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Published: June 28th 2012
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June 17th I woke up exhausted as usual after a long chat the previous night with Rachael. For hours and hours I explained how I don't like how all over me she is in the day and that I didn't go on this trip to get into a relationship. I also explained that I like to watch the euros on tv in the day and her sitting on my lap, when there are several spaces around is not appropriate. Also kissing my neck and biting my ears when im talking to my friends hungover to s*** is never going to put me in the mood. I was hoping she will have got the picture by now. This day was one that all the hostel goers had been looking forward to all week. There was a pool party at 2pm then Nikki Beach at night. There was a bit of chat in the morning as usual but then we had to get ready for the pool party. It was a horrendously long walk in the heat of the day to the hotel holding the pool party. There were about twenty of us walking together all looking like crap from several nights out.
When we arrived at the hotel the girls walked straight in with a couple of the lads in our group. Michael, Chris, Dec and myself all had to wait outside because we did not own vaginas. We waited in the hot sun watching richer men get out of there flashy cars, walk past us shake hands with the bouncer and walk in. This was hard to take as we new every extra rich nob head they let in would be even longer before they let us in. Then came a flock of angels floating in with exactly what we needed, huge floatation devices attached to there chests and baby carrying facilitys. With these women we would gain entrance. When we got to the pool we were again reminded of our place in society. Every direction I turned I saw attractive people holding glasses of champaign in designer sunglasses. Every guy was built and looked like they modelled for Abercrombie and Fitch. Every girl had a perfect the tan, boobs that you could rest a beer in and a bum so perky and firm you could jump up and down on like a trampoline. I went to the bar to find
out a beer the size of a thimble would cost me $14, I immediately new that I would be sober at the pool party. We were already all the odd ones out. No beach body, no money and now we were in a group that had two members that didn't own swimming shorts they decided they were going to turn there underwear into thongs. Brilliant! The water was amazing, the music was blaring out and there was a jacuzzi for anyone insane enough to get in as it was boiling. We left the pool feeling dejected and inadequate, but it was awesome. We were all walking back casually not a care in the world, when BAM, a motorbike skidded hit the back corner of a car and went into a death role. The man on the bike flew off being tossed around like a rag doll. His head smashed into a lamp post knocking his helmet clean off. Pink panther and myself ran straight over, the man was ok he was only wearing a T-shirt his arms were bleeding heavily he was in shock but ok. I asked him to tell me how many fingers I was holding up he got it right but we still called the police and ambulance. That guy was a clever idiot he was wearing a helmet. The majority of people we had seen in Miami didn't. Clever. He was going way to fast. Idiot! He obviously new he was a crap driver so well done to him for being sensible and protecting himself from his fate. There was enough time to get back to the hostel shower, get changed and drink ourselves stupid before we left for Nikki beach. During the pre drinking I over heard a conversation between a Australian guy and Paul, a nice guy also staying in the hostel, about table tennis I said to them while looking at Michael "you see that guy chatting up those really attractive Swedish girls" which they were. "I bet if I tell him you to are talking about table tennis he will come straight in here and forget them" they didn't believe me, these girls were dynamite. I opened the door shouted Michael these guys are chatting about table tennis he was in mid conversation yet he stopped halfway through a word and walked briskly straight towards me "who is talking about table tennis" he looked like a five year old boy that had just come downstairs on christmas morning. My god he loves his table tennis. After Michael had finished getting completely over excited about a potential competitive match of table tennis in the next few days, we headed in our large group to Nikki beach. Nikki beach was an incredible venue, it was right on the beach there were to big bars and large dance floor outdoor lounge areas outdoor bars lounge beds there were so many people hooking up there. We were bought a couple of drinks by our promoter, I'm so glad he did because they were so expensive. We headed inside where we went to the bar this is where Michael did what he had been doing the best for the whole of Miami got his bloody card out. All the bloody time that sodding card has popped out to say hello whenever we are at the bar he has bought more drinks for random strangers in one night than he has for me in his life time. He never does this back in England. I had been begging him to go on a cruise in the Bahamas which is very feasible for our timeframe but he was spending $90 at night on drinks. Thing is the bar maids were very pretty which I'm sure he's told you, but he would buy drinks with his card and in America there is no pin just signatures he would them right several messages confessing his love to them proposing to then and righting silly phrases from films when he gives the bar maid the receipt back she would usually give it straight back to him and say you have to sign it at which point he did a illegible squiggle on the line. Every drink I watched him buy I also watched the cruise ship sail further and further away. Anyway enough ranting now the good bit I was casually standing talking to Michael and Chris still nursing my drink bought for me by the promoter when the Australian girl came and started dancing with me. Next thing I know we were kissing I looked up to see that Chris and Michael had gone like ninjas into the night. Michael tells me that they went outside to see what was going on when a random stranger said to them he had a little bit of vodka left in the cooler over on his table and they can have it. They got a few pictures of themselves with an expensive bottle two thirds full with an assortment of juices and ice to go with it. They certainly landed on there feet. Meanwhile I was pissed out of my face rolling around in the sticky sand with the Ozzy girl who was also as battered as a cod in your local chipy. Believe me sand is not cool, so we got onto some deck chairs and wouldn't you know it but sods law of anything that can go wrong will go wrong would come to bite me in the arse again, no pun intended. The police showed up and as you know middle of the nit it is illegal to be on the beach. The only thing they said repeatedly while all three of them were shining there lights right onto us was "no penetration" we were in a slightly compromising position but we weren't doing anything and we certainly weren't going to now. My night ended strolling back to the hostel where I would sit outside talking silliness with a very cool Australian Girl until the sun rised and we both fell asleep.
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