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Published: January 26th 2009
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Homeless Nap
Napping like a vagabond in the gorge. Obviously the primary reason I came to Spain is to learn Spanish and in the process of learning a language one must obnoxiously and publicly reference a dictionary as often as possible. This has proven far more entertaining than I could have ever imagined. Easily my favorite term I have seen so far, found by my roommate David, is actually an English one. Here we go:
“Full Blown AIDS”. Not just half-ass Phase 1 or 2 AIDS and certainly not HIV; this is DEFCON 5 do-not-resuscitate Full Blown AIDS.
More than anything though, I find it kind of irresponsible of the authors to include this term and others like it. I can’t say I’ve ever heard it used before, especially not by a doctor and definitely not colloquially. I think the pandemic of AIDS sort of implies ‘full-blown’ (Disclaimer: not a joke on AIDS, just commentary. It’d be like making a Paul Newman joke or even worse, a Heath Ledger joke. Dave Thomas is fair game though). What really scares me is that I’m beginning to suspect these authors randomly insert these phrases in solely out of boredom; to mess with foreigners. It’s a lot like what most old
Resurrection of the Pose
More than 2 years later, it carries on. school Disney animators would do (e.g.: ‘sex’ spelled in Lion King, front cover of Little Mermaid, Aladdin’s Magic Carpet Ride innuendo).What’s even more frightening though, is the thought that I’ll most likely fall victim to one of these jokes when looking through the Spanish portion of the dictionary. Maybe I think I’m saying, “I’m okay it’s just a cough,” when in reality I’m saying something like, “My full blown AIDS makes me cough.” Suffice to say this has communicative implications among other, much more serious things, so I’ll have to tread lightly when referencing my Spanish dictionary.
There is also a “common phrases” section in my dictionary. It lists the phrase and then an example sentence. It should be noted that the dictionary was published in 1948; the pages literally disintegrate when I flip them and I think it was actually written with the blood of communists. Many of the example sentences also have some racist undertones. I’ll let you be the judge of how “common” some of these English phrases really are (I’ll include example sentences):
1. Bobby-soxer: “I think that Bobby-soxer gave me the clap last night.”
2. Ax to grind: “She put the ax to
La Mina del Rey Moro
This picture is mine favorite. grind while making love in the club.”
3. Beard the lion: “Be careful not to cut yourself when you beard the lion.”
4. Beat about the bush: “Stop beating about the bush and unlock your room!”
5. Bosom friends: “I made a couple of bosom friends the other night…”
6. Down and out: (actual sentence given in the dictionary) “That tramp certainly looks down and out.”
7. According to Hoyle: “According to Hoyle, that guys a real asshole.”
8. Handle with kid gloves: “The molestation lawsuit should be handled with kid gloves.”
9. Queer duck: (actual sentence given in the dictionary) “Your guardian’s a queer duck.” Something you might say to an adopted kid or orphan…?
So judging by #7 and #8 we can conclude the authors are probably a) assholes, and b) have pedophilic tendencies. The dictionary is also exceptionally outdated but I’m keeping it for historic purposes.
Because in theory a travel blog should at least attempt to chronicle actual experiences and for the sake of my parents / whoever may care, I will now list off…
Some Notable Events
My other bag has still not arrived, I finally tried Churros con chocolate
Four trees and the Crew
Ingenious choreography. and it was sumptuous, had an 8:30 am night, there is a recall on Food Lion Peanut Butter (thank God I left the country in time! Trent - be careful), the inauguration of the first black (kind of - his dancing is not up to par) President was last Tuesday, Marisol finally unveiled her fabled guitar, and lastly, I visited the quaint mountainside town of Ronda last weekend.
I actually spent the inauguration in an Irish pub packed with Americans. Hot, sweaty, red, white, and blue patriotism was seeping out the cracks of the doors and I tried my best to spend the entire day going America all over everybody’s ass; sporting camouflage socks and clapping thunderously. And yes it is true; a guitar does exist in Marisol’s apartment! She had spent weeks talking about it, but every time I asked to see it, she would sketchily craft up some excuse of why she couldn’t get it. It ended up being on top of a wardrobe and there would have been no way she could have been able to get it in her condition (obesity), perhaps a crane could have lifted her up. But it is now in my
room and finely tuned because I thought to bring a guitar tuner in case of this exact situation, which is pretty awesome. Speaking of she-who-should-not-be-named, I will now continue with my sub blog.
Aventuras con Marisol
Dear Kitty,
“There is a disturbing trend beginning to emerge that is taking quite an emotional and mental toll on me - Marisol has started to waddle around the house, eat meals, check her e-mail, etc., in belly shirts and unbuttoned pants. Vast plains of thick, speckled skin haunt my dreams. She looks like some down and out tramp that just beat about the bush for 10 euro. I am also starting to unintentionally catalogue and recognize specific pairs of underwear, or should I say parachutes. I could jump rope with those things - it’s as if somebody skinned an entire wooly mammoth and combined that with a King-sized bed sheet and a kite. I know it sounds harsh, but she truly has revealed herself as a nagging, rude, stone-hearted person and I realized it’s just how she is. I will never be able to do anything to her liking so I’m going to stop trying so hard. She also always
makes us open all the windows to supposedly air out our “nasty smelling bodies and farts” but I think it’s because she’s starting the dehumanizing process of David and I. It won’t work, I’m on to her. We stay strong.”
I’ll quit complaining though because I’m in Sevilla having an incredible time. I’m meeting lots of people, savoring the food, culture, architecture and nightlife, and beginning to travel a bit. I will include my night and day spent in Ronda in another entry because I’m already past the millennium mark in word count, however I will include a picture or two. Until then…
-BRAVO OUT-
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Xan
non-member comment
Andy, I am laughing so hard I'm crying!