Key West's Flying Cats, Antibiotics and the Return of Mr. Cockles!

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I must've been so excited I was in Florida that I woke up at 6:52am this morning. You might think I would've been exhausted since I went to bed around 3:30am but the truth is - I was rejuvenated and eager to get a move on it. Our hotel room at The Renaissance Marriott hotel in Fort Lauderdale/Plantation was so nice and comfortable that 3 hours sleep on the bed felt like 7!! Mel got up soon after. I was hoping she was feeling better but unfortunately she was not. And if it's even possible - her throat was slightly worse! 😞 Keep in mind she has been sick since (at least) last Sunday! I felt so bad. Not ONCE did she complain though. She had that cute little smile and "good morning" tone and "I am fine" attitude - but I could tell by the way her upper lip quivered that she truly felt like ripping her head off and using it as a bowling ball - woah. After learning that Mel still felt like horse crap I had to pinch myself to make sure I was truly awake because, for the love of God, I was/am still hanging in there! The only way I could describe how I am feeling with this looming cold is like, hmm, say someone was behind with a credit card payment and kept receiving those horrible "pay me now you loser" calls ever hour on the hour. The nagging is relentless and you know the inevitable outcome but you try to avoid it a bit longer - all while feeling guilty because you know you have to pay your dues. Make sense? In all honesty it is freaking the crap out of me that I haven't caught the COLD that everyone seems to have lately (I hope I didn't just jinx myself....crap....little sneaky, small dog crap).

Okay, so anyway, with a weary feeling in my heart, I accepted the fact that I was still feeling "good enough" and proceeded to get ready. We decided to grab breakfast from the road. We made great time leaving the hotel at 9:30am. I couldn't believe it when I walked outside. I was really here - my second home - Florida! The sun was creeping through the beautiful, beer belly clouds. The palm trees were doing their hula sway in the breeze and the temp was already in the high 70's! Heaven! As if it couldn't get any better I was taken aback as we approached our rental vehicle. For some reason the previous night all seemed like a crazy B-rated dream, but there it was, our small-penis rental, the 2008 Jeep Commander. Time for a picture! I took two pics of the vehicle, put the camera down in the middle of the car, went to reach for it as we were leaving and.....(drum roll please)......it was broke????? I literally took two pictures, hit the off button, and put the camera in the car. Within 1-2 minutes the camera, in all it's evilness, decided to break. I could almost hear that deep, slow-motion, Santa-like laugh coming from the small device I have become so dependent on. Mel looked over at me and I am sure, in her mind, repeated the word shit close to a million times because she knew what was coming. My PMS-induced, curse-spitting rage over the fact that "something else" broke (we've been on a roll lately, trust me). I think she settled deeper into her seat and accepted her faith. She would have to listen to me get all "queen" like. Mel calls herself "princess" all the time, but trust me, I am a queeeeeeeeeeen with stuff like this. Okay, so my face gets hot, I start to twitch, I stare at the camera in disbelief, then the made-up words/type swearing starts. I try switching batteries, no avail. Now I am cursing the high heavens and throwing out several "why me's" and threaten to chuck the camera at the next baby I see (not really, calm down). I think Mel, at this point, peeped out a little something, which I, of course barked at because I was possessed by this point! OH NO, here come my tears. Damn you PMS! Now the violin music was in full play. It was deafening. But the fact of the matter is - I now had to buy a new camera and the only store we were close to was Walgreens! Grrrr....okay, now I am starting to accept my faith, I start to make peace with my farewell to the dead camera and start thinking about a new one. I knew I couldn't REALLY afford to BUY one so after a little "chitty chat chat" with my MAAAA, I was able to "borrow" one, a'hem, until I get home (note: I don't like to "borrow" things on my credit card since it is a debit card - it makes me nervous - so stop your judging...ya, hear?) ----- but before I could do this, I was still cranky and VERY hungry, so in a fit of crazed feed me now attitude, I was all queen-like and said - I NEED FOOD BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND (as if I hadn't already). Mel knew I wasn't kidding. Somehow "Jersey Girl" found a diner - in the middle of nowhere - in Florida - she found a Jersey-like diner. God I love her. I don't remember the name of the diner, but it was very Jersey-Floridian and quite good. Pancakes for me and "Donna's Special" for Mel (eggs etc.,). Ah, full tummies. Much better. Now at least I could be mad about the camera and not feel like eating it. To make an even longer story short - I found a nice camera at Walgreens that I, err, borrowed. Problem solved. I was dethroned after that. My crazed Gemini side was once again dormant.

