Fort Lauderdale & The Police???

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Wow, day one of our escape to Florida and already so much has happened. Prior to arriving here in gorgeous Fort Lauderdale there had been lesbian drama, a mad rush to fix my disheveled hair, word that "Annabelle the Cow" from Jock’s Farm (Where Mel's horse shacks up) was sold to the milk factory, the cleansing of the deadly cat litter, the realization that Melanie has an otherworldly head cold (and that I am 14.3 minutes away from catching it full blown), a quick dinner with the mamas (who found part of a fossilized turkey breast in their sandwich), a trek from the “economy car parking lot” at Logan Airport in Boston in white linen pants, a navy blue polo and not much else, in a temp hovering around 20 degrees, the realization that Mel has no idea where she is and what she is doing because she appears to have a cum-laude , nasty shit, bird-flu like, head cold, however she still finds time to flirt with me! :-) One would think this day was doomed, but no my friends - no. Or was/is it?? After all I am writing this blog entry at 3:00am Thursday morning!?

I thought things turned around when JetBlue upgraded us to first row on the flight down to Fort Lauderdale. We were in the 4th row before (which isn’t crazy bad) but because I am a nut, I much prefer the first 3 rows. Yaaay! So that was good. Mel and I checked in our defrosting luggage , got violated at the screening process, and found ourselves eating fruit, drinking water and reading smut on celebrities, err, that was actually I, Mel , in her alien-set mind frame, read some Feminist lit for school. I thought it was another warning sign when we stopped in the loo to see if we had to poo and I head Mel doing her “girly” I am going to hack because I hate spit thing in the stall next to me. The poor thing can’t see, hear, breath, smell or spit. But she still has a smile on her face and is eager to go! I, in my crazed Gemini panic mode, tried to think of 10,000 reasons why we shouldn’t go but ultimately it was the sunshine, temps, palm trees and blue/green water that won us (me) out.

The flight was smooth enough, although I do hate the take offs and landings (and all that time in between)- usually the landings more but this take off felt like someone was trying to shake sense into my looming, cold-fogged out brain! But then I looked over at Melanie and was well with the world.

When we landed the pilot said, as he cleared his voice, “Err, ladies and gents there seems to be a back up at the gates. This isn’t common so I do apologize. You should be disembarking in 15-20 minutes.” Grrr…lol. What if we ended up on CNN and took away some much needed Hillary Clinton time??? Damn, I was thinking, maybe I shouldn’t have had that 3rd bottle of water!? But low and behold he was right on - in 20 minutes we were off the plane.

The Fort Lauderdale airport was very quiet - must be due to the fact it was a late flight on a Wednesday night. After grabbing our luggage we headed to the Alamo counter. Of course all the agents were with family’s larger than the Brady Bunch!!!!!! But again, no worries, we were up at the counter in 5-10 minutes. We upgraded our car for an additional $10 a day to a full size car (we had an economy at $99 for the week - so it was a deal). It got even better when we went outside and was told we could pick an SUV!!! I saw a gorgeous, silver/gray Jeep Cherokee Commander and we knew that was the one for us! I mean when else can I drive a 2008 Jeep Commander - wow! Although, I do consider jeeps this big "small penis cars."

Before we were going to check into the Renaissance Fort Lauderdale/Plantation resort we were on the prowl for an air wax cleaner thingy because Mel had developed another symptom of her mysterious cold - plugged ear which we all know happens when you have a bad head cold and gets 100% worse when you fly! I felt so bad - she seemed so dumbfounded and was shaking her head like a lost little puppy. So I had to do what I had to do --- look for a 24-hour Walgreens in an unfamiliar town! I thought I spotted a plaza that seemed promising so I did what any other night-blind chick in a small penis type jeep would do - I make a sharp right turn into the wrong side of the parking lot of this plaza that was, thankfully, quiet. Then, like a falling satellite from the sky, I see a cop car behind me with his blue lights flashing. Shit I was busted! LOL! I acted frantic as if I HAD something to hide. Must be my Italian instincts. We weren't even in Fort Lauderdale 15 minutes and we're being pulled over by the cop. To the best of my ability I did my “girl” thing and was like, “I feel crazy, I am so sorry, I am trying to learn how to drive this car, and I just got here…” bullshit - and it worked! No ticket, a friendly warning, and absolutely no advice on where we COULD find a 24-hour Walgreens. After our run in with the law and Mel’s 44 millionth sneeze we decided to check into our hotel (which is gooooooooooooooooorgeous btw!) As we unloaded our small pee-pee Jeep Commander and walked to the hotel, I looked up and noticed the beautiful palm trees swaying, the full moon shining, and felt the gentle cool 72 degree breeze - --- ah paradise.

So here I am! It is 3:22am and I need to sleep! Tomorrow is going to be a great day of driving through the Keys to Key West! The Overseas Highway is my all time favorite drive as I am sure it is Mel’s. I am looking forward to the 80 degree temp, the beach, the sand, the smell of suntan lotion, the music, the gorgeous ocean color, quirky restaurants, bars and shops but mostly strolling down the street with the love of my life past cocks and pussies (a.k.a. Key West’s roaming chicken and double-toed cats). Ah, only in Key West.

Until then…

Happy Travels!

-Des

PS. Pictures will be added soon.

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