of the throat and hot/cold immersion to remove the feathers. The cutting board looked like it hadn’t been washed - ever. I was afraid to offend her by not eating it, so I put on a brave face (and stomach) and dug into the most delicious curry I have ever tasted. I tried hard not to think about how the chicken arrived - plastic bag dropped off by her brother. At least I know it was fresh, as they don’t own a fridge. Coupled with the meal, we watched Telgu bollywood style movies full blast on a 14” colour TV - oh my gosh - my head was aching after 4 hours. Glad to say it’s been two days and I was not sick from the meal. No more meat for me while I am in India. It’s a rule of CHI to respect a totally vegetarian diet. I am sticking to it here on in.

Sara arrived at CHI at the age of 7 she is now 22. She has a degree in biotech and is bright and beautiful. She told me the story of her life which is quite sad. Her mother was married off to her father through arranged marriage. He was a fairly prominent man in the community with a house and farm, buffalo and goats. What started out with what should have been a great life, turned miserable. Her father squandered away the entire family assets, land and home by drinking and gambling throughout his life. They lost it all. He became a disgrace in the village and forced the family to move. He also frequently beat her mother and Sara teared up as she told me the story when she was very young he came home mad and drunk and demanded her mother and brother go out to find a buffalo that he lost in the fields - it was the middle of the night. A time when every creepy crawler comes out. Sara and her sister sat home and cried while he ranted the night away. Thank god for an uncle who was a “graduate” of Child Haven. He took the children from this terrible life and brought them to the orphanage. Sara thanks god every day- even though she is not religious. She realizes how lucky she is/was. Her mother now works in Kuwait as a house/car cleaner - a tough life that earns her approximately double what she would earn in India - a whopping $200 per month. Her mother is saving to build a small one room house and saving for the dowry for her two girls. Each dowry will be approximately $4000. That’s a lot of saving to be done.
It’s amazing to me, but the children in the orphanage really do not have a sense of responsibility - not like we raise our children to have. Daily we deal with lost plates, no cups for soya milk, and forget about keeping a water bottle. Despite me taking a sharpie pen and writing their names on their bottles, they disappear. Reminds me of a favourite piece of poetry:

Where do they go,
The people who sail into our lives
Like green leaves
And disappear
Like snow

Replace people with “stuff” here at Child Haven. Typically it is the smaller children < the age of 12 who lose stuff as they are not assigned a box in which to keep their personal property. Simple things we take for granted like a nice bracelet, hair clips go missing daily. I’ve given up fussing when I give the girls clips and turn around 2 days later and they're lost. The record is by a 4yr old. I gave her clips for her birthday and saw her playing 2hrs later and she had lost them. Same goes for personal boundaries, the children young and old have zero concept of privacy or personal space. There is virtually nowhere in the home for them to just go and sit quietly to read or write. Guess it fits Indian culture where 1.2B people jostle for space in a country three times smaller than Canada.

Three times yesterday I asserted myself to define my space. Once in the bank where this heavyset woman behind me kept shoving (we were in the ladies line which sometimes is a blessing for the "opps sorry madam" didn’t mean to brush your breast for the 3rd time!) the second time was a young boy on scooter who was adamant he was not going to wait to let me cross the street despite the fact that he easily could have gone around me from behind. I just kept walking and stood in front of him, staring him down with eyes that sliced right through him. Finally a really arrogant man thought he could cut in front of me at the grocery store, despite the fact that the clerk had started to process my order and I had been waiting in line for a couple minutes. I just took his items that he plucked down right in front of me and “gently” moved them behind my basket and said "no I have been waiting." Even if he did not understand English, he totally understood me. I think he might have understood, as he was young, urban and obviously had some money as he was buying big Cadbury chocolate bars and Dove shampoo - not normal items for most people. That’s life here if you want to move things along. I don’t even want to tell my story of the train line where I was the only woman….finally a nice older man who spoke perfect English helped me out.

I am off to Hampi for 4 days leaving next Monday October 11th. Overnight train journey. I am looking forward to talking to fellow travelers and having some adult conversation.

Cultural Observation - Compared to men in North American, the men in India are very touchy. It is not uncommon to see two boys holding hands walking down the street or drapped over each other watching TV. This in America would be deemed gay, here deemed normal.

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Photos

Personal Space
The boxes that are assigned to each of the older children. Safe and locked.

My room
A comfortable room with a bed and mattress - the children sleep on the floor.

I am so in love with this family
Mounika, Madhavi and Sai Kumar leave the home for a holiday with their Uncle.

A pot of curry
Such yummy food here.

Buying flowers from the ladies in the market
Every time I journey to town, I buy flowers for my hair, for the small temple here and for an older girl (30yrs) who will spend the rest of her life her.

Public toilet
The only public toilet I have seen too bad it is on a busy street with no shops or sidewalks. Not sure why it is built where it is, other then it is big bend in the road and probably not great real estate for a store! Every time I pass here, I see men urinating outside. Guess they are close.

Hanging out witht the girls
My first time wearing a saree (sari). Not sure I like them.

Comments

[Lane]

Great stuff!
I've seen those eyes you were talking about.