Hankering for Hana

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It seemed like a really good idea to take a bus-van tour to Hana and back several months back when we were planning our trip; but, that was before getting up extra early to NOT see the sunrise atop Haleakala. Two mornings in a row now we’ve been awakened to an alarm clock, and that’s only one of the things we don’t miss about working. Our van picked us up promptly at 6:40AM and already it was nearly full. The driver asked us how we were doing, and Sharon replied as she often does, “We’re Good… we have to be good.” Then explaining to everyone, “That’s our name!” We had to sit in the back row of this nearly full 12 passenger van, and the cheerful driver who grew up in New Zealand suggested that we sit on the left side for the optimal viewing. If we’d have thought about it, we could have probably figured that out for ourselves, given our clockwise coastal route around the eastern shore of Maui. One more pickup and the van was full. Our driver, now 70, assured us that he’d been driving this road since the 1990’s, and only in the past couple of years has his vision started to fail. When some lady asked why he left New Zealand, he replied, “This is not an interview. I decide what we talk about on this tour!” He later admitted that it was a beautiful young woman he’d met in New Zealand that caused him to leave. She told him that if he ever wanted to see him again, that he should call her from downtown LA. A couple of weeks later he did just that, to which she said, “What took you so long?” They’ve been married now for almost fifty years. He began the tour by making everyone introduce themselves, and he began with lyrics of sort in a sing Hawaiian rap voice. The first woman also did a brief song and managed to rhyme the first verse. Sharon whispered to me that I should do a particular song: surprising, because we both know I can’t sing. So when it was my turn I told a brief history, that we were both retired and living in Las Vegas, and asked them to bear with my as I attempted part of a song that had been written about me. And I began, “Go, go, Johnny Go! Johnny B. Good”. There was an older couple up front that had been to Maui many times. There was a mother and tween daughter seated together from Kansas City. They were surprised that people actually knew that there was a Kansas City, Kansas; AND a Kansas City, Missouri (at least all of the passengers knew this). The driver kept referring to her as “Kansas” and it seemed to irritate her no end as she’d mention they were “x and y” and not Kansas. There were two couples travelling together and the final two ladies that boarded after us were sisters, and the driver had said after meeting the first to board, “Oh, and is this your daughter.” The second lady thought that was funny, the first one, not so much.

We stopped at a golf course country clubhouse where a buffet breakfast of rolls and fruit and juice and coffee was waiting for us. This is also where the driver picked up our lunch. I was happy to see that they had POG juice, which the driver had said was Pineapple, Orange and Guava; but, I checked later and it is in fact Passionfruit, Orange and Guava. We later stopped at a roadside fruit stand and the driver purchased what he called a couple of apples, a pineapple and some bananas for lunch. He said that they know him here and because he comes everyday, he gets good deals.

We drove past a large field planted with vegetables; which, he said was once part of 37,000 acres of sugar cane that had once been one of Hawaii’s major crops. They plant vegetables now hoping to be self-sufficient in supporting the dietary needs of the tourist industry. Sugar Cane has dropped to number 3 on the list of top cash crops for Hawaii. Pineapples are now number 2. Can you guess what is number 1? He told the story of how all of the former pineapple production of Maui had been moved to the Philippines where the average weekly wage for labor was just over $3 per week. Dole began paying laborers the minimum wage then of $3 per hour. He said that after the first day, many workers quit because they had two months wages in their pocket; but, there were others eager to take their places. If you thought maybe Macadamia nuts, that’s a good guess (it’s actually the number 4 cash crop). The number 1 cash crop is Marijuana!

