Melting the frozen core

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Live forever-Oasis

'For one moment, while she looked at him in her love and mirth, he saw the absurdity of the Tragedian. For one moment he did not at all misunderstand her laughter: he too must once have known that no people find each other more absurd than lovers.' The Great Divorce


A few days ago, I bathed in solitude. Both litteraly and poeticaly.
I fully dived in. I think the english langage has an important point where it makes a difference between being alone and being lonely. One does not necessarily mean the other.
Some people say that you can’t truly love someone else without loving yourself first, or being comfortable alone first, if you want. It is not true. You can truly make something the wrong way, but it still comes from the bottom of your heart. It is not healthy, and lacks a certain logic, but it is possible, I am the living proof.
There is no right or wrong in love, there’s just the feeling and all those crooked or fluffy things you want to add to it. That’s when it gets spoiled, that’s when it mutate to the monster some people make of it. The feeling itself is raw and untamable.
Where it comes from is pretty discutable, but from my point of view it’s all about energy compatibility and soul communication. You have to recognize that it makes you feel right, that you want to maintain this feeling or relation because it goes with who you are, what you want your world to be like.
Friendship is to me the purest and strongest form of love. The one I am the most amazed to see growing with time and the most tearful thing to loose. I am willing to fight for it, willing to forgive and forget anything for it. I’ve done it and will do it again.
I have made friends in uncommonly places, can count on all kind of people if ever I need help and know some of those would never get along with some other people I hold dear. Some of them have big flaws, some of them can treat me like shit on some occasions, others keep ln trying to ‘help me’ in he worst kind of way…
But lately, I have savoured the time to have a thought for each and every person that make my life what it is and where it’s been. I am amazed by all the wonderful people that I can call friend in my life. I do not completely get why all of those extraordinary people put on with my weirdness and all of what is me, but I am certainly thankful for it.
I know nothing of it comes from luck, the choices that I have made are what took me to meet all of them, the person I am is what keeps them around, the energy that I exult is what keeps them calling, caring.
This brought me to the conclusion that I must be one hell of a girl to have all of those lovely wonders around me.
I am not ashamed of myself anymore, this is new. I am awkward and shy, yes, but that’s just me. The fact that I am writhing here things that have been tangled in my brain for so long is a bigger step for me than I could have imagined. For sure I love it, it allows me to finally put words on feelings and paint the portrait I had in my head. It also teaches me to share. Take my time and have a space that is completely and utterly mine that people can visit if they like, I don’t really mind if they do.
I am starting to see, starting to appreciate what I can be. Little by little, I am starting to recognize my strengths more than my flaws, I could never have said that before last month. I am not putting myself down anymore, because there is something really wrong in not applying to yourself what you preach to others.
It is a work in progress. I do find exercises that I try to put to work every day, I present to strangers a person that is not altered by what I think they want to see anymore; they’ll just have to deal with me.
For one thing that I realized this week: I’m a funny and energetic girl. So here’s to me and spending sometime with that gal my wonderful friends won’t stop talking to me about.


Dan in the den-Bastilles

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Photos

Limitless
I was suppose to leave the South Jenny Lake area two days ago, but one of my problems in life (that is not a real bad thing) is that I can't say no to a interesting looking trail. Like the one that was name Alaskan Basin Sunset Trail. I mean come on. It was to far for that day, but it is still there, in the back of my head. Wyoming is a beautiful state made for hikers and bikers. You can actually feel everyone's soul growing as tall as the highest peeks while just looking at them. A trail leads to another, a reflexion to a realisation, a adventure to a lifestyle.

I am having trouble keeping my eyes on the road
There is so much that I would like to share with so many people. I feel loved every step of the way and I cant word how much it lifts my soul. This is the best decision I have ever taken, and yet, it feels like it is the one taking me the fartest I have ever been from everything I know, from everything I thought unchangeable.
Every time I think about my new blog entry, a part of it pops in my mind and it never ends like I intended it to. Well, well.

Sempiternal
That won't change and is unaffected by time. Anytime I get lost in the wilderness I get the feeling ever stronger that we dare take this world as ours and that the nature somehow bends to our boundaries. It is like setting limits to a soul our trying to put rules on feelings. Who are we to say when it is okay or not for one to end it's life? Who can dare pretend that there are rules to affection, the gender does matter?
Just like the mountains are set afire every night by a source billions of miles away, but hnchanged, only enlighten by it, we have to learn to let our core be untammed, but shine through our learnings, scares and differences.

Comments

[gorneval]

Care for the core
I don't think the core was ever frozen. I might have seen a icy carapace, though, once... hiding, protecting mighty seeds of wonderful treasures. Rather than meting the core, you just found the right light to shine on those depths, and unravel the glory you're meant to be... Love to read you, sister :)