Leaving on a jet plane...Take 2

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I have spent the last 2 weeks back at home. It was a very emotional time for me...for many reasons. Of course it was emotionally difficult to grieve the passing of my grandpa, and adjust to life without him physically being here with us. I am very thankful to have had the ability to come home so quickly and stay for this time. Thankfully, my Dad, Grandma, and other relatives have all come together to support each other in this time. We are a family of many...no one goes through struggle alone. I know they will be fine and so will I.
It was also an emotional time for me because of what I have been calling "culture shock." I spent over 2 weeks in another reality...a developing nation with a very different standard of life from our own here in the Southern California. It is always hard to go from one space to another VERY different space...most obviously in terms of economic conditions, levels of poverty, access to what we take for granted but what the rest of the world considers to be luxuries...like a computer, internet, email, comfy public transit, your own car, a cell phone, a comfy mattress, tasty food, more than one pair of jeans, endless drinking water, soft toilet paper...or toilet paper at all. Especially if as a visitor to a developing nation you form relationships, friendships, and therefore gain first-hand (albeit limited) knowledge of the realities of living in that other world. I did that in Cuba and coming home was difficult to adjust to. Everywhere I look I am reminded of the gross inequalities that exist between the extreme rich and the extreme poor. It is a struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that I and all my loved ones hit the ultimate lottery when we were born into the world of the "HAVES" while my friends in Cuba and most of the world weren't so lucky and just as randomly found themselves growing up in the world of the "HAVE NOTS." Traveling and experiencing so many parts of the world makes it very clear that our way of life is the EXCEPTION and is NOT the rule. Our standard of living is the anomoly...we are the weirdos! And the irony of it all is that while we are living in the world of the "HAVES" in terms of material possessions, I have observed that so many of those living in the world of the "HAVE NOTS" develop many valuable emotional and spiritual abilities, wisdoms, and perspectives that is all too elusive in our own world.
My new friend and fellow backpacker summed up my current state of mind perfectly when she said that as a conscious and caring traveler, it is a constant challenge to find that balance of being sensitive and aware of the social inequalities between our world and theirs, but at the same time not be tortured by this awareness. I have yet to find that balance. Part of me is glad about that. I don't want to be ok with this obscene inequality and injustice. I must make sure to keep it with me in my mind and heart, but not be immobilized with the negative emotions that such knowledge creates deep inside me...anger, hopelessness, and guilt being the primary emotions that I hold. I strive to use this knowledge and attached emotions as motivation to find my place in being part of the solution to this grand problem...or at least ways that I can reduce my involvement in causing it.
I am not sure what my role is yet. I have so many options...I have so few obligations and restrictions...economically, academically, professionally, personally, emotionally...freedom to choose my own path in life...the ultimate luxury!!!!

My adventures continue...in the next week I will fly to San Cristobal in Chiapas, Mexico...bus it to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, and then fly to Caracas, Venezuela.

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Comments

[Adriana]

Beautiful
Your post is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I will keep you in my prayers on your travels back. God Bless and big hug.

[Lauren Stower]

LOVE!!
You are so right on -- we'll never fully stop being tortured by what we've seen and experienced... but that is the drive to continue to travel, to see and experience, to bear witness to reality, and to bring beauty to all that we do, see, and breathe. The friends we made in Baracoa, and all across that great island know us to be genuine, and generous human beings... and that's an incredibl gift to be able to give. We cannot be ashamed or guilty about where we're from - we can only try and spread the privilege around to benefit others, and show them that not all Americans are fuck-faces ;) Welcome back to the road, baby, Im SO glad you made it back. Cant wait to hear all about Mex/GUA, you jet-setter, you. Love Lauren PS: I have been in th hospital for 5 days with terrible fever and body aches, which they think is Dengue. Theyre awaiting the CDC results form my blood to determine the cause, but holy shit, whatever it is, it SUCKS! BRING DEET on your travels, to avoid this really prevalent disease (esp. in the tropics and the Caribbean!) XO

[Janet]

viva cuba libre: azucar amargo
yes, la vida en cuba es muy difficil! bittersweet it is. you are so blessed to be able to do the travel you are doing now. so many around you will benefit so much. thanks for the reminder that our way of life is the anomoly! keep on keeping on.