Post Peace Corps: Floating to Heal

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My First Float, Yet Perhaps My Thousandth Savasana.

Floating felt like one of the the deepest Savasanas I've ever experienced. I was able to allow myself to simply let go. Oh what peaceful bliss I felt during this womb-like experience. Hearing nothing but my breath as it flowed, truly like the sound of the ocean. There I was lying in a bath with hundreds of pounds of epsom salt in a shallow pool of water at body temperature, also matching the temperature of the surrounding air. It was incredible, I could finally feel and hear my heartbeat… something I have been seeking to feel for the past year since I left Guatemala, broken-hearted.

I had spent the last two years living and integrating into a rural village in Guatemala, and not only was my heart broken from a serious, romantic relationship with a local, but I also felt broken-hearted from leaving new found family, friends, environment, perspectives, beliefs, a distinguished and developed sense of self as I discovered new ways of relating with myself, people, and communities. The conversations, the gestures, the way of life were all so different, yet I found similarities between cultures as we shared smiles and laughs. Every human being can relate through these. Just as every being can relate through breathing, yet we can also all relate through crying.

In Guatemala people openly cried in groups and community settings, as it was accepted and normal to cry. However, since being back in American Culture, I feel the crying is saved for behind closed doors, when alone, and is overall expected and accepted to remain a secret. In Contrast, for Guatemalans crying was rather open when one felt sad, and it was known to be a natural emotion that needed to be released. Going with the flow, the emotional flow, and the tears, too, need to flow. Perhaps it was being all alone in a dark, silent salt bath that I felt safe behind closed doors within this American culture to just let go, and release what needed to flow out.

When I was floating, I felt the tears coming as various visions and flashbacks of my experiences in Guatemala would emerge. I would see the kids in the village. I saw them in their worn out clothes and shoes, dirt covered skin, mangled hair, and malnourished figure. I'll never forget this particular young girl who came up to greet me as she pulled ahead from walking in a group with her family.

"Utz awach?"

"Utz maltiox, y et?"

"Utz maltiox."

(The common greeting in the Mayan Kiche dialect: How are you, good thank you and you? good, thank you)

I regularly worked in the schools and she called me Seno, the title for a respected female teacher. She then continued to tell me, "my dad beats me if I don't get good marks in school." My heart sank, how was I to respond to this little girl as she looked me in the eyes, holding her notebook tightly in her arms, just having returned from school. I knew this was normal amongst many in the village and culture, so I put my arm around her, and smiled the best I could in spite of the pain I felt inside. I don't remember the exact words I told her, but I'll never forget the way she looked at me and I can only hope she will always remember the way I touched her out of loving kindness with a sense of comfort that all will be okay.

Every storm has it's eye, the center, and it's this place of calmness, peace and tranquility where we are able to float with ourselves in the center of our own storm. All our thoughts and emotions have the ability to take us over, leaving us feeling anxious, distraught, and fearful. Yet as we are able to observe these thoughts and feelings with the calm eye, the universe carries us within this inner center of peace. When we can finally relax and let go, it is then that we are in the center of the storm, our own place of bliss.

I found that floating helps to reach this state as I listened to my breath and truly felt my own heart beat. The universe and everything in it also breaths and beats to it's own, natural rhythm, and it is when we are quiet enough to hear and feel our own that we can connect and get in tune with the universal breath and beat. Our breath is a tool that is always with us we can use to help bring us to this center of peace, no matter where we are or what we are going through. The eye of the storm, too, is always present. Breathe, listen deeply, seek within, and bliss be thy eye.

This peaceful state can be compared to the final stage in Yoga, Savasana, reaching a point of pure bliss, letting go as I melt into the mat. Just me and my breath sinking deeper without falling. Floating felt like one of the the deepest Savasanas I've ever experienced. I was able to allow myself to simply let go. Just me and my breath floating on hundreds of pounds of epsom salt, continuously letting go and sinking deeper down without ever falling.

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