Exploding Trees

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We‘re up at the crack of dawn again for our 6.20am pickup for today’s little exercise, a trip along the apparently legendary road to the remote settlement of Hana on Maui’s easternmost tip. After yesterday’s pickup fiasco we’re extra careful to arrive very early, and we split up to make sure we’ve got most bases covered if the bus decides to turn up at the wrong place again. No such dramas this morning however, and our guide introduces herself as Yvonne. She’s an avid animal lover who owns two dogs (one of which has three legs and is called Tripod), a turtle, and several fish in a pond in her backyard. Her prize possession is however her pet pig Cooney, who, perhaps unsurprisingly, is more than a tad overweight, thanks largely apparently to the efforts of her “idiot brother” who feeds it on a diet of Crispy Cream doughnuts every day while Yvonne‘s at work. The pig is a favourite with the neighbourhood kids, one of whom has seemingly taken to riding it at every opportunity.

Yvonne is also an avid conservationist. She points out the small offshore island of Kaho’olawe, which she tells us used to be used by the military for bombing practice. After they’d done with blasting it to pieces they “generously” decided to return it to the traditional owners who are currently in the process of restoring it for conservation. Hmmm. Yvonne got involved in these efforts, which included tree planting. This proved to be a slightly challenging exercise. They weren’t allowed to do any digging due to the very real risk of disturbing unexploded bombs and blowing themselves up, so whenever they wanted to plant anything they had to put piles of rocks in a ring, bring in dirt from the “mainland“ to deposit in the ring, and then plant whatever in the imported dirt. That might be alright for the conservationists, but what about the poor old trees - one errant root and kaboom!

First stop for the morning is for breakfast at the Mill House restaurant, which is set in a tropical fruit plantation. It’s surrounded by gigantic gears and other disused mechanical paraphernalia perched in and around a series of ponds. The whole thing reminds me of a giant Meccano set.

The Hana Highway is just a tad over 100 kms long and winds along the island’s north east coast, connecting the island’s main town of Kahului with Hana. It’s apparently notorious for its 620 tight curves, and 59 bridges, most of which are only one lane wide and more than 100 years old. One of the first bridges we cross seems to have a disturbingly large crack in its deck. Yvonne says that vehicles aren’t allowed to stop on any of the bridges. She doesn’t explain why, but I can‘t help but think that the theory might be that they’ll all collapse eventually, and the quicker you drive across one the less chance there is of this happening while you’re on it. She then adds that we can’t take this road right around the island at the moment because one of the bridges past Hana was completely washed away in a storm a few months back, and they still haven’t gotten around to fixing it. … and I’d been feeling quite good about today up until now.

We pass an enormous forest of seemingly impenetrable bamboo. Yvonne says that it’s a massively invasive imported species which the locals are at a loss to know what to do about. She suggests that maybe they should import some pandas to keep it in check. She tells us that despite warnings to the contrary, people like to try to hike through it, and she points out some of the entrances on the edge of the road. They look like mouseholes into the Black Hole of Calcutta - you can’t see more than about a metre into the impenetrable darkness beyond. Perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of people get lost in there, and they then need to be airlifted out. If they weren’t feeling stupid or embarrassed enough before, they then get hit with a fee of around three thousand dollars for their trouble. Ouch.

Pest plants seem to be quite an issue here, which is particularly worrying given that Hawaii is apparently well recognised as the world’s extinction capital. There are apparently no vines native to Maui, yet a lot of the trees are covered with parasitic creepers which will eventually kill them. There’s also no shortage of the sorts of rope vines that Tarzan and George of the Jungle used to get around on.

This is apparently the wet side of Maui. It’s entirely covered in lush green rain forest, and is in stark contrast to the dry barren west coast. The views of the coast, waterfalls cascading into deep ravines, and sheer jungle clad cliffs dropping into the sea are pretty spectacular.