The road to Hana actually didn’t seem as bad as I had figured it would be; although, I hadn’t been there before, friends of mine had when I was first here 38 years ago, and they had incredible stories of woe and hardship. The road seemed well paved and amply wide for 2 vehicles and except for the many small bridges fording narrow ravines where the road would make a switchback it wasn’t necessary to go single file or wait for oncoming traffic to clear. These bridges dated back 100 years. The driver explained that ever since Obama began coming to Hana during his vacations as president the road conditions to Hana had been vastly improved, and well paved to give a smooth ride. The hillsides on the hilly valley riddled trip to Hana is a rain forest that gets 300-plus inches of rain per year. Although this is the dry season, they have received so much rain recently that there have been a number of washouts and landslides from which they are still recovering over the last three weeks. Most of the trees in the forest are eucalyptus trees, 76 varieties of which were brought from Australia when workers down under were encouraged to come and work in the sugar cane fields and to bring whatever plants they desired to make them feel at home. Many plants have come here this way from other places in the past, a practice now strongly discouraged as some plants can easily take over an ecosystem like Hawaii. Mangos came to Hawaii in the way, and now virtually every back yard has at least one mango tree. The African tulip tree with its distinctive orange flower is seen everywhere, including in this rain forest.

The driver pointed out a hidden sign at an upcoming switchback and bridge. If the vines and forest growth that completely engulf the sign were cleared away, drivers might see “CAREFUL – SLOW DOWN”. He said three people died when their car slammed into the cement bridge railing in just the previous month; and, many others before them had met similar fates there. A shrine seemed to be in the making remembering the dead with pictures and candles that marked that fatal spot. It is perhaps one good reason to take a guided tour over to Hana rather than to attempt to drive this road on your own. The guide said many people had complained to the state about making the sign visible; but, either they don’t, or the green growth just obscures the sign again.

We stopped by a church down by the beach where our guide said they had done the outdoor filming for the Robin Williams movie “Good Morning, Vietnam”. We stayed a bit for a restroom break and to take pictures; but, our guide didn’t want to remain there for more than fifteen minutes. Once we were on our way again he said that this was a very dangerous place for tidal waves. Across another bridge our guide had said that the Beatles had once stayed down here and written three songs while there, including “A Long and Winding Road”. I’ll have to take a moment to wonder about the truthfulness of our guide’s stories and perhaps suppose that he may be one of those guide’s who assumes the role of expert on a subject and feels free to say whatever sounds good today. I’ve had guides ask “Are there any history professors in our group?” and when there are not, they feel free to tell incredible stories of whatever they like. Most sources agree that the long and winding road is actually the tumultuous journey by the Beatles that eventually led to their breakup as a band; rather, than the road to Hana. Some of our guide’s name dropping does seem to checkout. Kris Kristofferson does have a house in Hana.

Approaching Hana the driver had pulled aside to allow several cars to pass him, he explained, “So that we can stop and take pictures at the right time. This is how it’s done.” And a short while later he stopped in the middle of the road, overlooking a rather ordinary panorama of the coast perhaps some three hundred feet below. People were wondering what it was they were supposed to be seeing, even Sharon seemed perplexed with her camera ready to shoot. And I whispered to her, “The tree, the tree.” And directly beside the left side of the bus, barely twenty feet away was a large towering rainbow tree, so named because of the red, yellow, blue, orange, and purplish hues that made up its trunk and bark. The colors appeared as pastels, distinct and separate, in an image as it might in a paint by numbers painting. We’d seen some before and been told what they were; but, we’d been promised a better view later, and this was apparently what he was talking about. Coming into Hana we passed a roadside vender of jewelry, and our driver scoffed, “He’s not a very good business man. Forty busses pass by his roadside stand every day, and none of them stop. He should make a deal with the drivers.” He then added, “I could use some rings on this hand, and this hand, and a necklace or two.”

