Advertisement
Published: March 13th 2007
Edit Blog Post
I've had this entry in my mind for a long time, I mean I've been meaning to sit down and carefully see how I would write this and what point of view I would take and from what stand. And I meant to call it "I'm Fake" and now, after doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, I'm not sure and I'll just let you decide what title would be appropriate. For now I just call it....choices...
Ok, as I am very straight forward, I'm gonna tell you exactly what happened. I got my work contract from Colombia about a week ago. Before I left Medellin , the university I worked at, Eafit, sent all my papers to the Ministry of National Education and applied for a work permit for me, which, once obtained, allows me ( together with a pile of other papers, my Diplomas, etc) to get a work visa for Colombia. It's hard to write this and feel that I won't be judged by the ones who know how crazy in love I am with Colombia... I feel like I need to explain and justify myself...maybe mostly to myself, than anyone else...
Ok, the first
the contract from the Ministry of Education and Social Protection
................................................................... thing I got the papers, I couldn't believe it, as I lost all hope to get them, but after analysing my life now, where it is and what I want and where I want to see myself in 10 years' time, I don't know if I should judge myself or accept the reality of what I am and what I want. Yes, judge, coz it does feel a bit like betraying my own dreams , and at the same time, I am in search of identity, I think I've always been and I really have to stop one day and know exactly what I want . I think I'm on the right track, as it is all coming to me and it makes more and more sense, but am still not 100% sure...
It's been exactly 2 months and 1 day since I arrived in the UK and maybe I am indeed, toooo meteo- sensitive, but the sun does do me good! Coz I've had a really great day today , just basically doing nothing, driving around and listening to Anastacia...it fells like things are coming together and it makes more sense to stay here, at least for now.
I am in a point in my life where I want to study. I crave to study, I want to take advantage of one of the best educational systems that is said to be here, in London. Courses start in September and I want to enroll and study Primary Education , which will give me the possibility to teach in Primary Schools here, it is one of my biggest dreams and it is basically my reason for staying here, the reason why I think that I should start to take my life seriously and think what I want to achieve.
Colombia would mean 1 or 2 more years of travelling a lot and seeing much more of South America, partying and...God, why do I say NO to that???????????? Now, as I write this, I ask myself WHY. Yes, the answer, I know it so well: I need to grow up. I'm turning 27 in May, I should start acting my age... no, that's not an answer,it sounds more like a lame excuse, but I know it is deep down my soul: I want to study, I want to be a student again and continue my studies. I remember
uni back home in Romania and although I KNOW that the educational system in my country leaves a lot to be desired, it has its good sides, just as its downsides, just like in any other one..I don't know..people want in life different things at different stages in their lives...I want to travel, I want to be in a few years living in Paris or Barcelona, and definitively one day in Africa. I don't want to settle down in London, although it is an amazing city, for me it would be plain boring!!
Yes, does this entry sound apologetic, like I'm trying to excuse myself ? Maybe it is, maybe I'm trying to forgive myself for not returning to my beloved Paradise. I can't say that I found another, maybe it is a stage in my life where I just find that it is important if I enjoy what I do and feel happy with what I do,and have some really big things to look forward to, rather than where I am. I don't despise London anymore, I'm growing to love her, it is unique and the cosmopolitan vibe makes me smile and think that I am in one
of the most amazing places in the world with endless possibilities to rediscover myself and reinvent myself.
I started teaching in Esforal, the Latin-American school I mentioned a few entries ago, and I had my first class teaching English last week with 2 Brazilian girls who have been living in London since July 2006 and can't even say " Good morning" !!! I can't believe it, but they are sooooo many people living here for years, who can't speak English! It's mind-blowing! And because the teacher in charge with teaching a course called " Life in the UK- A journey to Citizenship" can't make it for the next 2 weeks, I will be replacing her. This is a course designed for people who want to apply for British Citizenship to help them prepare for the British Citizenship Test, so i have exactly one week to know everything there is to know about it , broadly, of course, coz in detail it would be impossible to make it, even if I studied night and day for it, but I know I can do it, though there will be 5 hours of teaching !!, with only 30 minutes lunch break, but
by now you probably know I love challenges!!!
Yes, one more thought, I remember that one day, in uni, it was one of the psychology classes when the teacher asked us to take turns to the board and just draw whatever we feel like it. I drew an eye. Not a face, nothing else. Just an eye. According to our drawing, the teacher would make a remark about our personalities, and she told me that I was in search of something. " You are looking for something, you are doing a lot of soul- searching, and this something's not easy to be found". I think I still am, though this comment was made about 4 years ago...
Do you understand why I wanted to call my entry "I'm fake" ? Coz I did feel a bit fake, whining interminably how I miss Colombia, how it was my happiest period of my life, and now, that I have the opportunity to go back, I not only think twice before I make my decision, but say NO....
I will not say Good bye to Colombia, I will only say " See you soon" and I won't say "I'm
sorry" for turning down this great chance to go back there and continue my life in Medellin, because now I want a degree here and at this point of my life I think it is a wise decision. I hope so, anyway. I really, really hope so.
Advertisement
Tot: 0.585s; Tpl: 0.014s; cc: 16; qc: 68; dbt: 0.3499s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.3mb
fabian
non-member comment
wise girl...
hi pinky, good morning from frankfurt! i started the day at work with your post :-) i can so much understand your situation because i had to decide myself about going abroad again after turkey or getting myself a good job in germany. and since i am also turning 27 in may, i also decided to stay... so i think your decision is a good one. and i do not only think, but also hope so, after all, i made the same decision :-) but anyway, it is not a decision for the whole life, you can always go back to colombia, you can always go back to travelling and partying and whatever. the only point is that many things are much better when you´re young, like travelling, studying,... but you are young only once and can´t do all of them... i guess this is one of the challenges of our generation, making the right choice what to do with those years...