We stop for a brief stretch at Keanae Lookout, where the surf's pounding onto the rocks. Yvonne points out a stone church which she says was the only building here that was still standing after a tsunami hit following an earthquake in Alaska back in 1914. This is clearly a dangerous place. We’ve already been told there’s no phone or internet reception out here, so if there’s another tsunami on the way we’re not going to know about it until it’s too late. We keep a close eye on the horizon as we wait nervously for the bus to lift us back up to safety. Yvonne tells us about the nearby Jaws surf break where the waves are routinely 15 metres high. There’s no beach - the waves break straight into the rocky cliffs. The current’s so strong that the only way surfers can get out past the break is to be towed by jet ski. I’m sure there must be a good reason why anyone would want to surf here, but it‘s escaping me for now.

We pass the café used in the movie “Fifty First Dates”. On a similar theme, a lot of famous people have lived or bought houses out here over the years, including such notables as George Harrison, Willie Nelson, Owen Wilson and Jim Nabors. Steven Tyler of Aerosmith fame lives here now and is very active in the local community, volunteering and contributing money to local causes. He’s apparently more than happy to spend hours signing autographs and posing for photos for anyone who asks. At the other end of the scale, a very well known media personality who owns a house here allegedly objects to even being looked at, and is, allegedly, regarded by locals as being “mean”. I think it’s been said that she’s as powerful as the US President, so she should probably remain nameless, at least until we’re safely out of the country. And if one of your “people” is reading this Miss XXX, of course it’s not you…...

We pass the Hana Fire Station. The fire trucks are yellow. I’d always thought that fire trucks the world over were red, but what would I know. Anyway, the point’s a bit moot; Yvonne tells us that it’s too wet out here for fires, so the crew spend most of their time doing surf rescues.

We have lunch and then head down to the supposedly iconic Black Sand Beach. The surf’s pounding in and it’s rough underfoot, but that doesn’t seem to be deterring keen tourists from chancing their luck with the waves. It just feels a bit dirty, which leaves us to ponder why our brains have been conditioned to think that only pure white sand beaches are any good.

Next stop is a swim in the pool under the Pua’a Ka’a Falls. The water’s freezing, and the rocks are rough and slippery. I manage to crawl my way out from the shallows into the middle, but the danger’s not over. Some of our party have apparently decided it’s a good idea to climb up to the top of the falls and jump off. I can’t see any obvious signs of blood in the water after the first one lands close to my head, but I think now might be a good time to leave.

Yvonne tells us that the last stop for the day is to watch some turtles, so we’re a bit confused when we’re led to the top of a cliff high above a beach. She tells us that the round things in the water might look like rocks, but guess what? She says a lot of swimmers only find out they’re not when they step on them and they move, which is usually followed by hysterical screaming.

There’s a guy in the car park sitting on the back of his truck playing the guitar and singing one of my Eagles’ favourites - “Tequila Sunrise”. This mightn’t normally be worthy of comment, but we can’t help but notice that he’s also drinking a can of Fosters Lager all the way from good old Australia. When I was at university many decades ago that’s what nearly everyone drank, but almost no one does now, which makes it all the stranger to see someone with a can of it thousands of kilometres from home on an Hawaiian beach.

We’re still really confused about who you’re supposed to tip here and how much. I consult the Google machine. It seems that as well as waiters, taxi drivers, porters and tour guides we’re also supposed to tip the people who make up our room. We’ll never see them, but it seems we’re supposed to leave the money by the bed. Hmmm, we wouldn’t have thought of that in a hurry. We were told that our room would get made up every third day, but we’ve been here for four days now and nothing so far. Well either that, or they‘ve done a really bad job, maybe because we didn’t leave them a tip?

It’s been a long day, but a good one. But there’s no rest for the wicked; I’ve got another 2am start to look forward to tomorrow….

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Comments

[D MJ Binkley]

Hana
We've been to Maui but didn't have time for the trip to Hana. Hopefully, next time.

[DaveandIssy]

Hana
If you like windy roads through jungles it’s well worth it. Highly recommended!

[RENanDREW]

Tipping culture
I know so many Australians who trip up on who/when/how much to tip when travelling through the US. I wish someone would publish a step-by-step guide because I think it would be extremely useful to us.

[DaveandIssy]

Tipping
Minefield. We did manage to find a couple of helpful articles. Locals seem surprised we find it so challenging. Guess it comes down to what you’re used to?