Belarus: Day 4

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Day 4

What am I doing to my liver? I wake with the dawn with my mouth feeling like I was deliberately imposing a drought on it. Sleepily I went to the kitchen to quench my thirst. Panicked I realised that I had promised old Dasha that I would go on a morning run. Stumbling into my gym kit and making myself a coffee in preparation. Not sure if I had said 8 or 9 (surely even in my most drunken state would I have said 8??). 8am came and went, Yuliya rose with the promise of a run once the kids got out of bed. At 8.30 we noticed Dasha running past the house returning from her run. Calling her over she said that she had knocked at 8 but got no reply. We agreed to our run tomorrow morning.

We got prepared and set out on our run at 9am. We only covered 3.5km. Yuliya, sporting a pink gin hangover, was struggling throughout. The heat that was promised today was blazing down and the temperature was already in the high 20’s. I’m glad we had done the run early as the day later would be spent cooling off in the lake.
Returning back to the house we were told we had 20 minutes to get ready to go to town. We had two reasons for going 1: to go through the tedious process of registering me as an illegal alien (yes they use this exact phrase in their translation) and 2: to visit Babushka Zoeya ( the matriarch of the family).

I used this opportunity to head down the garden, not as far as the drop toilet, but instead to the outdoor shower. I mentioned it in my last blog but again I will reiterate what an amazing homemade product this was. Victor having worked at the now closed down airbase had acquired an aeroplane missile and had converted it into a outdoor shower. With a constant stream of water filling it, the casing painted black heated the contents to a modest temperature. It is truly a privilege to get naked and jump under the icy stream to shower, again watching out for the kids or wildlife to ensure that they didn’t see your bollocks or join you under the cascade.

Once de-sweated and feeling refreshed I was ushered into the waiting car and driven to my least favourite aspect of border control. If you stay in Belarus more than 5 days you have to register with the local authorities to ensure that you have a place to stay and enough insurance to cover any vodka related injuries. When I first came 15 years ago we had to bribe the official with brandy and money to ensure that I was processed without issue. It has been comparatively easier in my last couple of visits, just fill out a form in Russian and pay a fee at the other side of town. I had grown quite fond of the woman who processed the documents and I am sure the last time I was here I actually saw her smile. This time entering the consultation room we were greeted by a young clerk who processed the documents without issue. Yes we had to wait 45minutes for Victor to go to the other side of town to pay the fee, but it really was easy. Task one completed we all headed over to Babushka Zoeya’s house. I have always been loved by Babushka ( as she was delighted that Yuliya was marrying a Westerner) but I was also incredibly intimidated. I am not alone in this as Yuliya seemed to shrink next to this 5 foot tall woman. Gone was the normally outgoing and charismatic wife, in her place stood a loyal and respectful granddaughter who only responded with “yes Babushka” and “no Babushka” whilst Babushka appeared to lecture her about me (again not learning English….. maybe I would be able to say 5 words by the time she died!! Honestly why have you married such a simpleton), the kids (only being able to speak a handful of words), Jamie (not being Christened yet and heading to a fiery pit of hell) and above all else speaking about our family with passion, love and thankfulness. I love Babushka Zoeya but she does scare me somewhat and I wouldn’t want to piss her off beyond being lazy about learning her language. It was also good to see Grandad Zhora… he sits quietly whilst Babushka does all the talking. His only real contribution is to greet and then to say goodbye. His health has slowly been deteriorating over the last few years. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and has his good days and his bad days. This thankfully was a good one. Before we left the house Babushka said that I should help Victor around the farm. She knew that he was in process of chopping wood for the winter and said that I should help with the chopping. I think she wants to make a man of me. What could possibly go wrong?

Upon leaving we were met with the heat of the day. It was a barmy 32 degrees and it would be good to get back to the farm to get out of our smart (we are visiting Babushka so you better take off that Nirvana t-shirt) clothes and go for a swim to the lake. First we went shopping.

The local supermarkets have changed since I first came to Belarus with more Western foods available to buy. I’m not saying that I miss food back home, as most (as previously mentioned) is delicious, but when you find some danish blue and some walkers crisps I personally get giddy with excitement. We bought a collection of drinks and snacks, Victor trying his hardest to pay but Yuliya strongly insisting otherwise (she’s good at that…. “Steven I strongly insist you do the ironing washing up cooking”).

After a short drive back to the farm we relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. We took the kids for prolonged swim to the lake whilst we waited for Victor to go to work for a few hours. The plan this evening was to have a BBQ. Whilst the kids relaxed, dried off then got into the pool in the garden I took myself off fishing. My dad, David, came to Belarus a few years ago and we spent a lot of time fishing in various spots around the local area. I missed my Dad particularly when I fish as it’s something we both enjoy and I loved the time we spent together on his trip over here. Not only did I have someone to talk to but also to appreciate the situations with his dark humour (of which I have thankfully inherited).

Looking up I noticed large storm clouds in the distance. I headed back to the farm with an empty bucket to help prepare for tonight’s festivities. Victor had marinated pork and chicken overnight and Sergey and myself prepared the kebabs. I said to Sergey that we would be hit with a storm in the next hour and he laughed and said we wouldn’t be and saying something disdainfully on the lines of “you Westerners know nothing… we in the motherland with our soviet knowledge will laugh in you puny face”.

1 hour later I was very pleased to see everyone running around in circles trying to gather up items to stop them being destroyed by the storm force gale that was devouring the village. The apocalyptic scene of animals being thrown around, apples flying at 90 degrees from trees and dust covering everything. Sergey wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I was very happy by the carnage.

Old Dasha ( as I say she’s not really old but is older than Natasha’s daughter. She told me off after reading my blog for calling her old. I apologise however you will still be known as Old Dasha for now) came over to have a couple
of drinks and some food. She was finally able to tell everyone the news that she had told me about the other day. She had just got a job teaching English in China. After going to Minsk for the interview yesterday we now raised a toast for her success. I can’t say that I am not jealous of her adventure.

The BBQ was a success. After the initial storm we were able to cook the meat and I consumed what must have been half a pig whilst consuming 1 ½ bottles of vodka with Sergey. Again with the conversation only briefly involving me, I took to my favourite hobby here and organised the music. Dad would have been proud with a good mix of Dylan, Clapton, the Beatles amongst others.

We retired to bed just before midnight and I drifted into a restless sleep in the knowledge that I would tomorrow wake to a run with Dasha and then to keep my promise to Babushka and help with the wood chopping. Little did I know that that would result in an adventure that I was not anticipating.

More tomorrow

Steve x

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