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Published: August 2nd 2011
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I arrive in Reno.... and immediately check in and go to sleep. I pray for swift death... Shit... ill start at the night before.
My good mate Klausy had alerted me that Soundgarden were playing at the Hard Rock hotel whilst i was in Sin City. sweet!! along with prog rock genuii the Mars Volta playing support this was no brainer. sadly i missed the $65 seats and had to fork out $150 for the VIP seats... totally worth it. Sadly due to a severe lack of intelligence on my part my credit card and linked eftpos card had expired whilst on this north amercian gambling sojourn... im sure the new one is sitting patiently on the kitchen bench... anyway while waiting for a bridging loan from the bank of jonno i was down to $6 to enjoy my evening. wow... a 6 pack is $6... but the hard rock is a long way from strip... decisions decisions...
now drinks are free in the casinos... but will cost you $1 in a tip. i know i have 30 bucks left on my travel bank card. but minimum withdrawal in the casinos atms is $40.. with $3 surcharge. all of a sudden its race around the world. well race around las vegas... okay... get pissed around las vegas cheap. whatever...
the hard rock is a good 45 min walk away to boot. i entertain the walk to the venue with 6 pack in tow. hmmmm... its still 42 degrees... walk yes. beers no. crap its already 7.20. gig starts at 8. as i a feverishly bolt for the door i remember i have some quarters on the bedside table... look out!! im up to $11 bucks. hello!!!
Briskly walking through the fucking desert (complete with mandatory black t shirt for rock concert) an oasis of 7 -11 appears. $1.99 of my budget will have to go on a gatorade. you get 900ml for $1.99. i need it.
The 7-11 also has a loser friendly atm. ch ching!! i withdraw another $20. game on!!
when i get to the Hard rock things cannot get better. there is a stall outside selling a beer and a shot for $5. No shit. The biggest beer was Fosters (600ml can.... yes.. i did..shut up )
By the time ive had my effectively 6th drink im already gone.... and waddling up the stairs to my vip seat. The vip seat is a table on a balcony. Seats 4. i have no idea who the other 3 will be. dont care.
when im ushered there i get the single woman on table by herself. i look and pray she has a friend. 10 mins in and no conversation later i deduce she doesnt. great... fortunately the music is so loud conversation would be futile even to be nice. Now im not quite sure how the rest of the drinks were paid for from this point on. in fact... i tipping it had a bit to with Joe and Joyce from san diego who were the next 2 arrivals. in there 50s and Joe looking like he was in cabana cruise wear. clearly they were in the wrong place. No. They love the Garden (see photo attached).
Now soundgarden were by all memory awesome... but all i can remember is the pain of the morning....
Post concert Joe has a limo pick us up. We head to Ballys Casino. We are all totalled. Joe keeps buying me 7 and 7s and i keep drinking them. The introduce me to Joe 2 and his wife... name forgotten... We drink til ummm morning. this is where it gets a little hazy...
Next thing i know its 9am. i have to check out at 11am. i fly to reno at 2.15... this is going to be tough...
i get to my room and start packing round 10am. i drift off on couch for 5mins but the cleaning lady wakes me.. oh no its 11am. Sorry Consuela!! ill be out in a minute... Jesus paul... dont miss this plane. I check out and am clearly still drunk as get a taxi called. i fall asleep in taxi. He wakes me at airport. its at this point i realise i have no money... great... i reach to my wallet in hope. there is $950 in it. WTF???
as i talk to myself like a mental patient the cabby re yells the fare to me... i realise this is mystery that doesnt need solving immediatley. i get in to the airport and battle my eyelids shutting again whilst checking in. it doesnt go well. Through a few years of letting my hair down behind me i have the suvival capicity to set my alarm on my phone while i try to catch 40 winks on the airport floor pre flight... just an hour will help. Please...
Im out before my head hits the concrete and 1 hour and 1 minute later and am woken by a harsh loud american voice. "SIR YOUR ALARM IS GOING OFF" thank fuck for that harsh american voice and the stranger it was attached to... i bounce up and go through the turmoil that is us airport security....
The hungover has truly set in when we are seated on the plane.... i try to drift off for the hour flight but lucky for me the ride isnt over. the flight over the sierra mountains is traditionally bumpy one im told. and Captain Biggles in the cockpit seems hell bent on making me empty my guts on the strangers next to me. Now we are in for a battle...
Despite my brain telling my arm to reach for the paper bag more than twice. i fight and fight to keep last nights jack daniels and seagrams and fosters inside rather than outside my sin ridden soon to be corpse. Technically i succeed.. but my white as a ghost dripping wet skin would beg to differ... perhaps seat 14D and 14F were tha actual winners rather than me.
its still not over at unboarding.... im curiously dripping the exact amount of sweat that i would have spewed given the chance. i have just circumvented the process. i feel like ive chundered.. save for the gross taste... but i disembark with dignity intact. To the naked eye at least.
I check in and lie in the bed. my hotel room stinks like someone seen smoking old people. hide all sharp objects, there is a poker game in an hour. i will not play. i will play the next day either. i hate reno...
None of this is reno's fault of course.... it was all las vegas' fault clearly....
anyones but mine. wait what this piece of paper... i owe the Flamingo $1000 for a marker? huh? hmmm that explains the $950 in my wallet... super...
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