The first steps

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I wish packing wasn't so hard to do. Packing shines a light on almost all of the bad qualities that exist in Lizzz. Such as procrastination and disorganization. When I pack I get so overwhelmed that all of a sudden the smallest tasks are unsurmountable. For the life of me I could not do simple things like throw out small nearly empty bottles of lotion and holey socks with no friend and when forced to make a choice of throwing these things away or keeping them I buckle and tearfuly toss them in with everything else that I should throw away but wont....because honestly, asking me to make choices like that is asking too much.

Yesterday I moved out of Olympia, Washington. For about a half hour almost all of my most loved lovies stood outside enjoying the sunshine and waiting for me to leave. It reminded me of when I was a child and we were getting ready to leave for the airport after visiting Lake Manatah in Indiana. My whole family had just spent a week swimming for hours in the bacteria infested waters, gorged ourselves on my cousins fresh corn, and slurped up rootbeer floats from the soda fountain in the neighbors kitchen. Now here we were dutifully standing out in the gravel parking area not doing anything really....just waiting to say goodbye. Yesterday while I was loading up my car and Lew's truck the people I cared about were standing by and waiting. Waiting to say goodbye.

And now here I find myself trying to make those tough choices I couldnt make the first time. Im getting tough on myself. Im not keeping that damn empty bottle of lotion because no matter how much I want to believe I will find a way to reuse it I WONT and so there it goes into the garbage.

Packing shouldnt be so hard for me but if you have seen me in the past couple of days you know what kind of mess I have been just under the surface. Its easier for me to freak out about the objects that go into boxes then it is for me to freak out about the objects that I love (namely my friends and family) because I just couldnt find a box big enough or a back strong enough to take all of you with me.

Thanks to:

my mama for making me go on this trip
mary for helping make this happen
my dad for letting me go
mariah for picking up the pieces countless times
jeff for wiping my tears away
jenga for promising to email
lew for helping me move and knowing what i need
rito for being an amazing teacher and giving me the strength i need

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Comments

[LEW]

JUST A COMMENT
Lizzz, You are so aware of your being. Alot of people have helped encourage your decisions but you are the one carring them out, you are the one pushing the edge of your comfort zone. You are the one who will have a impact on many people. Dad, Lew