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Published: September 21st 2008
Tulips at Pike Place Market
Providing a splash of color on an otherwise grey day. Spring is finally here! Birds chirping, sun peaking through the cloud layer. The city is alive again. We are alive again. Almost. I'm trying to be optimistic.
It's been a difficult adjustment these past few months settling back down into a routine, but as the weather warms and the greying sidewalks and street corners become swathed in the colorful patina of spring, our senses are once again aroused--awakened into a rebirth of discovery with an entirely new landscape at our fingertips to explore. I had desperately hoped that after last summer we would return to the "daily grind" with a enlightened sense of purpose and poise, certain that we would never again waste a free afternoon in front of the television, or a sunny day lounging around indoors. I hoped we'd make the most of every minute and every second we had, but I was worried that old habits and laziness would set it. Man oh man did I hit the nail on the head with that one.
With the exception of a few random moments of excitement we have been utterly and absolutely miserable since we moved here. In many aspects I think we're rather justified. First and
Raina in our Apartment
Watching the water drops drip across the window-pane, starting out on another rainy Seattle afternoon. foremost, we moved out here for schooling and continuing our education. We both thought the University of Washington would be a great for us to advance our knowledge so I didn't hesitate about applying for graduate school out here and had heard pretty good things about the relatively competitive nature of the program and internship. Sadly, it turned out to be a complete disappointment. Not even my supposed mentors could hide their obvious resentment towards their chosen careers.
Never before in my life have I considered the brief instance between waking up and realizing where I was the best part of the day. The moment reality hits, it hits like a ton of bricks. I have literally been having to force myself to move through each day and at times when I'm wandering the halls of the hospital between one ICU and the next my legs feel heavy and leaden, as though I could just sit right there in the hallway and stare out and not move because all I'm thinking is "Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Would anyone notice if I left?" As evidenced by my being paged for rec's I've left in the
Tree on the Block
Blooming seemingly overnight after a few days of sunshine. chart several days ago (notes that clearly went un-noticed) probably not. Maybe it's just as much me as it is the department. Maybe I was too quick to pursue a field because it had a career-label rather than because I truly enjoyed it just because I was tired of being asked "What are you going to do with your life if you study
that?"
But I have to think that it's not just that because Andras is miserable too. His sails have deflated quicker than .... well, I'm not a sailor, I don't have a good analogy. They have deflated quicker than sails in a sail deflating wind. Point being we're both suffering from a tremendous lack of motivation. A rather serious case of PTSD - post-traveling stress disorder. Heavily reminiscing about the past without being able to think ahead to the future. Weren't things great
back then. I wish I could be on the road
right now. Wanting to travel to go no where in particular, but really more to get away from here. Why are we settling down if we're not happy?
On days when I'm not working (to think I'm paying for the pleasure of
Daffodils
Blooming in a downtown park by the waterfront. interning 40 hrs/wk) I'd just as soon bury myself inside the apartment and hide from the world, which is strange considering that what I really truly yearn to do is be out in it! But I don't have the energy. I thought maybe a bit of travel-blogging would give me the push outdoors that I need. Take a little bit of inspiration from other folks and maybe force myself into believing that Seattle isn't a bad place, we just happen to be having a bad time while we're here. Purely coincidence.
And that's got me thinking that traveling isn't an action, it's a frame of mind. Curiosity. Inquisition (of the inquisitive variety, not the Spanish sort). Carefree enjoyment. Creative exploration. The desire to see as much as I can of any one destination, to get out and enjoy all the unique sensory experiences that turn a location on a map into a
place worth visiting. All things I do when I'm "traveling," so why aren't I doing them here? Good question. I don't have a good answer.
I should do something about that. Today. No more excuses.
It hasn't helped that this year has been exceptionally cold,
Seattle Neighborhood Street
The block outside our apartment in Lower Queen Anne dark and dreary. It's a bit of an exaggeration that it rains all the time in Seattle. Typically it hardly rains at all for most days, it's just that it's usually overcast and cloudy from November through March. By now one can usually get outside and start enjoying the fields of flowers and the foothills of the mountains with a few layers for warmth, but this year it decided to snow in April, delaying the tulip and daffodil festivals I'd had marked on my calendar for ages to the point that it's just not worth going anymore.
But today, today was a beautiful sunny day so I took my camera around the block snapping away at anything that caught my eye -- strolling up to Kerry Park for some Seattle panoramas and walking down to Pike Place Market for my flower fix. Oh yes, I guess I should mention we did settle down into a apartment downtown, in the lovely lower Queen Anne neighborhood. It's just a few minutes by bus or foot downtown or to the waterfront. And we got a cat. Raina, our little devilish darling. She happens to love to bat on raindrops dripping down the
Flowers at Pike Place
Doing their darndest to bloom despite the freezing weather. windows on those grey dull days. At least one us is entertained. We signed the lease the first day it was shown on the first day of our apartment search. Impulsive I know, but we were both so excited about it then, excited about Seattle, excited about everything! Now the walls seem to close in around us and yet nothing has changed but our perspective. That right there should tell us something.
So more than a blog about what we've done in Seattle, this is more an account of all that we have
left to do. Which is pretty much everything there possibly is to do out here since we've done absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch.
If I am to assume the identity of "traveler", as I am wont to do, I should be able to maintain that level of foray into the great undiscovered whether I'm on the move or not. Here's to seeing that achieved.
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Jennifer
non-member comment
thanks for the pictures
You may not be on the road, but Seattle is so full of life that each day in its midst is a gift. Thank you for realizing that and sharing your pictures. I've been there in the fall and the spring, and it is equisite. I know how the overcast weather can get you down, since I lived in Pittsburgh for a while. I also lived in northern Japan where it rained all summer so I sponge painted my ceilings blue like floating clouds and painted the walls yellow. One wall, I painted feaux bricks on. My husband made a little awning that came out of the wall, and we put a bistro table in the middle of the room. I made an indoor window box, and it was perpetually spring. Cheer up Charlie...if you're working in the hospital, you're doing God's work and God notices EVERYTHING :)