Back on the road, and after a couple of brief intense showers, the sun began to shine and the temp reached the high 80's! It was as if the sun came out, just for us, as we approached the fabled US-1 through the Florida Keys! Something just happens to my body when I am in Florida. I felt every muscle relax and just felt, physically good, even though I was holding back an iron-man like cold. Even poor Mel who couldn't see, hear or talk - had a smile on her face. I still don't think Mel knows where she is. The girl is REALLY sick people. Really. We had Jimmy Buffett's music blasting as we passed shanky shack after shanky shack. There is no better feeling, to me anyway, then arriving in Key Largo. The official starting point of the "overseas highway." It feels like you have left the US and are now driving through the Bahamas. The more "shanky" looking the establishment - the better. The colors are all Caribbean bright and cheerful and the palm trees seem to sway in more gay fashion. The tacky stores make you happy that you like tacky stores. The smell of seafood and salt water make you feel like you enjoy seafood and deep sea diving even if you hate fish and don't swim. There is just SOMETHING about Florida and The Keys. It was cute to hear Mel point out things she remembered from the last time we were here (last March). Like me, she couldn't wait to catch a glimpse of that turquoise/green water and white sandbars that are so characteristic of the Keys. Our first stop was some adorable "Artisans Village" filled with cute souvenirs and local art work and pottery. The layout was just so --- Floridan. It was great!! Very atmospheric and the artists' work were incredible.

After that stop we decided to grab a small lunch at Holiday Isle in Islamorada, one of my favorite stops in the Keys! I think it really hit me that I was in the Keys when Mel and I sat at one of the many picnic tables, overlooking the glowing ocean. Reggae music was blasting, people were playing on jet-ski's, the sun was shining, and I was - pleasantly hot. You could smell the suntan lotion, hear the sounds of birds chirping out Buffett tunes, and feel yourself breath. I sat there munching on my grilled cheese and looked over at Mel eating her fresh, cool, salad - HOW LUCKY AM I, I thougt!? I never wanted the moment to end. And I am not just saying that. I truly meant it. Of all the places I have been, even home, no place makes me more happy and healthy than Florida. It is a FUN, BEAUTIFUL state.

Back on the road we stopped along the way to take pictures of the mesmerizing ocean. It was starting to be low-tide (when colors are most vivid) so we got very lucky. With the smattering of sand bars throughout the ocean it looks like someone painted stripes on the water...absolutely breathtaking. For a second I forgot I was driving and had been over many bridges. As I approached the 7-Mile Bridge I had a moment of pride. To think I use to be afraid to personally drive this highway!!!! Not anymore. I had my love by my side and that is my "calm your ass down" pill! 😊

For as beautiful as the other keys are, nothing, nothing, nothing compares to the beauty of Key West. See, Key West is that "cool kid" that doesn't TRY to be cool, it just is. Do you know that Key West use to be America's largest city??? Neither did I! Key West is the perfect mix of old and new. On one side of the island, which is only 3 miles long and 2 miles wide, you can find larger named stores/restaurants like K-Mart, Home Depot, Sears, TGI Fridays, I-Hop, etc., and is charming in its own right, and on the other side is OLD TOWN - my favorite! The streets are lined with these gorgeous "conch" houses, decked out in lemon yellows, blueberry blues, lime greens and flamingo pinks. For such a small island there is just TOO MUCH to see. Literally every side street has something on it - not to mention world-famous Duval Street which is lined with restaurants, shops and nightclubs. The plants, trees, and flowers here are so tropical and very distinctly Key West. One of my favorite Key West experiences is driving through Old Town and hearing all the different live-music blasting from place to place. I also love seeing the "mix of characters" that call Key West home, if even for a couple of days. One thing most people have in common however, is the smile on their face. It's like being part of a small, eclectic club. We know the secret that IS Key West. But my absolute favorite thing about Key West, and I would have to say Mel's too, is seeing the roaming roosters, chickens, baby chicks and pussy cats! Key West is famous for that. I had one eye open for my first cock or pussy sighting - the anticipation was getting to be too much!!!!

We checked into our hotel, Radisson Key West, and at first impression it seemed decent enough, however, when we opened the room door it brought the queen out in me and the princess in Mel. Neither one of us had to REALLY say anything but being the spoiled, hotel snobs we are, this was barely acceptable. Not having much choice we decided to make the best of it. To think this is was $169-$189 a night- yikes. The usual rate for this hotel is around $269 per night - craaaaaaaazy. It is laid out like a TravelLodge or old Best Western. It has the sink area outside the bathroom (hate that) and an old fashion air conditioning system (brrr...), old'ish TV, not the best lighting, a VERY tiny bathroom and "that" cheap hotel smell. Not cheap Motel smell - there is a huge difference. The cheap MOTEL smell makes only the brave remain. The cheap HOTEL smell make even the most laid back travelers a bit testy but for some reason we always think the smell will go away or we'll get use to it. Err, is that ever the case? Nope. It is just us accepting the fact that we couldn't afford that beach front hotel. Damn.