We stopped at a roadside food vender stand in Hana, that had a couple of covered picnic tables that our group sat down at. Another van pulled in behind us, obviously the two drivers worked for the same outfit, only his passengers had to eat in the sun (which would not have been pleasant). The young girl suddenly began shrieking hysterically because she’d seen a spider. He mom took her back to the bus and sprayed some DEET on her to calm her down. After the driver had cut up the fruit, and put out the dishes, and even shared some of his fruit booty with the other driver and his group, he asked everyone to “Please hold hands.” It was clear that he was about to give a prayer over the food we were about to enjoy, when the girl’s mother shrieked, almost as loudly has her daughter had when she’d seen the spider, and grabbed her daughter by the hand and dragged her away so she would be exposed to any prayers. The driver had asked one in our group to lead a sort of prayer in Spanish, and I think it was more made up than actually a prayer of St. Jose. He then did a prayer in Hawaiian and ended it with a Praise Father, God and Holy Ghost in song. Amen. It was then I noticed, my goodness, the mother really does have wiccan red hair. I enjoyed the star-fruit, an apple-like fruit, and Sharon thought the banana piece that she had was good. I enjoyed the salad, with avocado, and dressing, and also the macaroni salad. Sharon ate quite a bit of the grilled chicken breast, and everyone got quite a large BBQ’d piece.

After lunch we drove on to the black sand beach, made from the volcanic rock. The sand appeared to be more coarse pebbly material, and Sharon and I decided not to take the long walk all the way down to the water and beach. People were enjoying refreshing dips in the water. We took some pictures and rested on a bench under a tree for the thirty minutes of free time that we had. Restrooms were also available. From there we went to a church and graveyard. Evidently, after his son had been killed, Charles Lindbergh had fallen in love with Hana because he came here, and nobody had heard of him hear. He told them, “Call me Lindy,” and he bought a house. He was buried in the graveyard. The mom wouldn’t let her daughter out of the bus or go anywhere near the church.

The road around the island was now open and we were proceeding on a very bumpy pot-holed road. The road was much more narrow and this was the road that I’d expected coming into Hana. Someone asked, “Obama didn’t come this far?” The driver said, “No; but, we wished that he had.” We stopped to see the Oheo (or 7 sacred pools), and Sharon and I got in some extended walking over rough volcanic debris to see the pools and water falls. And you guessed it, the mom wouldn’t let her daughter out of the bus to see the sacred pools. We both needed a bottle of ice cold water that our Kiwi guide had in a cooler chest for us to partake.

On a particularly narrow stretch of road we saw why it’s best to take this trip in a clockwise motion around the island: so that you are on the inside and not the outside edge of the road. In one very narrow spot two wide road-working trucks with massive tires had to slip by us as their tires skirted the eroding road edge with no guardrails and two-thousand foot drop to the surf below. As our driver said, “It’s just a four second drive by van to the ocean.” Actually, if you do the math, it should be closer to an eleven to twelve second drive to the ocean, so I think the driver does just go with what sounds good to him! Beyond that a woman in an SUV wasn’t too sure what to do; but, she did manage to back up enough for us to slip by. Our driver said, there are times that visiting drivers just freeze up, and he’ll need to get out and drive their car for them past whatever perils have them petrified.

We finally got back to the good road (which still had a few rough spots, like the wash and the cattle grates); but, we were off the road that invalidates your car rental contracts. If your rental car breaks down in these areas, it effectively means that you’ve bought yourself a car! But we needn’t worry about that; even, with the way the van was shaking and the windows were rattling on that bumpy part of the trip. Being in the back as we were we got none of the benefit of the van’s suspension and the worst of the vibration and shaking. We even got some rain before we made it home. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to see the Big Island due to all of the Vog (Volcanic Fog) due to the thirty years the Island of Hawaii has been erupting. The last eruption on Maui was in the late 1790’s; since then the island has been slowly giving back land to the sea. At our Royal Kahana resort protective surf bags try to prevent further erosion, and access to the beach at our resort is discouraged. Access is available a few hundred yards down the beach.



We got dropped off, and we decided on an easy meal at McDonald’s. We considered Burger King; but, we could walk to the McDonald’s and the Burger King was over six miles away back in Lahaina

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