After freshening up we headed to Old Town for the "Sunset Celebration" at Mallory Square. I had only been once many years ago and was dying to go with Mel. And, as if by que, we saw our first cock! As we inched around the corner toward Mallory Square Mr. Cockles poked out from out of nowhere and walked past us, in an erect manor, like he was on a catwalk for a famous fashion show! He was shy to have a photo of his face taken but I did get a fine picture of his bird butt..lol....BUT, our REAL mission was to see "The Cat Man." We were lucky to find his location! The cat man is this craaaaaaaaaaazy, funny, kind-hearted, ecentric, Parisian man in his mid to late 50's that has dedicated his entire life to rescuing stray cats and making them part of his show. His shows aren't anything fancy (after all he only gets paid what us cheap tourists decide to tip him -- which should be at least $2 a person - I hate when I see people not tipping - ugh). Basically his show consists of having these ADORABLE (and very happy, content looking) cats jump from seat to seat, through loops and for the finale --- through a fire loop. The cats look at this guy like he is nuts - but you can tell they adore him and vice versa. He had three cats in the show. If my memory serves me right there was Oscar (a frisky black cat), Corset (a tailless grey/white tabby cat that looked like Thumpy's daughter...awwwwwww) and some adorable 11-month year old gold cat called, um, "adorable 11-month year old cat" (I can't remember her name)...lol. I can't even tell you how much Mel and I loved this show. It is a great deal. He puts on a crazed 10-20 minute show and then if you tip him $2 you get this VERY NICE, adorable postcard with him and one of his cats on it. It is a great souvenir. You HAVE to see this man and his cats to believe it. He is SO crazy - in the best ways, of course. While we were watching the show in front of us I was also noticing the heavenly show behind "The Cat Man" --- THE SUNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I doubt there is any place better on earth to witness the sun set than Mallory Square. Even AFTER the sun sets the sky still glows. It is such a beautiful sight to see. I love the large sail boats passing by the glowing sky. It was unforgettable. I also thought it was cool that the sun set around 6:45/7pm! It felt like summer down there.

Sunset Celebration is so enjoyable. You get to browse local people's arts & crafts, watch crazy shows put on by crazy locals (like the cat show, the hound dog jumping through loops show, the tightrope walking pirate, the sword swallowers, etc.), It is PURE Key West and a must do. The area we were at, down by the Hyatt, was perfect.

After the show we decided to walk to nearby Hog's Breath Saloon for dinner. We were seated within 5-10 minutes and had the pleasure of several things. The first being that Clint Bullard was playing. He is a local Key West singer/songwriter who is quite good. The second was, of course, the delicious food. Mel and I both ordered chicken dinners with little red potatoes. The third was watching a TV with the Weather Channel on showing frigid temps in the Northeast and a building snowstorm. How could two totally different worlds exist and hoooooooooooooow can I even think about going back to it? 😞 Sigh......I mean it was on the verge of HOT out, but there was a constant breeze that made it 100% pleasant. I would say it was around 72 -- even around 9pm. The only downfall was that Mel was still feeling pretty sick with her throat. We came to the conclusion that she must have a throat infection, or infection in general. She called her Dr. and within a 1/2 hour she had antibiotics called in at the local CVS! 😊 Yaaay! Hopefully by this time tomorrow she will be feeling much better. Did I mention this girl NEVER complains about being sick???? I just wanted to cradle her! LOL!

After dinner we were on a mission - to find comfortable sneakers or sandals for myself. My beloved $3.50 white flip-flops just weren't comfortable enough for all the walking we were doing. Luckily we found a good shoe store that had, what has to be, the world's most comfortable sandals. AHHHHHHHHHH...it was like walking on pillows. Mel and I walked, I would say 60-75% of Duval Street, stopping for a slice of key lime pie, at Margaritaville. There was this "carnival atmosphere" all around. Musicians playing, street performers, bustling shops and restaurants - it was such a perfect night. I would give anything to be part of the local cast of characters. At least for 1/2 of the year anyway!

By 10pm we were tired and decided to head back to the room. We stopped by CVS to pick up Mel's medicine but the pharmacy was closed so we will get it tomorrow morning (which is actually THIS morning since I am writing this blog at 5am). I think I was asleep by 11pm!!

Anyway, today we are going to THE BEACH!!! They are calling for record temps here....84 degrees with a feal like temp of 96! Errr....still sounds better than 18 degrees with a feel like temp of -5!!!!!! :-D I LOVE IT HERE!!!!

Until next time...

Happy Travels!

-Des

PS. Pictures to be added soon!! :-)

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